John Barth - The Sot-Weed Factor

"Sow!"

"Usag ère!"

"Bawd!"

"Viag ère!"

"Strawgirl!"

"S érane!"

"Tumbler!"

"Poupinette!"

"Mattressback!"

"Brimballeuse!"

"Nannygoat!"

"Chouette!"

"Windowgirl!"

"Wauve!"

"Lowgap!"

"Peaultre!"

"Galleywench!"

"Baque!"

"Drab!"

"Fastfanny!"

"Gaure!"

"Ringer!"

"Bringue!"

"Capercock!"

"Ancelle!"

"Nellie!"

"Galli ère!"

"Chubcheeker!"

"Ch èvre!"

"Nightbird!"

"Paillasse!"

"Rawhide!"

"Capre!"

"Shortheels!"

"Paillarde!"

"Bumbessie!"

"Image!"

"Furrowbutt!"

"Voyag ère!"

"Pinkpot!"

"Femme de vie!"

"Rum-and-rut!"

"Fellatrice!"

"Ladies! Ladies!" the Laureate cried, but by this time the cardplayers, including the two disputants, were possessed with mirth, and paid him no heed.

"Coxswain!" shouted the one whose turn it was to play.

"Trotti ère!" Grace replied.

"Conycatcher!"

"Gourgandine!"

"Tart!"

"Coquatrice!"

"Fluter!"

"Coign ée!"

"Cockeye!"

"Pelerine!"

"Crane!"

"Dr ôllesse!"

"Trotter!"

"Pellice!"

"Fleecer!"

"Toupie!"

"Fatback!"

"Saffrette!"

"Nightbag!"

"Reveleuse!"

"Vagrant!"

"Postiqueuse!"

"Arsebender!"

"Tireuse de vinaigre!"

"Sally-dally!"

"Rigobette!"

"Bitch!"

"Pr êtresse du membre!"

"Saltflitch!"

"Sourdite!"

"Canvasback!"

"Redresseuse!"

"Hipflipper!"

"Personni ère!"

"Hardtonguer!"

"Ribaulde!"

"Bedbug!"

"Posoera!"

"Hamhocker!"

"Ricaldex!"

"Bullseye!"

"Sac-de-nuit!"

"Breechdropper!"

"Roussecaigne!"

"Giftbox!"

"Scaldrine!"

"Craterbutt!"

"Tendri ère de reins!"

"Pisspallet!"

"Presenti ère!"

"Narycherry!"

"Femme de mal recapte!"

"Poxbox!"

"Tousel"

"Flapgap!"

"Rafati ère!"

"Codhopper!"

"Courieuse!"

"Bellylass!"

"Gondinette!"

"Trollop!"

"Esquoceresse!"

"Peddlesnatch!"

"Folieuse!"

"Backgammon!"

"Gondine!"

"Joygirl!"

"Drue!"

"Prickpocket!"

"Galloise!"

"Dear God in Heav'n, cease!" Ebenezer commanded.

"Nay, by Christ, 'tis a war to the end!" cried the dealer. "Would ye surrender to the French? Why, she's naught but a common meatcooker!"

"And you a janneton!" the other replied gleefully.

"Arsievarsie!"

"Fillette de pis!"

"Backscratcher!"

"Demoiselle de morals!"

"Bumpbacon!"

"Gaulti ère!"

"Full-o'-tricks!"

"Ensaignante!"

"Pesthole!"

"Gast!"

"Romp!"

"Court talon!"

"Pigpoke!"

"Folle de corps!"

"Scabber!"

"Gouine!"

"Strumpet!"

"Fille de joie!"

"Gullybum!"

"Drouine!"

"Tess Tuppence!"

"Gaupe!"

"Slattern!"

"Entaille d'amour!"

"Doxy!"

"Accrocheuse!"

"Chippie!"

"Cloistri ère!"

"Puddletrotter!"

"Bagasser!"

"Hetaera!"

"Caignardi ère!"

"Pipecleaner!"

"Barathre!"

"Rumper!"

"Cambrouse!"

"Hotpot!"

"Alicaire!"

"Backbender!"

"Champisse!"

"Sink-o'-perdition!"

"Cantonni ère!"

"Leasepiece!"

"Ambubaye!"

"Spreadeagle!"

"Bassara!"

"Gutterflopper!"

"Bezoche!"

"Cockatrice!"

"Caille!"

"Sausage-grinder!"

"Bourbeteuse!"

"Cornergirl!"

"Braydone!"

"Codwinker!"

"Bonsoir!"

"Nutcracker!"

"Balances de boucher!"

"Meat-vendor!"

"Femme de p éché!"

"Hedgewhore!"

"Lecheresse!"

"Ventrenter!"

"Holli ère!"

"Lightheels!"

"Pantoni ère!"

"Gadder!"

"Grue!"

"Ragbag!"

"Musequine!"

"Fleshpot!"

"Louve!"

"Lecheress!"

"Martingale!"

"Tollhole!"

"Harrebane!"

"Pillowgut!"

"Marane!"

"Chamberpot!"

"Levri ère d'amour!"

"Swilltrough!"

"Pannanesse!"

"Potlicker!"

"Linatte coiff ée!"

"Bedpan!"

"Hourieuse!"

"Cotwarmer!"

"Moch é!"

"Stumpthumper!"

"Maxima!"

"Messalina!"

"Loudi ère!"

"Slopjar!"

"Manafle!"

"Hussy!"

"Lesbine!"

"Priest-layer!"

"Hore!"

"Harpy!"

"Mandrauna!"

"Diddler!"

"Maraude!"

"Foul-mouthed harridans!" Ebenezer cried, and fled through the first door he encountered. It led him by a shorter route back to his starting place, where William Smith now sat alone, smoking a pipe by the fire. "To what evil state hath Malden sunk, to house such a circle of harpies!"

Smith shook his head sympathetically. "Things are in a sorry pass, thanks to Ben Spurdance. 'Twill take some doing to put my business in order."

"Thy business! Don't you see my plight, man? I am ruined, a pauper, and ill to the death of fever. 'Twas mere mischance I granted you Cooke's Point: a sorry accident made with every generous intent! Let me give you twenty acres — that's your due. Nay, thirty acres — after all, I saved your skin! Now return me Malden, I pray you humbly, and so save mine!"

"Stay, stay," Smith interrupted. "Yell not have back your Malden, and there's an end on't. What, shall I make me a poor man again, from a rich?"

"Forty acres, then!" begged Ebenezer. "Take twice your legal due, or 'tis the river for me!"

"The entire point's my legal due: our conveyance says so plainly."

Ebenezer fell back in his chair. "Ah God, were I only well, or could I take this swindle to an English court of law!"

"Ye'd get the selfsame answer," Smith retorted. "I beg your pardon, now, friend Cooke; I must inspect a man Dick Sowter hath indented me." He made to leave through the front entrance.

"Wait!" the Laureate cried. "That man was falsely indentured — betrayed, like myself, by's trust in his fellow man! His name is not McEvoy at all, but Thomas Tayloe of Talbot!"

Smith shrugged. "I care not if he calls himself the Pope o' Rome, so he hath a willing back and a small appetite."

"He hath not either," Ebenezer declared, and very briefly explained the circumstance of Tayloe's indenture.

"If what ye say be true, 'tis a great misfortune," Smith allowed. "Howbeit, 'tis his to moan, not mine. And now excuse me — "

"One moment!" Ebenezer managed to walk across the room to face the cooper. "If you will not do justice at your own expense, haply you'll see fit to do't at mine. Turn Tayloe free, and bond me in his stead."

"What folly is this?" exclaimed the cooper.

Ebenezer pointed out, as coherently as he could manage, that he was ill and in need of some days' rest and recuperation, in return wherefore, and his keep, he would be a willing and ready servant in whatever capacity Smith saw fit to employ him — especially clerking and the posting of ledgers, with which he had a good deal of experience. Tayloe, on the other hand, was not only in truth a freeman; he was also a gluttonous sluggard who would surely bear a dangerous, if justifiable resentment towards his master.