John Barth - The Sot-Weed Factor

"Enough," Sir Thomas ordered. "I remind you, Colonel, that the Province hath no small interest in this estate; 'twas to look into it I came hither in the beginning. If the Governor's willing, haply we can hold a hearing on that question this very day, now Mister Cooke is with us." He further reminded the entire party, and especially Richard Sowter, that they were forbidden to leave the premises until the matter had been disposed of.

"By the organ of St. Cecilia!" Sowter protested. " 'Tis an infracture o' habeas corpus! Well hale ye to court, sir!"

"Your privilege," Sir Thomas replied. "In the meantime, don't leave Cooke's Point: Mister Lowe hath communicated with Major Trippe, and as of this morning we have militiamen on the grounds."

This news occasioned general surprise; Colonel Robotham tugged at his mustache, and Sowter invoked Saints Hyginus and Polycarpus against such highhandedness on the part of public servants. Sir Thomas then requested everyone to leave the room except Anna, who had established herself as her brother's nurse, and "Mister Lowe," who declared it imperative that he not leave the key witness's bedside for a moment. Andrew seemed reluctant. "We shall have much to say," Ebenezer consoled him, "and years to say't. Just now I'm dead for want of food and sleep."

"I'll fetch broth for ye," his father grunted, and went out.

Ebenezer sighed. "He must soon be told who you are, Henry; I am sick unto death of false identities."

"I shall tell him," Burlingame promised, "now I know myself. I'faith, 'tis miraculous, Eben! I can scarcely wait to lay hands on my father's book — what did he call it? The Book of English Devils! King of the Ahatchwhoops! Miraculous!" He held up a tutorial finger and smiled. "But not yet, Eben; nay, he oughtn't to know quite yet. My plan is to go to Bloodsworth Island as soon as possible — tomorrow, if we settle our business here today — and do what I can to pacify my father Chicamec and my brother — what was his name?"

Ebenezer smiled despite himself at his tutor's characteristic enthusiasm. "Cohunkowprets," he said. "It means 'Bill-o'-the-Goose.' "

"Cohunkowprets! Splendid name! Then I'll return here, pay court to your sister, and sue my good friend Andrew for her hand. If he consents, I'll tell him who I am and ask him again; if not, I'll go my way and ne'er disturb him with the truth. Is that agreeable to the twain of you?"

Ebenezer looked to his sister for reply. It was clear to him that her private conversations with Burlingame had dealt with matters more ultimate than The Book of English Devils; he felt sure that Henry knew all that had transpired not only between Anna and Billy Rumbly but also between Anna and himself. She caught her breath and shook her head, keeping her eyes down on the counterpane.

" 'Tis so futile, Henry. . Whate'er could come of it?"

"Nay, how can you despair after such a miracle as Eben's stumbling on my parentage? Only let him gain his feet again and he'll solve that other riddle for me: the Magic of the Sacred Eggplant, or whatever!" He gave over his raillery and added seriously, "I proposed to Eben not long since that the three of us take a house in Pennsylvania; since Nature hath decreed that I be thwarted, and Convention hath rejected your appeal, where's the harm in being thwarted together? Let us live like sisters of mercy in our own little convent — aye, I'll convert you to Cosmophilism, my new religion for thwarted seekers after Truth, and we'll invent a gross of spiritual exercises — "

He went on in this vein until both Ebenezer and Anna were obliged to laugh, and the tension among them was temporarily dispelled. But Anna would not commit herself on the proposal. "Let us attend to first things first: come back alive from Bloodsworth Island, neither scalped nor converted to their religion, and we shall see what's to be done with ourselves."

"What came of your pilgrimage to John Coode?" Ebenezer asked Burlingame,

"Ah, my friend, you've much to forgive me for! How can I excuse myself for having deceived you so often, save that I put no faith in innocence? And to plead this is but to offend you farther. ."

"No longer," Ebenezer assured him. "My innocence these days is severely technical! But what of Coode? Did you find him to be the savior you took him for?"

Burlingame sighed. "I ne'er found him at all." It had been his intention, he said, to establish himself as Coode's lieutenant (in the role of Nicholas Lowe), the better to learn what truth might lie in certain current rumors that Coode was organizing slaves and disaffected Indians for another rebellion, to be staged before Nicholson could institute proceedings against him on the evidence of the 1691 Assembly Journal. But in St. Mary's City, on the morning after the same stormy night that had carried Ebenezer to Bloodsworth Island, Burlingame had encountered Andrew Cooke himself, who he thought had crossed from Captain Mitchell's place to the Eastern Shore. By discreet inquiry, he learned that Andrew had fallen in with Colonel Robotham at Captain Mitchell's, and upon hearing the Colonel refer to Ebenezer as "my son-in-law in St. Mary's," had hastened to investigate as soon as he recovered from the shock.

"Well, friend," Burlingame went on, "I scarce knew what to think; I'd searched all night in vain for you and finally got word that Captain Cairn had sailed at dusk with the Laureate of Maryland and some long skinny fellow and was thought to be drowned in the storm. Your father had learned the state of things at Malden and was at his wit's end for loss of both his heirs and his estate." When it had seemed likely that Ebenezer was either dead or lost from sight, Burlingame had introduced himself to Andrew as Nicholas Lowe, "a steadfast friend of the Laureate," and declared further that it was he who had posed as Ebenezer, the better to cover his friend's escape. This news had redoubled Andrew's wrath; for some moments Burlingame had expected to be assaulted where he stood (in Vansweringen's Tavern). In order to pacify him, therefore, console him in some measure for his loss, and at the same time put himself in a better position to hear news of the twins and pursue his complex interests, Burlingame had made an ingenious proposal: he would continue to pose as Andrew's son; they would go to Cooke's Point together, declare both the grantor of Malden and the husband of Lucy Robotham to be impostors, and so refute the claims of colonel and cooper alike.

"Thus came we hither arm in arm, the best of friends, and save for one fruitless visit to Church Creek to chase down a rumor I caught wind of — you know the story? Is't not ironic? — save for that visit, I say, here we've sat to this day, waiting for word from you or Anna. As for the estate, Andrew and I threaten Smith and Sowter, and they threaten us in return, and of late the Colonel hath been threatening the lot of us; but no one durst go to court lest he lose his breeches, the case is such a tangle, or lest he find himself answerable for the whores and opium. What old Andrew's connection with them might be, if he hath any, e'en I can't judge."

"Thou'rt not John Coode thyself?" Anna asked half seriously.

Henry shrugged. "I have been, now and again; for that matter, I was once Francis Nicholson for half a day, and three Mattawoman tarts were ne'er the wiser. But this I'll swear: albeit 'tis hard for me to think such famous wights are pure and total fictions, to this, hour I've not laid eyes on either Baltimore or Coode. It may be they are all that rumor swears: devils and demigods, whichever's which; or it may be they're simple clotpolls like ourselves, that have been legend'd out of reasonable dimension; or it may be they're naught but the rumors and tales themselves."

"If that last is so," Ebenezer said, "Heav'n knows 'twere a potent life enough! When I reflect on the weight and power of such fictions beside my own poor shade of a self, that hath been so much disguised and counterfeited, methinks they have tenfold my substance!"