Barry Hannah - Long, Last, Happy - New and Collected Stories

He confessed his grief and confusion to the pelican. The absurd creature, flying bag, talked back to him: “Tell me. It’s rough all over, pard. Lost my whole family in Hurricane Fred.” One thing about the sea, thought Ross, sneering toward it, it doesn’t care. Almost beautiful in that act. Maybe we should all try it.

Next thing they heard, Newt was visiting his sister in Orlando. She and her husband lent their condo at New Smyrna Beach to him. He was sunning and “refining his health” at pool and ocean-side. He was working on poems and didn’t know how he felt about them. Walker, Ann’s husband, came by frequently and chatted. He liked Walker a lot. He wasn’t going to impose on them forever. The world was “over there” and he knew it. Ross and Nabby’s music was helping, thanks. Especially Bach. Had they ever listened to the Tabernacle Choir? Glorious. Newt said that he wanted “excruciatingly to walk in the Way.” Grats extreme too for the money. He was just beginning his life and would be reimbursing everybody soon. “Truly, though, people, I like being poor and I am going to get used to it.”

Ross had written himself neutral. He rewrote what he had thrown to sea, it didn’t matter, there it was all back and the life of the saintly cowboy wrote itself. He wrote twenty pages one night, nonstop, and recollected that he could not remember what he had said. When he read the pages, however, they were perfect. The words had gone along by themselves. Ross seemed not to have mattered at all. His mind, his heart, his belly were not engaged. Entailed was a long episode of murder, rape, and the burning alive of a prized horse. A short herd of people were killed, the cowboy wounded in the throat. It was some of Ross’s best writing, but he had not particularly cared. Even hacks sometimes cared, he knew. This business was too alike to the computer goons he despised. Ross was bleak. He’d just gotten too damned good at his stuff. He was expendable. Nothing but the habitual circuitry was required.

Otherwise, it was a good year. Nabby did not say any more insane things. But she badly wanted a face-lift. Felt sure she was falling apart and would not show herself near sunlight. Back in her room the ointments overblew the air. She kept herself in goo and almost quit golf. They had had separate rooms since Newt went to the asylum. She felt ugly. Ross felt for her deeply. This emotion was a constant tender sorrow and that was what he had instead of the eruptions of love and homicidal urges. It was much better, this not too sad little flow. Their love life was much better, in truth. A sort of easy tidal cheer came over Ross, fifty-three. He was appreciating his years and the pleasant gravitation toward death. It had a sweet daze to it. He could look at his tomb and smile, white flag up in calm surrender.

Why not a face-lift, and why not love? Things were falling together even though he was a disattached man. He rushed to finish the book before the old cowboy died. Blink, there it was. The old man’s children read it to him and he liked it very much. They told Ross his eyes, like a robin’s eggs, brightened. He blessed the author. He had never thought his life made any sense. He had never meant to be famous or read about. He wished he could read. By far he was the most pleasant subject Ross had ever worked with.

Nabby, fresher at the neck though a little pinched at the eyes after her face-lift, wanted the children to visit over Thanksgiving and have a family portrait made. They’d not heard much from either of them lately. Newt was teaching night classes at a community college in Orlando. He had his own place.

But when Ann called he could hear his daughter was not right. Something had happened. The upshot was Newt had converted to Mormonism, very zealously, and had simply walked out of town and his job and his apartment, without a word to anyone. Nobody knew where he was. He had destroyed all his poetry two months before. He left everything he owned.

Ross could see his wife, blank in her new face, holding the phone as if it were a wounded animal. She cradled it and stroked it. Ross had never seen an act like that. Ann’s voice continued but her mother listened at the end, when Ross took the phone, as if death were speaking to her directly. Ann’s husband, Walker, came on and detailed the same version.

“What do Mormons, new Mormons, do?” asked Ross.

“There’s no place, like a Mecca, if that’s what you mean,” said Walker.

“I mean how should they act?”

“It’s inside, Ross. They affirm. They attend. They practice. They study. A great deal of study.”

“What did , damn it, Mormonism — or you —do to Newton?”

“He wasn’t raving. It’s not charismatic.”

“Would he be in some fucking airport selling flowers?”

Walker hung up. His reverent tongue was well known. All told, he was a Boy Scout with a hard-on for wealth; the boy so good he was out of order. He wouldn’t even drink a Coke. Caffeine, you know. When Ross lit a Kool, Walker looked at him with great pity. Ross hated him now, smug and square-jawed, wearing a crew cut. He saw him dripping with a mass of tentacles attached to him, dragging poor Newton into the creed, “elders” spiriting him away. The cult around Howard Hughes, letting him dwindle into a freak while they waited on his money. Clean-cut international voodoo. Blacks and Indians were the tribes of Satan, weren’t they? Ross always rooted against BYU when they played football on television. Sure. Hardworking, clean-limbed boys next door. Just one tiny thing or three: we swallow swords, eat snakes, and ride around on bicycles bothering people for two years. Nabby lay on her bed with her new face turned into the pillow. Ross petted her, but his anger drove him out to the pier again, where for a long time he searched the far shore for the image of his lost daughter-in-law, Ivy, naked and in grief, hugging her breasts.

So. The colleges wouldn’t have him anymore. There goes that option. He had a great future behind him, did Newt.

“Destroyed his poems.” Right out of early Technicolor. Have mercy on us. What kind of new Newton did we have now? Fig Newton, Fucked Newton. He tried hard again not to detest his boy. He tried to picture him helpless. Mormons probably specialized in weak depressed poets. Promise him multiple wives, a new bicycle. But more accurately Ross detested Newton for the sane cheer of his letters. What a con man, cashing Ross’s ardent checks. Venal politician. Ross could hit him in the face.

From Ann he had heard that Ivy was at home with her father, who was sick and might die. They’d cut a leg off him just lately. Ross wanted to take the form of Andy the pelican and fly over there to her.

This did not feel like his home right now. He did not like Nabby collapsing again, especially with her expensive new face. He reviewed his grudges against her. Five years ago, at the death of his father — an ancient man beloved by everyone except Nabby, who thought he was an awful chauvinist who loved to be adored too much: true — she had not shed a tear until later in the car when she told Ross some woman had alluded slyly to her sun wrinkles. She began cursing and crying for herself, his father barely in the ground. Ross almost drove the Riviera off the road. He said not a word all the way home from Florida. Nabby, jealous of the dead man who’d upstaged her own dear plight; the funeral a mere formality while huge issues like sun wrinkles were being battled.

Feeling stranded, he’d driven over to Bayou La Batre four days later. He didn’t call ahead. The Pilgrims lived just off Route 90 in a little town called Grand Bay. A healthy piece of change from the old cowboy’s book had just arrived. He was anxious to spend money on something worthwhile. How impoverished were the Pilgrims? the mother had been a surprise. He’d not told nabby about it, for the first time in his life with her.