Lydia Millet - Mermaids in Paradise - A Novel

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Mermaids, kidnappers, and mercenaries hijack a tropical vacation in this genre-bending sendup of the American honeymoon. On the grounds of a Caribbean island resort, newlyweds Deb and Chip — our opinionated, skeptical narrator and her cheerful jock husband who’s friendly to a fault — meet a marine biologist who says she’s sighted mermaids in a coral reef.
As the resort’s “parent company” swoops in to corner the market on mythological creatures, the couple joins forces with other adventurous souls, including an ex — Navy SEAL with a love of explosives and a hipster Tokyo VJ, to save said mermaids from the “Venture of Marvels,” which wants to turn their reef into a theme park.
Mermaids in Paradise

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The dive pros urged us back to the boat after about thirty minutes. On the wet decks we milled around stripping off our gear, emitting noises of astonishment and chaotic confusion. Eventually we grabbed up dewy cans of soda and beer — some of us noshed ravenously on bagels or croissants as though we hadn’t had breakfast a mere hour and a half before — and settled down to watch the Australian’s digital video. He replayed it over and over, with passengers and crew crowding around him as he held up his small monitor. No doubt, no doubt at all, the mermaids were there — their pale backs and shining tails, the weaving, waving cloud/streams of their yellow-green hair.

The mermaids could have been CGI, fully. I mean they looked completely real, but so do the movies about aliens with many tentacles, the movies about talking animals, and the movies about beautiful women. It was only our eyewitness status that made the footage so satisfying, like treasure we’d found whose richness would soon be revealed to the world. We knew it was real and there it was, exactly the way we’d seen it, in pixels and HD.

Not, of course, from the selfsame angle — I realized watching it that in real life I’d had the best seat in the house. In the video the mermaid wasn’t looking straight at the camera when she turned, but to the side, so that her features were obscured. But under the water she’d seemed to look right at me; I’d gotten a long gander at her features. What had struck me about them was the details: they were the features of an actual person. They weren’t generic, they were just eyes, a nose, a mouth, all specific and real. The nose had been a little wide and flat, the lips a little thin.

“She wasn’t the same one,” said Chip, as the two of us stood near the dive slide, leaning on the boat’s slippery gunwale and watching the others gaze at the footage for the umpteenth time. Their faces were the faces of fans or admirers. Light struck the planes of those faces differently: these people were different now, I thought, these people would never be the same. (I wouldn’t either, but for me the difference was less a revolution than an adjustment. It’s just the way I am, there are some major aspects of the universe I take in stride daily, other small ones don’t ever cease to amaze me.) The world had changed for all of us, though. For now, for this moment, it shone with a foreign brightness.

“Pardon?”

“I didn’t see the one from before,” Chip explained. “The one on the tape is a different one.”

“She didn’t really have bad teeth,” I agreed. “Or not that I noticed.”

“And the others, did you get a good look at any of them?”

“Not really,” I said. “It was mostly backs and tails. No other faces. She sounded the alarm. The others never even looked at us, did they?”

“All they did was go,” said Chip.

“They really took off,” I said.

“You can’t blame them. I mean, for all they knew, we could have been bringing smallpox,” said Chip. “The black plague. Anything. We could have been hunting them. Right?”

“You really think they haven’t met us before?”

“Us?”

“I mean people?”

“They must have! Like Nancy said. That’s why we have a word for them!”

The others were talking about mermaid history too, one putting forward the notion that the mermaids were mutations from nuclear tests in the Pacific, Bikini Atoll and all that, who’d moved east after the bombs went off and mutated them. Another suggested they were descendants of an obscure tribe with webbed feet, which subsequently turned into fused legs. The crew, I noticed, who hadn’t been down there with us, assumed we were bullshitting — either that or we were connected with the movie industry. And so it went, until Nancy stood up on a cooler of roasted-vegetable-with-arugula sandwiches and addressed the collective.

“This is a great day,” she said. “You went out expecting to find grouper — and instead you found mermaids. I’m going to be honest with you, though: the grouper sighting was always a cover. This trip was about mermaids from the start. I discovered them just a day ago, with Mr. Foster over there.”

Chip saluted, nodding briefly.

“Of course we knew no one would credit it. So we said grouper. Enough about the past, though. We need to talk about the future. Now on the one hand, I believe in the free sharing of scientific information. But on the other, we don’t want a feeding frenzy. We don’t want people descending on this island by the thousands and destroying these priceless reefs looking for mythological women with bare breasts.”

“Hear hear!” yelled someone behind me.

“As a biologist, that worries me. So we have to have a well-defined, clear strategy for handling this.”

“Sell the video!” said one of the spearfishers. “Like to Fox News! This guy could make a million bucks!”

“That kind of thinking is exactly what no one needs,” said Nancy sternly.

There were some murmurs then, whose content I couldn’t peg.

“But I admit, it’s going to be tough to do this one by the book. First thing is, to claim a new species you need a specimen. In formaldehyde, typically. And similar species for comparison. We have none of that here — this is more like a cultural encounter. A meeting with an unknown tribe — what anthropologists call first contact . Because let’s face it, these guys seem to be an awful lot like Homo sapiens from the waist up, though of course we don’t have a tissue sample yet. We’ve never seen a human hybrid. Better safe than sorry, when it comes to human rights. I’m going to call in an anthropologist ASAP. By tomorrow, I guarantee, a colleague from Berkeley will be coming. In the meantime, we can’t leak. Is that one hundred percent understood? The find and its location absolutely cannot be leaked . Mr. Foster’s got some confidentiality agreements I’m going to need you all to sign.”

There was a low rumble of dissatisfaction as Chip, who’d pulled out a sheaf of papers, saluted once again.

“Wait. In return — and this is on the forms too — every single one of you gets an equal share in whatever benefits come from this. Should they accrue. My motive is research and conservation, not profit, I’m telling you flat out. Still, in the event that any revenues do accrue, they will be equally shared. Fair’s fair. I’m putting my name on the same contract as you. Finally, we all get joint credit for the find. Keep in mind, though, we don’t own anything except this video. These mer-people — well, they own themselves. All we have is a story. But it’s an important one. Our story will change the world!”

Nods, respectful signs of assent, a few whispers.

“We’re the custodians of a priceless knowledge, a unique piece of history . Not grubby profiteers who’ll go down in Wikipedia as the destroyers of a race. We don’t want to be the conquistadors. We want to be Charles Darwin.”

“Charles Barkley?” muttered the Fox News spearfisher.

“So until we get the anthropologist onboard — which should be tomorrow if all goes well — no tweets. No social networking sites. No nothing. Anyone who leaks anything forfeits their share of any proceeds or benefits, as well as their credit. Am I crystal-clear here? And the video is embargoed. That contract was signed before we went under at all. OK? Please: Do yourselves a favor. Sign the agreement.”

There were grumbles from the Fox spearfisher and maybe the substitute teacher, but it seemed that all the forms got signed, Nancy collecting them and scanning them with brisk efficiency. I had to hand it to that parrotfish expert — she planned ahead. She had the courage of her convictions.

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