Stephen Dixon - 14 Stories

A month later I still haven’t heard from Sarah. I write asking what the decision is and two weeks later she writes back “I wanted to delay answering you till another candidate confirmed his appointment to the position of actor-in-residence. After you left we interviewed one other actor and actress and felt that Hans Radish’s ‘performance’ in the classroom was the most promising of the three, and since his acting experience is as impressive as yours, that he should get the job. Please send your receipts and a written record of what each receipt is for so I can start reimbursement proceedings to get your money to you soon as we can.”

I send the receipts and written record along with a note saying “Because you misled me in stating I was to be the one interviewee for the job and that this interview was really just for me to see if I liked the job and all of you, which is the sole reason I thought I could afford to fly out there, I want to be reimbursed in full.”

Following week I get a check from the college bursar for half the expenses I paid out. I write Sarah and the English Department chairman that I’m not going to cash this check till I get another check for the rest on my expenses or at least the equivalent of that money as a reading fee, and I get no response. I write the college vice president and tell her why I think I should get the rest of my expenses or a reading fee and she writes back “An impartial board has carefully considered your complaint and though sympathetic to your financial and professional situation, has decided that the college reimbursed to you all that you deserved.” I then write the senior South Dakota senator and the college president and include copies of my letters to Sarah and the chairman and college vice president and her reply. The senator says “South Dakota has always been known as a fair-minded state and personally, your grievance seems just. But rather than ask for a reading fee, which might also be just if it weren’t a little after the fact, I should write the president of the college asking for the rest of your expenses.” I send the college president a copy of the senator’s letter and he still doesn’t reply. By this time it’s December and I’ve run out of people to borrow money from and I still haven’t found a job. I cash the college’s check with a friend. He calls a week later and says “‘I have to ask you for the money back plus the bank’s three-dollar service charge, as that check bounced because the college went bankrupt.”

I go into our apartment. She’s being raped. They’re both naked. He’s on top of her but not inside. He holds a knife to her neck. I say “All right, get off” She says “Tony — don’t.” He says “just stay where you are, buddy, and your girlie won’t get hurt.”

“I said to get off”

“Tony, don’t do anything. He’ll kill me. He means it.”

“You want your girlfriend killed?”

“No.”

“What’s your name?” he says to her.

“Della.”

“Della doesn’t want to be killed,” he says.

“Just get off and dressed and out of here and we won’t make any complaints against you.”

“First I get my satisfaction and then I think about going.”

“Then I’ll have to kill you,” I say.

“Tony, don’t try anything. Let him do it to me. It’ll be all right.”

“The lady’s got a good head,” he says. “I’m going in. You just stay where you are.”

“Stay there, Tony.”

“Get off,” I yell.

“Open up,” he says to her.

She opens up.

“Don’t do that,” I yell at him.

He sticks the point of the knife to the side of her neck. She says “Ouch, that hurts.” I say “Leave her alone. What did she do to you?” He says “Then just stay there and don’t leave the room or I’ll cut her throat and then go after you.”

“I don’t care about myself.”

“Be a hero, big boy, but the lady dies if you step a foot nearer.”

“Please stay there,” she says to me.

“I can’t stay here and watch.”

“Then turn around.”

“Better you turn over,” he says to her. “My neck’s beginning to hurt from trying to keep an eye on him while I make it with you.” He gets up.

“What do you want me to do?” she says.

“Get on top of me.” He gets on his back. She gets on top of him.

“And now?” she says.

“Don’t do anything,” I say.

“Just be quiet, Tony. It’ll be quick.”

“It’ll be great,” he says to me. “And now I can have my fun and watch him both. Now put it in,” he says to her.

She tries. “It hurts,” she says.

“Bullshit.”

“But there’s pain,” she says. I turn around.

“Don’t you go anywhere,” he says. I go into the next room. “Tony,” she says. “Come back or he’ll kill me.” I go back. I watch.

They make love. He says “Bounce.” She bounces. “Go slower,” he says. She does. I put my hands over my eyes. I hear noise from both of them. Panting. Then him screaming. She screams too. I think she’s hurt. I look. He’s clutching her hard to his chest, squeezing all the air out of her. She’s still on top of him. He holds the knife to the back of her neck. His eyes are almost closed, but he’s looking at me. “Over for now,” he says. He falls out. She says “Can I get up now?”

“Get up and clean yourself and then we come back,” he says. “And you just stay there,” he says to me, “or Della gets killed.” They go into the bathroom. “Let’s take a shower,” he says to her. “I like them with girls. Turn on the water.” She turns the water on. “Make it lukewarm.” She turns the spigot and says “It’s lukewarm.” He sticks his hand under the water. “A little warmer.” “That’s lukewarm,” she says. “Warmer!” She turns the hot spigot. “It’s warmer now,” she says. He feels the water. “Good. Now let’s get in.” They get in under the shower head. “Wash me,” he says. “And you stand by the door,” he says to me. I stand by the door. She washes him. “Now get behind me and scrub that back.” She scrubs his back. “No washrag?” he says. “Do we have one, Tony?” she says. “No clean ones,” I say. “Your hands will do then,” he says to her. “Now wash my hair but no soap in the eyes.” She washes his hair. “You got shampoo?” “Yes,” she says. “Not in the eyes, though.” She suds his hair with shampoo. He rinses himself off. “Wash my thing.” She does. “Now yours.” She washes herself down there. He gets out. “Now turn the cold water on all the way and the hot all the way off.” “I don’t like it cold,” she says. “All the way.” She turns the hot water off and the cold water on. She’s shivering. He’s loving it. She says “It’s too cold. I can’t take anymore.”

“Jump out of the shower,” I say.

“Does and she’s dead. Now turn it all the way hot after you turn all the cold off.”

“I can’t.” She turns the cold water off “I’ll scald myself.”

“I said hot.”

“No. Cold’s enough.” She’s still shivering.

“If you make her turn it on hot I’ll jump and kill you,” I say. “Remember, I still have a knife.”

“And I got a table leg,” and I knock the lamp off the end table next to me, take the table in the air and smash it against the wall. It breaks. A support piece is still attached to one of the legs. The other three legs are still attached to the table top. I snap off the support piece and now have my table leg. “I can split your head in very nicely with this, very nice.”

“Don’t, Tony,” she says.

“Only if he forces you to stand under the hot in there.”

“I won’t mind. I mean, I’ll mind but I’ll at least be alive.”