Rodrigo Leao - All Dogs are Blue

Men with manes, bird manes, were speaking a language I didn’t understand. I had a strange theory: every animal on earth has a planet where its intelligence is equal to that of humans and they survive like us. So, beetles had Beetleland; ducks, Duckland. Maybe I was just dreaming about Disneyland? There was a league that brought together all the beings in the universe. But each one spoke its own language. K d pocua besourfez biologic Todog .

I woke up suddenly, the word Todog echoing in my ears. I wrote down the code and stuck it on the corkboard. The dream would recur, but always with a new word. I felt special, receiving those messages. I thought I was a clairvoyant, all-seeing. Someone who’d have answers for the cosmos. I placed an ad in the newspaper, looking for other people who had the same powers, who were working in the same field.

Ten people appeared. We decided to hold meetings called Todog. We were tasked with creating a new language that different beings would use to communicate with one another.

The meetings were delightful, each of us talking about our life with extraterrestrials. Some had had chips implanted, so we needed to join together as a congregation. We ate wind. We drank air. We fed on sunlight. I lost thirty kilos. We started to set aside some money for our photocopying expenses and supplies.

Out of the Todog meetings came the Todog religion. I was consecrated Magma I. And each one of the other ten members had a specific role. It was a small step from my consecration as Magma I to being First Todog.

Rising over other people is a funny thing. Having the power to speak and make others do exactly what you’ve asked. But I didn’t abuse my status as First Todog.

I was the First Todog, the one everyone had to respect. I was a kind of god to those people. I was responsible for making sense of the laws of the universe and turning them into a language that could be understood by the other beings in the universe.

For my father this was pure insanity.

You want me to call you Todog. Like a kind of dog?

No, not dog. It’s Todog.

How ridiculous can you be. Look at you, wearing a robe. You don’t even put on trousers any more.

They’re Todog robes.

And the flowers?

Todog flowers.

Everything is Todog?

Yes, I’m part of everything. Anhamambé arlicouse proto bumba Todog.

Stop saying that nonsense.

To cantilya chamtipa cur

Tuereriçaau mandique puss

Pos polacossidrometáuio.

Todog.

My father slapped me across the face. The other members of my religion laid into my father.

They really beat me up. I’m calling the police.

We have religious freedom.

Your religion is lynching an old man.

When they attack our god Todog we’re defending ourselves from their hell.

My hell is all of you and this idiot son of mine.

Todog. We are one another’s hell.

I’m kicking you out. Go live in some other shithole.

Todog. Absentam. Clux.

Todog.

I left and went to the streets preaching the Todog. First we had to grow and multiply the number of the faithful.

We got into a fight on the corner of Miguel Lemos with some punks who were passing by. Todog is strong and imposes itself by force. Two punks converted. The power of the word renewed the lives of those who took on the teachings.

We went to sleep in a nearby shelter. I had to name a Todog 2 to take my place. So I chose the fattest one. I called him Xuma Quizombe. Xuma consecrated himself grand master. Bencotuzaac maarrienovic gossstumaan . Xuma Todog 2. He was my secretary on all our works. Kicked out of the shelter, we went to an abandoned campground.

In two months there were 500 of us.

Todog Xantipa maarlameeu .

With time, I was feeling my body less and less. They gave me some other glasses and these new glasses gave me strange powers. Like concentrating solely and exclusively on my destiny. After all, it’s not like everyone has gone through what I have. And I needed to forget everything, remember less, not live in the past so much. Dogs were blue and what would this lead to? It wasn’t my fault that I saw the light of things. Although the light of things was disappearing and giving way to a new light: the Todog lutz vaticerum forbid beach boys club .

With time, I was starting to master the language. The one that would unite all beings. I knew the language so well that I was slowly giving up speaking my own language. The meetings at the campground were fruitful. I spoke to more and more people.

You need to deliver your self to Todog. The world was made for you. A calm world of love. Fortex climberg Todog .

There were times when I only spoke Todog and Xuma translated for everyone. The people made donations. So many that we bought the campground and built a big house there.

Go to bed. This is no hour for a child to be up.

Yes, Mum.

I slept with my blue dog.

You have a very beautiful future ahead of you, the fortune teller told me.

She read the lines on the palm of my hand.

Our house was new. A dog always came along and howled in the mirrored night that was the lake. Every lake is a mirrored night when the moon is full.

The furious hands of silence were falling through my childhood. The deeper I got into my childhood Todog, the more I forgot myself. Gradually I forgot that I had a family. My family became Todog. During the sermons I emphasised the need to love your neighbour as yourself. I wrote a booklet with some commandments. And I also set down rules for our use of psychotropic drugs. After a month we had over a thousand followers. We lived off what we grew in the big vegetable garden on the old campground. We built houses. Many rich people joined the ranks of Todog and donated lots of money to help make it an official foundation. Over time it became necessary to put some controls in place. Each new member had to spend one month weeding, the next one planting, and so on and so forth. Since Todog was only revealed to me, I was the one who doled out punishments.

One fine day some cops came and took me to a nearby asylum. In the asylum I was put in the ward for the most serious cases.

A crowd was shouting outside the asylum. More than a thousand. Xuma is commanding the picket line. Slowly the police start to arrive. They want order. Todog isn’t about violence. The police start to let fly. Knocking people senseless left, right and centre. The Todog retaliate. The police fire tear gas at my people.

Inside the asylum the lunatics are frightened. They put me in a skip and transfer me to a prison.

You’re leading a band of lunatics.

They’re not lunatics.

They’re following a lunatic like you.

Surely we’re not causing any harm.

Xuma shows up, bloodied, and gives me a hug.

Todog .

What the hell is that? What’s Todog?

Todog is all the forces in one.

Spit it out.

Todog is the language that all animals speak.

You trying to say that dogs don’t bark?

Dogs and all living beings have a transcendent home of their own.

The officer called another cop and had him bring in the most ferocious dog in the regiment. The dog entered, barking and slobbering, a ball of rage beside me.

Todog ministral calipsomburguer veneran do lupsier todog .

The dog, who was about to bite me, started licking me, docility itself. I turned to the cops:

This is Todog. The language all understand.

Our man here is crazy. He’s screwing with us. The dog doesn’t understand that shit, no way.

The cop pistol-whipped me and my eyebrow started to bleed. Xuma ran towards me. They clobbered him with the pistol too.