Ahmet Tanpinar - The Time Regulation Institute

Sadly I felt compelled once again to put forward an objection:

“But who would go into a shop for such a simple thing, as if he were just popping in to have a shoe shine? And then of course there’s the fact that modern life has been slowly destroying our most dynamic local businesses, not to mention the local barbers and corner pudding shops. People passing by will just pop their heads into the station and adjust their watches themselves.”

Halit Ayarcı replied:

“Now, there you’ve got it wrong, for just the opposite will occur: people will come running. Our stations will be so stylishly designed and run by such charming staff that they’ll be busier than the busiest shops in town. Just trust me!”

Only four months remained before our personnel request was to be certified. This didn’t bother me overmuch. I was assured four months of relative peace of mind, after which the matter would pass into God’s hands. But, I thought to myself, if all this is to end in four month’s time, I better take precautions for the future. That was the least I could do.

Fortune had not given me the opportunity to live the life of an ordinary man. And so, if I was to succeed, I had to be that much more courageous and enterprising, while exuding a resolute nonchalance in my dealings with others. Perhaps Halit Bey won’t manage to pull this one off. Though clearly his courage would never falter — he would remain the same man. Should I follow in his footsteps? What if I tried, for example, to overtake him in this matter of the regulation stations? And so I made my first deliberate (and not insubstantial) proposal since the opening of our institute.

“Will the personnel have a distinctive uniform?” I asked.

“I hadn’t thought about that.”

“You know, I’m not sure it would be favorably received, but if we want the institute to catch on, I believe it’s a must. A uniform that will bring out the best in a man’s body and that will conceal, if necessary, a woman’s age, while highlighting a beauty beyond sexuality, something sharper and more striking — a uniform to suit the silver screen. If anything, some kind of cap, and if for no reason other than to give it a more masculine air!”

“Why is that?”

“To draw attention. What would the public think of a motley mass of people?”

Halit Bey thought it over for a moment and then cried:

“It’s done, then. You win! We will issue uniforms. Better yet, we’ll have something for our entire personnel, managers aside. We’ll design a little badge for them. A rosette at the very least! Our entire staff will be decked out in special attire, which means we’ll have a unique look that is sure to appeal to the public!”

“What’s more,” I said, “we shall need to give special attention to the manner in which employees address the clientele. The latest trend is all too clear — there’s no limit to what people are calling each other these days. Daddy-o, brother man, Uncle Tom, big boss, foreman Joe, sister Jane — it’s gotten out of control. It’s as if they’ve created this singular extended family!”

Saying this, I couldn’t help but recall the tram conductor who had harassed me earlier that day: “Hey, Daddy-o, you asleep?’

Halit Ayarcı was beside himself.

“An excellent idea!” he cried. “Also accepted. Anything else?”

“We’d draw more business if our staff were to speak in sweet and measured tones whenever they interacted with customers, and even more so if we were to teach them to be deferential, polite, and professional. If they could learn to speak about the institute and timepieces in a uniform way, relaying exactly the same information every time, and with the air of a serious professional, without adding extraneous information, and, perhaps most important, if they themselves behaved like timepieces, constructed to do this very job, saying only what was needed, speaking with a seriousness of purpose that might seem strange coming from the mouths of employees of certain ages, and then falling silent.”

“A kind of automaton, then? The greatest weakness of our age is its greatest strength. The foundation, the very backbone, of a new, hyperorganized Middle Ages, as we prepare to enter a new period of enlightenment. You’re right, Hayri Bey. Better said — you’re an absolute genius! You’ve made a remarkable discovery. People will be just like alarm clocks, speaking when fixed to do so, and then remaining silent when they’re not on duty, isn’t that it? The human being on vinyl. Fantastic!”

He threw his arms around me.

“Congratulations, Hayri Bey! You’ve stumbled upon the primary psychological problem of our age. But this won’t be easy. Just how can we do this?”

“I know someone who can,” I said. “A woman, to be exact, for only a woman could really handle such a job. Someone who can mold anyone to just the shape she’s looking for. Sabriye Hanım could not only teach our staff — she could oversee its development.”

I told him about Sabriye Hanım. He already knew a little bit about her. My friends from the Spiritualist Society were always on my mind.

“There’s no time like tomorrow — we’ll write a letter inviting her to come visit us here. I’m quite sure she’ll be the one for the job. She can be a little cantankerous, but she’s sure to take the offer! And she’ll be especially good in the follow-up.”

He thought for a moment.

“If you ask me, I say we restrict the personnel in the regulation stations to women and young girls. Let’s not post any men there. From what you’re saying, the only ones to whom we’ll be able to teach such manners and etiquette are young girls. We’ll have to find something else for the men to do. Why would we need to turn a whole army of men into automatons! We wouldn’t be able to do it anyway. Today’s women can get on with young and pretty women just as well as men can. It’s obvious from the way they admire all the new movie stars.”

If nothing else I was quite sure that there were just as many brainless men as there were women. No, I thought both should receive the same training, but I didn’t insist because something else came to mind. We would definitely need a fashion advisor, regarding dress and uniforms. I wondered if we couldn’t employ both Selma Hanım and Nevzat Hanım. I brought this up, and my face blushed bright crimson. He agreed with me in principle, but he was hesitant about the persons in question. So, trying out my new approach, I called his bluff.

“As manager of the institute, your grace suggested Sabriye Hanım, and I accepted. So I in turn shall choose Selma Hanım as she is a close friend of mine.”

Halit Ayarcı thought this over for a moment and then began laughing.

“Well if it must be a matter of principle, then agreed. But what will we do about her husband?”

“We’ll take him as one of the scapegoats.”

He looked me over in silence.

“There’s more to you than meets the eye!” he exclaimed. “Indeed you even know how to mount a counterattack. All agreed, then. Nevzat Hanım included. But don’t forget that we’re splitting the selection staff. Let’s have a few recommended people come and then we’ll decide. I don’t mean Selma. Get in touch with both these ladies and have a word with them about it. I’m quite busy these days. And it seems you’ve gotten the knack of things. Let’s not rush into anything with Cemal Bey and Nevzat Hanım!

Leaving the building, he said, almost as an afterthought, as if the matter were of no import:

“Ah, yes, I almost forgot. The mayor has raised your salary just a touch for the interim period, while we settle the new staff. Starting this month you receive three hundred liras!”

First I thought of throwing my arms around him and kissing his hands, but in the nick of time I recalled my recent decision. I was going to catch up with this man; I would use him as my model. It was my only hope, so I held myself back.