Hanif Kureishi - The Last Word

‘Liana is right. I have got to know.’

‘Know what?’

‘That man out there is an artist.’ Rob pointed out of the window where Alice and Ruth were trimming a tree to Mamoon’s instructions. ‘He met Borges in Paris in the mid-seventies. They had dinner two or three times. What did they talk about? Kafka? Adjectives? Their agents? Why don’t you tell us?’ He rapped his knuckles dangerously against the screen of Harry’s computer. ‘Talent is gold dust. You can pan among a million people and come up with barely a scrap of it. Commitment to the Word stands against our contemporary fundamentalist belief in the market. Have you forgotten that?’

‘Rob, I’m telling you, he’s vile to ordinary people and charming to fascist monsters.’

‘Put that in.’

‘He’s insane. He attacked me with a stick.’ Harry pulled up his shirt and showed Rob the site, still visible. ‘Joyce didn’t do that to Ellmann!’

‘Jesus, that’s bad. Still,’ he sniffed, ‘any simpleton can be good. Mamoon has the balls to be a sinner. Liana has been phoning me. She says among other things that you have inflated ideas about yourself.’

‘She said that?’

‘It was reported by Ruth: Alice and you — the long, blond boy, with his impossibly tall and thin platinum fashionista girl, strolling with the dogs around town, in fashionable raggedy clothes and scuffed boots, disappointed you couldn’t find somewhere that served nettle fettuccine, staring at the tattooed chavs as though you’d just discovered an African tribe. I heard you even photographed a chav’s dog. Liana had to personally apologise.’

‘To the dog?’

Rob removed his skull ring before taking aim and slapping Harry across the face. He stared at him, daring him to respond. ‘Tell me, how come you haven’t been beaten up more?’

‘Should I be?’

‘The party’s dead. We’re on truth time.’ Rob lowered his eyes to Harry’s efforts on the screen. ‘You sit close enough to inhale every emanation of me, and we will examine what you’ve been doing. Are you having a breakdown? You look crazed and seem sad and manic.’

It was true: since Alice had found herself pregnant with twins, her anxiety had entered the red zone, as had Harry’s. Harry’s father had even summoned his youngest son to London for a talking-to. It was like visiting a mischievous cardinal and, cheerfully, Dad had been glad to repeat his homily that a baby in a family, or worse, two babies, was like a hurricane hitting a crowd. All that which had been blown apart had to be put back together, in a new, broader configuration: this was the work of a man, not a boy. Being a father was not a given; one had to assume the throne, stated Dad the throne-sitter. ‘There will be difficulties,’ he added, dabbing his eyes in amusement. But he was also pleased; Harry, with his easy cleverness and tendency towards arrogance, dissipation and frivolity, particularly when it came to women, had given his father good reason to believe he’d achieve zero. In fact Dad had almost become reconciled to it.

Now, having finished her ice cream, Alice came across the lawn towards Harry. If Rob had already wrung him out, it was Alice’s turn.

Not only feeling sick and faint, Alice now found Harry too noisy, overbearing, with his breath too oniony, his fingers sweaty and his eyes suddenly too beady. Meanwhile he was forbidden, of course, from finding her repulsive though she described herself as ‘just sludge’.

She touched him gently on the back and they walked. Worrying about where they would live, she hadn’t been sleeping at all. They would require, at least, a much bigger place, a house in a safe neighbourhood with a garden. How would she look after the children? For that she would need help since he couldn’t expect her to do the housework and childcare while he was in a library, no doubt sipping espressos with publicity girls who would bring him croissants.

‘I am going to be working even harder, Alice. As Mamoon knows, earning a living for life at this game is difficult. We will have to go where the money is — America, where I hope I’ll be able to get work teaching—’

‘Teaching what?’

‘Creative writing.’

‘You know nothing about it,’ she said. ‘I’ve been thinking we should move to Devon.’

‘What would we do?’

‘We have to be somewhere quiet. Somewhere we can hide.’ She began to weep. ‘Not only am I pregnant, Harry, but threatening letters from bailiffs have been arriving while you’ve been down here. I’ve gone a bit over with the spending. I’m terrified that someone is going to enter the flat when you’re down here and seize your Telecaster and the Gibson.’

For him there was nothing like hearing the word ‘bailiff’ to evaporate all hope in the world. ‘What did you say to them?’

‘Don’t scold me. I’ll cut back,’ she said. ‘But now he’s here, please ask Rob for more money.’

‘I will. But what have you been buying?’

‘Coats, jewellery, dinners with girlfriends and a few pairs of shoes. I’ll show them to you.’ They were by the front door, and she called out, knowing Julia would be nearby. ‘Julia, could you bring out the pumps, please? I think they’re in our room.’ She said in a low voice, ‘Julia’s a lovely girl. We have similar backgrounds. Council estates and single mothers.’

‘Is that right?’

‘I think you’ve got it from Mamoon, but I wish you wouldn’t answer a question with another. It’s evasive.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Haven’t you noticed Julia?’

‘I’ve been preoccupied with the book.’

‘She and I went shopping together again. She knows where to go in town. Her brother might give me kickboxing lessons to give me confidence.’

‘He knows how to kick, does he?’

‘You seem annoyed. Is it because she’s a cleaner that you’re rotten to her?’

‘Rotten?’

‘Harry, you can be a snob, you know.’

Julia came out with two boxes. Alice tried on a pair of shoes, and Julia an identical pair. They stood in front of Harry. Rob came out and saw the girls showing Harry their feet.

He said, ‘I knew it. This is what you do down here — look at girls. Now, I’ve worn out two pencils and I’m done for today,’ he said, not giving anything else away. ‘Let’s talk later.’

Liana drove Alice to the station, where she waited for the London train. Harry accompanied them, promising Alice he would get a lot of work done, while thinking about their future. He waved her off, before Liana dropped him at the pub, where Rob was waiting. Harry would get the money question settled immediately, text Alice and relax for a bit.

In the pub Rob was already in a good position where he could see Julia sitting with friends across the bar. Unlike most of Harry’s friends, Rob still felt at ease in pubs where there was nothing to do but drink and talk.

‘Thanks for coming down today to see me, Rob,’ said Harry. ‘I need a further advance, my friend. Cash-wise I’m a bit hemmed in and pressured right now.’

Rob laughed. ‘I can’t organise another payment until it looks like you might not only complete this but make it original. What work are you actually doing?’

‘I’m interviewing and planning. But most of it is in my head.’

Rob shook his head. ‘I’m fighting hard to keep you in place here. Mamoon thought you’d run up an innocuous Reader’s Digest life to increase his standing. He didn’t understand that not only would you be wearing his pants on your face, you’d tell him about it. I might come to regret hiring you.’

‘Looks like you made a mistake.’

‘Anything to do with art is always a risk.’

‘But you over-idealise artists, Rob. There are more interesting and useful people.’