Geoff Nicholson - Flesh Guitar

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Guitar players change lives. Everybody knows that. Geoff Nicholson's deliriously funny Flesh Guitar is overstimulated love letter to the guitar, complete with feedback, reverb, and special guest appearances, with a lead player the likes of whom has not been seen since Hendrix departed this earth.Into the Havoc Bar and Grill, an end-of-the-world watering hole on the outer fringes of the metropolis, walks the entertainment, Jenny Slade. She has the look down: beat-up leather jacket, motorcycle boots, cheekbones, and wild hair. But she's no ordinary guitar heroine. Her guitar is like none her audience has ever seen, part deadly weapon, part creature from some alien lagoon. Is that hair? Are those nipples? Is it flesh? Where does Jenny Slade come from? Where does she go? Geoff Nicholson fans know that wherever that is, the fide will be like no other.

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‘Well, maybe just a little.’

‘And are you really saying you’re not a “lover man”, Jimi?’

He smiles that shy, polite smile, eyes and head turned coyly down. He won’t deny it. ‘Lady’s man, cocksman, axe-man, whatever,’ he says.

‘I thought so,’ she says.

‘Yeah, sure,’ Jimi says. ‘It’s like a divining rod, maybe a fishing rod. It helps make you feel connected. It helps you make a catch.’

She doesn’t bother to ask whether he’s talking about his guitar or his penis. It doesn’t really matter which.

‘It plugs you into these, kinda, energies,’ Jimi says. ‘And you know out there in swingin’ London there’s a whole lot of sockets just begging you to plug into them.’

‘You always had a way with metaphor, Jimi.’

‘Thank you,’ he says, hoping he’s not being mocked.

‘You know,’ Jenny says thoughtfully, ‘I think that a man generally makes love the same way he plays a guitar solo. For example, some men are very hot and flashy but it’s all over in ten seconds. Some make a big noise and it gets the job done but it’s crude, simple stuff. Some men are always asking, when’s it going to be my turn to take a solo, my turn to perform, as though they’re really keen and really good, but when the chance comes and the spotlight’s on them they tend to shrivel and lose interest.

‘Some other men are very fancy, full of technique and finesse, as though they’ve read all the books and practised all the moves, but when it comes to the real thing there’s no passion there, just a lot of twiddling and showing off to no purpose. What do you think, Jimi?’

He smiles again, a little embarrassed by what he knows he’s about to tell her.

‘Well,’ he says, ‘personally, I like to jam and, basically, I’ll jam with just about anyone, and once I start jammin’ it just goes on and on, hour after hour, sometimes all night long. It gets very free form, very wild, very experimental. I like to get into whole new areas that I’ve never explored before. I like to try things that I never knew I was capable of. Sometimes it mightn’t work out exactly right, but that’s cool. I haven’t had too many complaints except maybe from the neighbours who start beating on the walls telling me to “keep it down in there”, whereas I just want to keep it up.’

He laughs a roguish, boyish laugh and Jenny’s inclined to go with it, to be gentle on him, but that’s really not what she’s there for.

‘On the other hand, Jimi, I’ve never seen too many women in your backing bands.’

‘Huh?’

‘You know, women keyboard players, women drummers, women bass players. Women who are good for something other than undressing and putting on your album cover.’

‘Like I say, I’ll play guitar with anyone.’

‘Anyone so long as they’ve got a dick. You’re not telling me you couldn’t find a woman who played bass better than Billy Cox, better than Noel Redding.’

‘Shit, I don’t know. Guys are good for playing in bands with. Chicks are good for other things.’

‘You know, Jimi, one day soon this kind of talk will sound very sexist.’

‘What’s that mean?’

‘It’s a seventies word, Jimi, a seventies concept, but not one that you’re going to have to worry too much about.’

‘Well, thank God for that.’

‘The seventies is going to be a very strange decade for Jimi Hendrix.’

She can see him bristle. Strange is normal where Jimi comes from. He wants the future to be less strange, more structured, more you know, composed.

‘Hey,’ he says, ‘the seventies is going to be a great decade for me. I got big plans. I’m going to make some serious music, some serious collaborations, maybe work with Miles Davis, Gil Evans, maybe play with Jeff Beck and John McLaughlin (John’s a real spiritual cat), and Eric, of course. Going to make lots of albums, lots of money, put it all together, make a lot of number one hits.’

‘The number one hit, yes, you’ll have that,’ Jenny says cheerfully. ‘Thirteen weeks on the chart. The rest of it, I’m afraid not.’

‘What you talking about? Who are you to be afraid for me? Who are you anyway? You talk too much to be a groupie. You a fucking journalist or something? You trying to bring me down? You some kind of devil woman?’

‘As popularized in song?’ she says. ‘You and Robert Johnson, two of a kind. No, I’m no devil woman. I’m just someone who can see a bit further into the future than you can.’

‘You a clairvoyant?’

‘No.’

‘Or are you just part of a bad trip? You know, I heard there are drugs can give you crazy powers, like telepathy, like the ability to see the future.’

‘Drugs are going to kill you, Jimi.’

‘Nah, not me. The others. I’m strong. I can take anything.’

‘It’s OK,’ says Jenny. ‘A lot of people won’t mind you being dead at all. They’ll love you for being dead. The seventies, the eighties, the nineties, they’re all going to be good decades for James Marshall Hendrix. There’ll be lots of respect, adulation, big record sales. There just won’t be any more music. Not new music anyway, not by you.’

Jimi looks troubled. He’s talked to people who’ve taken acid and seen visions of their own death. ’Course they ain’t necessarily accurate, but it’s still scary.

‘But a lot of people are going to like that too,’ Jenny continues. ‘There’s nothing like a completed oeuvre to bring out the scholars. But it won’t only be scholars. Every guy who ever picks up a guitar is going to try to play the riff from “Purple Haze”, and the fact is an awful lot of them are going to get it note-for-note perfect. There are going to be people who spend their whole lives just trying to rip off your sound.’

‘You’re really starting to bring me down, you know that?’ Jimi says.

‘I can see how that might happen, Jimi, yes.’

He shudders. He feels a twinge as though someone has snapped a cold guitar string across his back. He doesn’t know who this woman is, whether she’s flesh or the product of his own mind, but he knows that in some vital sense she’s for real. She has a gift, the gift of prophecy, just like in the songs, the legends. This feels like a chillingly authentic blues moment, but also modern, all tuned in with drugs and outer space, stars spangling in the black velvet sky, dead stars, multiple moons. Shit, he’s starting to drift away. He hauls himself back.

‘You’re here to tell me I’m about to die,’ he says, just to get this whole thing absolutely clear.

‘Yes,’ she says.

‘And there’s nothing I can do about it, right? No penance. No restitution, no second chance.’

‘That’s it.’

‘Boy, that’s heavy,’ he says.

He thinks, then starts to giggle.

‘Hey, maybe you can answer some questions for me.’ And suddenly he’s wide-eyed and eager for information. ‘Is there sex after death? Are there guitars in heaven? Is music like the thing that makes sense of the universe?’

She hasn’t the heart to tell him she hasn’t the faintest idea, so she tries to be mysterious and says, ‘You’ll have the answers soon enough.’

Jimi is not deterred. He says, ‘Up there you can probably play like for eternity, right? Guitar solos can go on from now until the end of time. I’ll get to jam with Charlie Christian and Robert Johnson and all those great guys. Yeah, and new arrivals all the time. I’ll eventually get to jam with guys from the future. Play riffs that haven’t even been invented yet. Wow. Hey, I’m really getting into this.’

And he starts to laugh and laugh, gets the real giggles, the stoned version that makes no sense but keeps going till it hurts, the cosmic joke, the ultimate laugh track.

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