Patrick White - The Vivisector

In one of these fits he remembered May Noble his fellow artist. He would write to May. Detached, and as he remembered, honest, the cook might be expected to illuminate the situation — if she replied.

May did reply:

Dear Mr Hurtle,

I got the palpitations when I read the Name at the bottom of your note, had begun to wonder if you hadn’t died behind our backs ha-ha!

Thank you for your kind news which reached me just in time at ‘the old address’. It is disposed of as they say by agents since your Mommong left. You will of been told about it all. It isn’t for me to remark on, but a person wouldn’t be human. It was a very nice wedding it appears, I didn’t go. St James’s, all the nobs! Edith went, she was always more cool and calm, she could always dress the part, while I have my bunion which mean I can’t get a shoe on without its hell.

Well it was a white wedding in spite of her a widow. Your Mummy we know liked a display especially if it was her own self. There was no bridesmaid. With all the other frills Edith says it made it funny, no maids. Little Rhoda wouldn’t of looked right poor thing though she and me we never hit it off. Then who else for the Maid? Not old Mrs Hollingrake ha-ha! Any way they are now all gone Miss Rhoda too to live in England your Mummy always said Australia was common. I hope our Mr Julian Boilew will treat her kind. A lot of these marriages with young husbands are over after the first few kicks. And Rhoda always on their hands.

Hurtle dear I oughtn’t to say but have invented a dish which is the real mackay of lobster and creamcheese and double fresh cream with a scent of brandy and extra chunks of lobster flesh you mould it and it looks and tastes a dream.

Well dear, I wonder if we will ever meet. I am going to a lady on the North Shore (never thought I would end up there) she likes it nice and plain, but the money’s tidy. Edith is well placed, practically only cleaning the silver, with a newspaper man up Bellevue Hill.

Well dear Hurtle love, I hope to see you turn up before I am wearing a nappy with the Little Sisters of the Poor.

Your ever affectionate

may Noble

P.S. Edith read about the funny will you will of heard of how Mummy gets it all. Of course she will see about her kids but it is odd that Father who was so fond of you and Rhoda should have left it that way, as if he didn’t care. Keep is passed on did you know at Maroullan. She piled it up, but nobody to leave it to except a neece she was always fighting with. Well, that is the way it goes.

Edging along the sea-wall, flicking prawnshells into the water, his old army overcoat rubbing and catching on the pockmarked stone, the young man had every opportunity for night thoughts, except that the night itself, with its smears of oily light and sounds of lolling, tepid sea, was so accommodating.

Then, too, his early dislocation, when Duffields sold and Mr and Mrs Courtney bought him, helped him accept May’s information as final. He hadn’t bothered to keep up a correspondence with someone he remembered with affectionate respect: she had fulfilled her purpose. In any case, he hadn’t the cook’s new address. He had even less clues to the whereabouts of Mrs Julian Boileau and her entourage. Returning home by cargo he had sometimes wondered whether the glittering liner they were passing carried the Julian Boileaus in it. He visualized them stretched on deck-chairs, sipping a frosted nightcap and making languid conversation. Rhoda he imagined, head between the rails, watching their long turbulent wake, just as he was standing watching his.

Of course he could have exerted himself, through agents, solicitors, lapsed acquaintances, to trace his ex-‘family’, but lacked the ultimate belief in the efficacy of family ties. He was dependent on himself for anything he might become, and when he was too tired, too poor, too hungry, too discouraged, self-opinion was his consolation: to sign himself ‘Duffield’, not on the half-realized paintings he almost immediately painted out, but on those he was still only capable of painting in his head.

In the deserted park at that hour the sounds of Sydney were solider than the shapes of night: opaque fluorescence of a fog-horn somewhere in the harbour; drawn-out squeal of a leaping train; empty bottle slapping fat water; a smoker’s cough. In the not-so-deserted park he realized somebody was approaching, following the curve of the sea-wall, stubbing and rubbing. At moments it sounded as though a thigh was cannoning off the stone upholstery; while he continued leaning, elbows riveted to the wall: he should have been able to avert the collision, but didn’t seem to have the power to move.

‘Holy Moses! ’

A woman’s rather large, soft, furry form spattered against and around him: not all soft; her forehead on his was hard as a billiard ball.

‘Though I hit an iron post!’ she yelled. ‘A bloody lamp-post without the lamp!’

Because she had got a fright she sounded angry at first, then began to laugh, her laughter smelling of scent and brandy. ‘You haven’t got much to say,’ she said, as she continued standing against him, as he continued standing or leaning where he had been put.

‘I don’t feel like it.’ He heard his own awkwardness.

‘Feel like what? Wait till you’re asked!’

‘Thought it was the man who asks — and the woman decides.’

‘Not always she don’t! By crikey, no! More often than not, she takes what comes. Arr, dear!’

She leaned over the wall beside him; the tail of her fur hung down black, pointing at the water.

‘I’ve always been hopin’ ter find something of value in the sea.’ The brandy was making her dreamier. ‘A pearl, or somethun. And never found nothun — but a used Frenchie!’

Again she went off into shrieks, not particularly for him, for some larger audience of abstract, night faces, and as she laughed a finger of light picked at the gold in her open mouth.

She must have felt his recoil, for she began revising her performance at once; she stuck her arm through his, and said: ‘What about goin’ for a little walk? Up to my place. Eh? What do they call you, dear? Eh?’

‘Hurtle.’ He let her have the naked truth.

She sounded melancholy. ‘Some of them think from the start you’re gunner come at blackmail. They think of funny names.’

‘My name isn’t funny,’ he rasped. ‘Or if it is, it’s the only one I’ve got.’

‘Is it?’ She disbelieved. ‘They call me Nance,’ she told him in an ever so slightly formal voice.

He hung back: suffocated by fur and brandy, he’d had enough of Nance.

‘Aren’t you comin’ up to my place?’ she asked and tugged, hopeful still.

‘I got a hole in me pocket.’

She started shrieking again. ‘You have, eh? Then you can walk behind and do it for nothun!’

The silence shut her up at last.

‘If that’s what you meant.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘It wasn’t what I meant. I meant I’m stone-broke. ’

He began to slip away over the trampled grass. If he had dared, he would have started running; but the woman might have started too, her fur flopping, her breath trumpeting after him.

‘What makes you think it’s a luxury?’ Not only her voice, the sound of her feet was following him over the dead grass. ‘’Oo never asks, never finds out.’

He imagined too strong a jaw raised against the night to deliver its oracle.

He didn’t answer, but went on slithering across the park, his army overcoat by now as heavy as an inescapable dream.

On the edge of an oval, faint dandelion lamps were flowering.

‘Hey, dig?’ she called. ‘Wait a mo, digger.’ She was thundering over the iron ground. ‘’Ow d’you know we wouldn’t like each other?’