Mai Jia - Decoded

But what was this ‘thing’?

To this former student of Mr Auslander, a student whose heart had been influenced by the teachings of Jesus, this ‘thing’ could be nothing else but God, the omnipotent Holy Spirit. Because he felt that this ‘thing’ must be God, it possessed a complicated and yet absolute nature. While it possessed a beautiful side, it also and necessarily possessed an evil side; it was benevolent, but also malevolent. Though it seemed to be only a spirit, it possessed enormous power and capabilities, forever forcing you to revolve around it, spinning and spinning; allowing you to observe all: all that was happiness and pain, all that was hope and despair, all that was heaven and hell, all that was glorious and in ruin, all that was honourable and dishonourable, all that was exultation and grief, all that was good and evil, all that was day and night, all that was bright and dark, all that was proper and improper, all that was yin and yang, all that was above and below, all that was inside and out, all that was this and that, all that was everything. .

The radiant and grand appearance of God on the scene thoroughly and decisively put Rong Jinzhen’s heart at ease. He thought, ‘If this is how it is, then this must be God’s plan: how could I oppose it? Resistance is futile. God’s laws are just. God would not change these laws to satisfy the aspirations of any man. God’s ultimate plan is to make clear to everyone the beauty of all creation.’ God had shown the nature of everything to Rong Jinzhen by means of PURPLE and BLACK –

All that was happiness and pain.

All that was hope and despair.

All that was heaven and hell.

All that was glorious and in ruin.

All that was honourable and dishonourable.

All that was exultation and grief.

All that was good and evil.

All that was day and night.

All that was bright and dark.

All that was proper and improper.

All that was yin and yang.

All that was above and below.

All that was inside and out.

All that was this and that.

All that was everything. .

Upon hearing these parallel slogans issue forth from deep inside, Rong Jinzhen calmly and serenely turned his eyes away from the downpour still raging outside. Whether it stopped raining or not seemed no longer to matter: the sound of the rain was no longer unbearable. When he lay down, the sound of the rain was amiable, so pure and unadulterated, so mild and gentle, he was entranced by it; he felt himself dissolving into it. He slept and dreamed. Within his dream he heard a far-off call — ‘You still have this superstitious faith in God. . God is a coward. . God never gave Johannes a perfect life. . And don’t tell me that God’s laws are just. . God’s laws are entirely unjust. . ’

The last phrase repeated over and over in his mind, the voice getting louder and louder; finally sounding like lighting cracking in his ears, forcing him awake — and yet he still heard the voice linger in his ears: ‘Unjust — unjust — unjust. . ’

He didn’t recognize who or what spoke these lines, and he certainly didn’t know why it had wanted to speak these mysterious words to him — ‘“God’s laws are unjust!” All right, let’s say they are unjust, but then what?’ He began to ponder. But whether it was from the pounding in his head or from some unconscious worry or unknown fear he harboured, his thoughts were uncoordinated and unfocused. Every starting point drifted out of reach, like a headless dragon not knowing which way to go. A quarrelsome cacophony raged in his head: his mind was like a pot of boiling water, bubbling and gurgling. But if you removed the lid you would discover nothing of value inside. His mind was simply going through the motions; nothing of substance was happening. A moment later, the mental undulation ceased — as if food had been put in the pot to cook. Then memories of the train ride, the thief, his leather attaché case, the rainstorm rolled over him in succession, bringing into the frame once more his own personal doom. But this time, Rong Jinzhen did not understand the significance of these memories — as if the food had yet to be fully cooked. Later, the memories pressed themselves upon him once more — like the pot beginning to slowly boil again. But now the pot was no longer empty. His mind was beginning to become excited as a mariner is once he sees land after a long sea voyage. Moving at full throttle towards his destination, moving ever closer, Rong Jinzhen once again heard that mysterious voice speak to him: ‘Allowing this accident to herald catastrophe for you, to beat you down, how is that just?’

‘Noooooo —!’ Rong Jinzhen roared, smashing through the door and rushing out into the downpour, assailing the darkness with invective: ‘God, you have been unjust to me! God, I want to let BLACK defeat me! Only by letting BLACK defeat me can there be justice! God, only the vilest person need suffer such unfairness! God, only the vilest divinity could force me to suffer such blame! Oh wicked Lord, you shouldn’t do this! Oh vicious God, I will fight you to the bitter end —!’

After this raging outburst, Rong Jinzhen felt as though the freezing rain were burning him, and his blood began to gurgle and flow forth, making him realize the rain too was gushing. As this thought flashed in his mind, he soon felt that his entire body was streaming forth, becoming one with the sky and the earth, drop by drop melting into them, like air together with cloud, like dream together with fantasy. It was then that he heard once more that faint, indiscernible voice from somewhere beyond. It was as if this most pitiable sound issued forth from his lost notebook, in the dirt and the mud, miserable and desperate, appearing and disappearing, intermittently crying out: ‘Rong Jinzhen, listen. . the rainwater is surging, turning the ground into a bubbling mass. . even though the water may have carried your notebook away, it might also carry it back to you. . back to you. . after everything that has happened, why can’t this also happen. . even though the water may have carried your notebook away, it might also carry it back to you. . back to you. . back to you. . back to you. . ’

This was the final strange thought Rong Jinzhen had.

It was an eerie and evil night.

Outside the window the sound of the rain was indomitable, unceasing.

This part of the story will make people feel both inspired and sorrowful. It is inspiring because Rong Jinzhen’s notebook will finally be found, sorrowful because Rong Jinzhen will disappear without a trace. Taken altogether, this outcome is what Rong Jinzhen spoke about: God gives us happiness and also suffering; God reveals everything to us.

Rong Jinzhen disappeared the very same evening of the torrential downpour. No one really knew exactly when he stepped out of his room, whether it was early or late in the night, during the rainstorm or after. But everyone knew that he wouldn’t return — like a bird that forever leaves its mother’s nest, or like a circling star forever torn from its orbit.

Rong Jinzhen’s disappearance caused the case to become more complicated and confused. One person suggested that perhaps his disappearance was the next stage in the case of the missing notebook, that the operation was a two-step procedure. The identity of the thief now became more mysterious and sinister. However, more people believed that Rong Jinzhen’s disappearance was due to his lack of hope, his inability to withstand the fear and pain of what had happened. Everyone knew that ciphers were Rong Jinzhen’s life, and that meant that his notebook was too. Now hope of finding his notebook was slowly but surely fading — even if it were located, it would most likely be nothing more than a water-soaked ink smudge. There was no way that he could take a lighter view of what had happened; suicide no longer seemed impossible.