John Casey - Compass Rose

Mary stiffened and stared at her. “Ah, well,” she said, “perhaps it’s a detail the staff should take care of without bothering the upper echelon.”

Elsie took a step back. Even so, she had to look up. She hadn’t realized how this irritated her. She said, “Don’t pull that shit.”

“Oh? And just what—”

“Your poor-little-me, I’m-just-the-scullery-maid-to-the-gentry shit. Look. I work. You work. Just because Jack patted your ass—”

“This is nothing to do with Jack, it’s you and your flouncing around. Any calls for me? No? Then I’m off. Something about Rose? Don’t bother me.”

“I said it was fine about whatever that thing is. It’s fine. It’s your babbling on about elevators and women’s lingerie that’s boring.”

Mary stood still for a second, then walked away. Elsie picked Rose up out of the playpen. Rose squirmed and reached back for her teddy bear. Elsie fumbled with the knob on the door. One of the kitchen staff opened it and held it for her. Had he enjoyed the show? No — he looked sheepish and scared. Not a good night to be working for Mary. Fine.

It wasn’t until Elsie finished strapping Rose in that she stopped being too mad to think. Now she felt the first cold aftermath. She should have stopped at “Don’t pull that shit.” “Babbling” and “boring” would linger with Mary. She looked at Rose, who was far too quiet, sucking her thumb and clutching her teddy bear. Her head was tucked to one side, as if she’d understood everything and was having her own dark thoughts.

“Aw, come on, Rose. I love you. Mary loves you. You’re the darling of the whole kitchen. I can’t even get a date.”

When she got to her house Dick’s pickup was idling in the turnaround. He shut off the motor, got out, and came over to her car. He had an envelope in his hand.

She said, “Let me get Rose inside. Come on in.”

When they got to the front door, Dick said, “You want me to get the door or hold the baby?”

She handed Rose to him. “She knows her name,” Elsie said.

Dick walked around the room with Rose, jiggling her. Rose held her arms out to Elsie. Elsie said, “She’s not in a good mood right now. I’ll get her a bottle. You can put her down. She likes it if you get on the floor with her.”

Dick handed the envelope to Elsie and sat on the bare floor.

“What’s this?” Elsie said. “She likes it better if you lie flat.”

She read the note. “Dear Elsie, I want to talk about Mary bringing Rose over to the house. Is this your idea? Dick.”

Elsie put the bottle in a saucepan of hot water. She said, “May and I talked about it. Mary said she might do it this week. Did May talk to you?”

“I just walked in and there was May and Rose and Mary.”

“I didn’t know — Mary didn’t … I just saw Mary, but I guess other things came up.”

“So who’s in charge? I figured you’re the one in charge.”

Rose crawled across the floor to Elsie and pulled on her pants leg. Elsie said, “She’s not used to a man’s voice. You’ll have to talk softly.”

Dick lay down on his back and put his hand over his face. She picked Rose up and gave the bottle a couple of shakes.

“Jesus, Elsie,” he said into his wrist.

“Still too loud.”

He lifted his hand and whispered, “Jesus, Elsie. Now I’ve got every female in South County telling me what to do.”

Elsie laughed. Dick turned his head and stared up at her. She gave Rose the bottle and walked over to Dick. She turned Rose around, held her under the armpits, and lowered her feet onto Dick’s chest, jouncing her up and down. Rose got into it, taking little prancing steps, making her little laughing noises.

“Put your hand on your face again,” Elsie said. “She likes peekaboo.”

But when Elsie sat Rose on Dick’s chest she crawled off and began to suck on her bottle. Elsie knelt. She leaned over and kissed Dick. She lifted her head and said, “Oh, God,” and kissed him again. She pressed into him. He rolled away.

She felt a cold shock. It stopped her from scrabbling after him.

He lay on his side, his back to her. He gave a groan that made her feel a little better. She got to her feet and sat in a chair. She said, “I guess you’re right.” He lay still. Rose looked at him. With the nipple in her teeth and the bottle dangling, she crawled closer to him. Dick sighed and started to get up. Elsie said, “Careful. Rose is right beside you.” Dick rolled onto his back. Rose studied him and then dropped her bottle onto his stomach. Dick picked it up and slowly handed it back to her. Rose sat up and started sucking again, holding her bottle with both hands and watching Dick.

Elsie felt a tenderness that dizzied her and numbed her. She was afraid it would make her cry if she didn’t do something. She said, “That’s right, Rose. At least one of us knows how to behave.”

Dick seemed to ignore her. He put his hands over his face, opened them, and said, “Peekaboo.” Rose swayed a little but didn’t take her bottle out of her mouth. Dick said, “That’s good, Rose. You’re no pushover.” He looked at Elsie. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. It’s not that I … It’d be too much.”

Elsie knew him. The way she knew him was even more powerful than the pang of tenderness that had just touched her. She forgot herself, and as if she were floating in the air around him, she absorbed what he felt — his pleasure when she kissed him, his alarm, his regaining his balance. And, from what seemed a horizon in him, there came the reason he feared losing his balance — the turbulence he would have to weather when Charlie and Tom found out. And another distant glimmer that was puzzling until it touched what she herself felt when she was alone in the Great Swamp knowing more than she could name. He, too, sometimes knew more than he could name. He depended on coming into grace when he went to sea. He was careful about being in a state to receive it. There had been a time when he thought her sense of things was attuned to his. Of course, he’d been at odds with almost everything and everybody then, so fiercely desperate that she’d been the only person to want him as fierce as he was.

She came back to herself. She leaned against the arm of the chair. She wasn’t as saddened as she’d been afraid she’d be. What the hell, no worse off than other days.

She said, “I guess you’re right.”

Rose crawled closer to him and swung her bottle onto his stomach. This time he didn’t pick it up. He moved his hand toward it and then stopped. Rose stared. Dick touched the bottle and then pulled his hand away. Rose put one hand on his stomach and with the other pushed the bottle onto his chest. He ran his fingers over it as if his hand were a mouse. Rose climbed onto him and grabbed the bottle. She sat on his chest and started drinking. He pulled his knees up to give her a backrest and held her hips. He said, “Charlie used to do that. Except you had to watch out for when he’d throw it. Catch you in the face if you weren’t looking.”

“All coming back to you, is it? A dad all over again.” Every time she opened her mouth she sounded either glib or lame.

The phone rang. It was Johnny Bienvenue. It took him a while to get around to saying, “Any chance of some tennis?”

“I’ll have to see. I want to, but I’m in the middle of something right now. Can I call you back?”

When she hung up, Dick was sitting in her chair jouncing Rose on his knees. “ ‘Trot, trot, to Boston, trot, trot, to Lynn,’ Look out, Rose, you’re going to fall … IN!” Rose laughed as Dick swooped her down and caught her. No question about it, a real laugh.

Elsie said, “That was Miss Perry’s lawyer.”

When Dick got to the front door he handed Rose to her. “It’s good the way you’re looking after Miss Perry. You’re putting me to shame. Charlie is, too. He’s been going over there pretty often.”