J. Powers - The Stories of J.F. Powers

HUB: You can say that again.

TOM: Round up some more p.d. and sulphur, so we can get an early start tomorrow. Go ahead, Hub. I’ll clean up here.

HUB: Thanks, Tom. You’re a brick.

TOM: That last batch of sulphur seemed to have more to it.

HUB: There’s plenty more where that came from. ( Goes off .)

TOM: Don’t go too far away, Hub. It’s getting dark.

ACT THREE

Time : Later

Place : A crowded hearing room, Washington, D.C.

HODGKINS: Brown? Who’s he? How’d he get scheduled?

WOODROW: I’m sure I don’t know.

MELLER: Don’t look at me.

HODGKINS: Brown, if you’re Brown, who scheduled you?

TOM: I’d rather not say at this time, sir. When you hear all we have to say, sir, I think you’ll understand.

HODGKINS: We? Who’s we?

TOM: My friend and I.

WOODROW: Is your friend present?

HUB: Yes, sir. Hickman, sir. Hub.

HODGKINS: Who scheduled you ?

HUB: We’ve just returned from the moon, sir.

HODGKINS ( rapping the table ): Quiet! You people will please remember that you’re here as guests of the Committee.

MELLER: Tom Brown?

TOM: Yes, sir.

MELLER: Is it true, Tom, that you’ve just returned from the moon?

TOM: Yes, sir. Actually, we’ve been back about a week.

HODGKINS ( rapping the table ): Now see here— quiet!

HUB: We wanted your committee to be the first to know, sir.

CYNICAL REPORTER: They came to the right place.

TOM: We would’ve come sooner, sir, but couldn’t get past your administrative assistants.

HUB: And legislative assistants, sir.

HODGKINS: I’m always available.

WOODROW: Me, too.

MELLER: Just the two of you made the trip, Tom?

TOM: Yes, sir. There wasn’t room for more, what with all the gear. It’s just a little two-seater, Hub’s heap. Supercharged, of course.

WOODROW: What kind of cock-and-bull story is this?

MELLER: My witness, Senator. And how was it on the moon, Tom?

TOM: About as expected, sir. Dusty. Airless, and therefore soundless, but we used sign language, and later lip reading. Hot during most of the day and cold at night. No rain to speak of while we were there, no moonquakes, and only an occasional meteor hit — none very close to us, fortunately.

HUB: Don’t you believe it, Senator. Tom had one near miss.

TOM: I’d say the hardest thing about it was the duration of the days and nights — each day, each night lasting two weeks. This made for a long workday, to say nothing of the time spent in the — pardon the expression — sack. But our bodies soon got used to it. Our thoughts were often of home.

HUB: You can say that again.

TOM: And of course it took a while to get used to the buoyancy. I weighed thirty-two and a half pounds, but had the full use of my strength, and a corresponding bulge on matter, which made our work a lot easier than it would have been otherwise.

MELLER: What was your work, Tom?

TOM: Constructing buildings, sir, with pumice dust. We had a devil of a time at first. Couldn’t get the p.d., as it’s called, to mix properly with the stickum — this obtained from sulphur, which is abundant on the moon, though in varying strengths, so that you have to know what you’re doing. We ran quality tests constantly. Once we got the hang of it, we were all right.

MELLER: Did you construct a building?

TOM: Two, sir. Oh, nothing like this one, but good and solid and not too small at that.

HUB: About the size of a bank.

TOM: But for the buoyancy factor, these buildings might have taken the two of us years to complete.

HODGKINS: Who scheduled you two birds?

WOODROW: I’ve had enough of this.

MELLER: Not so fast, gentlemen. Any signs of other life, Tom?

TOM: If you don’t mind, sir, I’d like to reply to the other Senator. We took the precaution to document our trip, fully expecting to be treated as we have been by some here today, though ( to Meller ) not by you, sir. Photographs of the buildings, samples of the soil, if you can call it that, p.d., sulphur, and so on — actually very little else.

HODGKINS ( rapping ): Quiet!

TOM: Now, sir, to your question. Yes, as you might expect if you keep up with the developments in the interstellar field, there were signs of other life on the moon.

HODGKINS ( rapping ): Here! Here! Order! Order!

MELLER: Pray continue, Tom.

TOM: With your kind permission, sir. Signs of other life, yes, and more than signs!

HODGKINS ( rapping ): Sergeant, do your duty. Order! Order! Order!

MELLER: You mean they are there?

TOM: Yes, sir.

MELLER: You saw them, Tom?

TOM: Yes, sir, and so did Hub.

HUB: Yes, sir.

TOM: In great numbers, sir. In very great numbers. They did not see us, but we saw them.

MELLER: What were they doing, Tom?

TOM: Why, constructing buildings with pumice dust, sir.

MELLER: How many buildings would you say they have?

TOM: Well, sir, when we left they had the beginnings of only one. Doubtless they ran into the same trouble we did at first, but, like us, they overcame that trouble. How many buildings they have now — with their program — I could not say. If I could, sir, I would not care to say in such a public place as this.

CYNICAL REPORTER: Well, I’ll be darned!

HODGKINS ( seeing a man trying to slink out ): Stop that man!

SERGEANT AT ARMS: Oh, no, you don’t!

MAN: Чëрт возъми! [“Devil take it!”]

HODGKINS ( seeing another man trying to slink out ): Stop that man!

SERGEANT AT ARMS: Oh, no, you don’t!

MAN: ? [“What’s to be done?”]

HODGKINS: Lock the doors! Lock the doors!

MELLER ( presently ): Well, gentlemen? What do you say now?

HODGKINS: My hat’s off to you, young man.

TOM: Thank you, sir.

HODGKINS: And to you, too, young man.

HUB: Thank you, sir.

WOODROW: Same here to both of you.

MELLER: You see, Tom and Hub, they really aren’t so bad. Whatever our party differences, we never fail to close ranks when threatened from without. What we have to do now is get that little machine of yours into production.

HODGKINS: And put a million men on the moon constructing buildings with pumice dust.

WOODROW: Two million.

MELLER: Three.

HODGKINS: I still don’t know who scheduled you young men.

TOM: You haven’t heard all we have to say, sir.

HUB: What Tom means, sir, is that he’d like your daughter’s hand in marriage.

TOM ( to Senator Woodrow ): And what Hub means, sir, is that he’d like your daughter’s hand in marriage.

HODGKINS: You mean it was Nancy who scheduled you, Tom?

TOM: Yes, sir.

WOODROW: And it was Sophie who scheduled you, Hub?

HUB: Yes, sir.

HODGKINS: Well, in that case, I don’t see why not.

WOODROW: I’ll go along with that.

CYNICAL REPORTER: Let me out of here!

THE TIME TO plant grass seed is in the winter, the man in the next parish had told Joe: just mix it in with the snow and let nature do the rest. So Joe had done that — had believed a priest who rode a scooter and put ice cubes in his beer — and, toward the end of April, had ordered sod. When he discovered that leftover sod couldn’t be returned for credit, he’d had it laid down alongside the church, over the flower beds — things like petunias — and now, on a warm Sunday, he could walk in what shade there was during the last Mass, read his breviary, and keep an eye on the parking lot. “ The story is told …” And when the church windows were open, as they were now, he could catch the sermon. He had heard his curate, Bill, earlier, and now he was hearing the old monk who helped out on weekends, Father Otto. “ In like manner, my good people, one part of the camel’s corpus was followed by another (indeed, it could not be otherwise) until, at last, the rough beast was inside the tent, and the merchant, poor man, with all his good intentions, was out in the raging desert storm, or simoom. How. Like. Sin. That. Is .”