John Barth - Giles Goat-Boy

"It seemed to me Maurice got worried when Uncle Ira said that, because he said, 'What do you expect her to do when you put it that way? You're begging her to lie about it, even if it costs you your business! And you call yourself a selfish man!' But Uncle Ira hardly heard him, he was staring so at me; and you know, I almost did tell a lie, he scared me so much. And especially I didn't want to get a spanking there in front of Maurice! But then Uncle Ira looked like he was ready to have a stroke, and the only thing I could think of was how important it was to calm him down and get it out of his system. And I hated to tell a lie anyhow, especially when it might ruin his business — "

"I wish I didn't hear this," Max said. "I wish this was finished."

"I'll bet anything you told him the truth," I hazarded.

Anastasia nodded sorrowfully. "I couldn't say a word at first, but I bent over his desk, the way I always did for spankings, and that was the same as admitting about the boys. Believe me, it was just for Uncle Ira's sake; and Maurice — he's so clever about these things — when Uncle Ira started spanking me, Maurice laughed and asked me wasn't it true what the boys had told him, that I didn't make love to them for my own sake at all, but just because they said it would hurt them if I didn't? At first I thought he was saying that for my benefit; Uncle Ira even stopped spanking me for a minute and asked me was it true, and Maurice said, 'Sure, it wasn't her fault; they told her they'd commit suicide or flunk their exams if she didn't help them, and she believed them."

"Why, that was decent of him, wasn't it?" I exclaimed. The image of Anastasia bent over the desk was much with me.

But she shook her head. "Don't you see? As soon as he said it I realized that if I agreed that that was how it was — I mean on my side of it, because I'm sure those boys never said what they did just to take advantage of me — if I agreed, Uncle Ira might stop and drive Maurice away, and lose his business and all. So, awful as it was, I had to tell a worse lie yet: I had to say it was me that persuaded the boys to do what they did, because I wanted to fool Uncle Ira and because — I just enjoyed doing flunkèd things!"

"He knew you better!" Max burst out.

"Maybe so. But he did need to get it out of his system, Dr. Spielman. He started in again, and Maurice laughed, and I was crying all over the ledger-sheets, and worrying because my tears were making the ink run… But the worst was what happened next. Maurice told Uncle Ira he certainly must love me very unselfishly to get so upset over what I'd done; it just proved what a sentimental old fool he was! Uncle Ira really went crazy then: he spanked me harder than ever, and started crying himself, and he shouted, 'I enjoy it! I enjoy it! There's my profit, right there!' I know he didn't mean it! But he said 'What do you think I raised her for? I love this!' Oh, George, you can't believe how it hurt him to say that! The ruler flew out of his hand, and he tried to spank me with his bare hand and couldn't do it right; it didn't even hurt. He was completely helpless, and I turned around and hugged him and told him not to worry, it had been a terrible spanking and had taught me a lesson I'd never forget. Maurice quit his laughing then and looked at me in the strangest way: it wasn't just that he could see through what I'd said; it was as if he'd suddenly thought of something that upset him the way he'd upset Uncle Ira… I can't say it right… but much as I hated him right then, it seemed to me he had some terrible need of his own."

I struck the sand with my stick, and Croaker growled under me. "If you say he spanked you too, I'll flunk him! There's been enough spankings!"

Max said nothing.

"It wasn't that," Anastasia replied. "He just had an awful look in his eyes — I thought he was ready to cry himself, can you imagine? Then he told me in this strange voice that he knew very well I'd confessed on purpose to save Uncle Ira's business, but he couldn't decide just why, and before he made up his mind whether to help Uncle Ira or not he had to know some things: Hadn't I really enjoyed it with those boys? And didn't I let Uncle Ira spank me so I could get what I wanted from him? Mind you, I couldn't tell which answers would be the right ones for Uncle Ira's sake. Also there was this awful need on Maurice's own face, like if I said the wrong thing it would do something terrible to him — but whether it might be better for him in the long run to have that terrible thing happen, I couldn't tell either. I was confused! So finally I just told the plain truth: I said that what I enjoyed about the boys was just what I'd liked about playing with the maids when I was little: that it seemed to make them happy without hurting me. As for the spankings, they certainly did hurt, but the reason he mentioned wasn't right at all: Uncle Ira had always been sweet to me, spankings or no spankings, but everybody needed to get things out of their systems now and then, and I owed Uncle Ira such a lot, and it was good for him in so many ways, he could spank me twice as hard and twice as often if he wanted to, and I thought it was just awful of Maurice to make him say those terrible things about himself!

"All this time, you know, Uncle Ira was sitting in his desk-chair, making noises, and I was standing beside him holding his head against me. But when I finished talking he put his head down on his papers and wouldn't let me comfort him at all. The Maurice took hold of my arm — his voice wasn't teasing the least bit any more; it was like he was begging me, if you can imagine it, and he said, 'Now tell me the Founder's truth, girl.' And what he asked me was, didn't I find it even a little bit exciting to — to have Uncle Ira bend me over the desk and spank me like that? What a horrid idea! It was the flunkèdest thing I'd ever heard of! But his eyes were just blazing, and there was something about his face — I'd never seen such an expression! Uncle Ira sat up and looked at me, and I realized what he'd think about himself if I said it was just for his sake I'd let him spank me. But the other was such a flunkèd thing to say, what Maurice wanted to believe! Much worse than pretending about the boys; I could hardly make the words come. But I said, 'If you must know, I guess it is a little bit exciting, in a way.' I thought that ought to satisfy him, but he squeezed my arm harder and said in that same voice, 'In what way?' How was I supposed to know what to say then? All I knew was that I had to say something awful, and the only thing I could think of was what I'd hear the boys say sometimes; I didn't even understand it, whether it was possible for girls too, I mean, or how it could apply to a thing like spanking, but something told me it was the right thing to say…"

Anastasia's cheeks flamed; but she pressed on, even regaining her disconcerting glibness. "So I looked him straight in the eye, and I said, 'When Uncle Ira spanks me with his ruler, Mr. Stoker — it gets me all hot! ' Do you see why I had to say that, George?"

In truth it was not until later I learned her exact meaning, but I thought I had the general sense of the situation, and took my cue from Max in praising once again her astonishing selflessness and deploring the flunkèdness of which she had been victim.

"I could have died for shame!" Anastasia declared. "But it turned out Maurice didn't believe a word of what I said. It was as if that's what he'd wanted to hear, all right, but it made him mad to hear it — because he wanted it to be true and knew it wasn't. He almost hit me himself! ' Flunk you!' I remember him shouting at me. 'How far will you go?' Then out of a clear sky he tells Uncle Ira he wants to marry me (what he really said was, he had to marry me), and he looked at me in this twisted kind of way; it scared me to see him. He said he'd guarantee Uncle Ira's business would get twice as big if I'd marry him. It was strictly a business deal, he said: 'if Uncle Ira wanted to prove what he'd bragged about before, here was his chance; it would be like selling me for a big profit. But he ought to understand (this was Maurice talking) what he was letting me in for…"