Irvine Welsh - A Decent Ride

Ah feel ma hands grippin the sides ay the chair. — What aboot oor Yvonne?

— She’s his awright.

— So what’s the fuckin story then, Ma? C’moan!

She looks aw fretful, chewin oan her bottom lip. — Yi’ll hate me fir telling ye this. .

— Ah’m jist fuckin relieved that bastard hus fuck all tae dae wi ays. Ah lower ma voice. — You’re ma mother. Ah’ll ey love ye. You brought ays up, gave ays everything. Ah reaches ower n grabs her thin wee hand n gies it a squeeze. Then ah leans back in the chair. — So tell ays the story!

Ma’s face is a kind ay chalky-white. Then a grim wee smile plays acroass they thin, puckered auld lips. — Ah wis fifteen when Henry Lawson set eyes oan us, Terry. At the school, back in Leith. David Kilpatrick’s.

— Aye, DK. Daft Kids, ah goes.

Her puss crinkles, but she carries oan. — Aye, eh wis a charmer awright, n wi started gaun oot. As you ken, Henry hud a mooth oan um. .

Ah feel like tellin her that eh still fuckin well does, but ah jist nods at her tae carry oan.

Her heid bows a wee bit n she lowers her eyes tae the flair. — Everybody thoat, sort ay assumed, that we’d gaun aw the wey, but ah wis still a virgin, n she looks up n sees ma eyebrows rise. Ah cannae help the thought risin tae the surface: that auld cunt wisnae the big shagger eh made oot!

— Dinnae git me wrong, we’d done everything else. .

Ma guts flip ower, but ah keeps ma fuckin mooth shut. Not fuckin easy.

—. . but wi hudnae done it , she says, like she’s sad. — Then, one morning, it wis around Christmas, n thaire wis an awfay snowstorm. School wis cancelled for a couple ay days. Muh dad n oor Tommy went tae work at the shipyerd, Robb’s, n muh ma went tae her job in the whisky bonds. Oor Florence wis doonstairs at her pal Jenny’s — she played thaire aw the time. This young felly, workin oan the post, came tae the door, wi Christmas cairds n that. Eh wis soakin wet wi the snaw.

Workin oan the post . . a fuckin dagger right in ma chist. Ah look at hur n feel the blood drainin oot ma face.

— Eh wisnae really what ye’d call a looker, but eh hud the maist amazin piercin blue eyes ah’d ever seen, she smiles n then looks aw concerned. Cause she’s watchin me wilt in the chair. She nods slowly at ays, like tae confirm it. — You brought um tae ma hoose once. Eh wis a pal ay yours.

— Jesus fuck. .

— Of course, eh didnae recognise me, it wis that long ago, n he wis in a right mess. Ah didnae say nowt, cause ah wis shocked tae see um in ma hoose, n my Walter wis still thaire. N yis wir only in for a minute, baith ay yis as drunk as lords, wi nae word ay sense fae yir mooths. Aye, eh looked a mess, but ah’d never forget they blue eyes. Ah’d mind ay thaim anywhere, n her bottom lip quivers, like she’s been visited by a fuckin phantom orgasm fae half a century ago!

— Naw. . no Post Alec. No ma auld mate. . naw. .

— Aye, son. Ah realised that you n him wir close mates, n eh wis a total alkie, so ah thoat, just let sleepin dugs lie.

— No fuckin way! Ye let that auld jakey cunt ride ye! A schoolgirl! That fuckin auld. . eh eywis said ma faither — that cunt Henry — wis aulder than him. . cunt. . fuckin auld lyin jakey cunt!

— Dinnae be crude, son, thaire’s nae need! Eh wis jist a young laddie, n eh wis soakin wet. So ah asked um in for a cup ay tea, ay. Tae dry oaf some ay his wet clathes by the fire. Well, we goat talkin, n one thing led tae another. .

— What. . naw. . this is fucked. . this is totally fucked, ah goes, ma phone’s burnin in ma poakit, the photaes ah took ay Alec in the hoose, ehs rid coupon, frozen bluey-purple in thon block ay ice. .

— When eh goat up oot the bed eftir, ah thought eh wis just going tae the toilet. Then ah thought eh’d sneaked oot ay the hoose. So ah goat up masel n ah caught um gaun through some stuff in my ma and dad’s room. I was scared I’d get intae trouble, so I shouted at him tae get oot. Even threw his mailbag oot intae the stair!

— That’s the fuckin pocklin, chorryin auld cunt awright. .

Muh ma’s face seems tae cave intae her neck, like somebody’s jist whipped oot her boatum jaw. — Ye kin imagine how it wis whin ah fell pregnant wi you. Ah kent nearly right way, or at least ah thoat it wis a possibility, she says, now soundin aw strong and defiant, her shoodirs back n spine straight, like the confession’s instantly lifted years oaf her. — It wis ma very first time. Well, ah thoat, ah’d better be gie Henry his rations, so ah did that night. Eh’d probably been tellin everybody eh’d been daein it for long enough, so whin ah telt um ah hud fell pregnant, eh hud nae reason tae suspect. N thaire wis nae need tae throw everybody’s life intae a turmoil. For me, it wid huv meant bringin a bairn up oan ma ain!

— Instead ay two, cause the cunt banged ye up wi oor Yvonne, then shot the fuckin craw!

She looks aw sad. — But at least ah found ma Walter though. That wis mair ay a man thin aw they wasters pit thegither, she says aw wistfully. Then she turns back tae me, she’s gabbin away but ah cannae make it oot cause ma heid’s fuckin swimmin. . that mean’s that Stevie n me. . that Maggie n me. .

— But ah think part ay Henry eywis suspected deep doon thit you wirnae his. He used tae eywis be oan at ye, yir hair n that, which ye git fae ma side anyway. He nivir treated ye like a first-born son.

— This is a fuckin mess! Fuckin liar! ah shouts, risin, n ah storms oot, ignorin her beggin n shoutin oan ays tae come back.

Ah gits in the motor n ah’m drivin around, ma hand shakin oan the wheel, no kennin what the fuck ah’m daein. Eventually, aw ah kin think ay is gaun roond tae see Maggie. Ah need tae be fuckin well sure. So ah gits up tae her place at Ravy Dykes. Ah’m tellin her nowt, jist askin her, — Huv ye goat any ay Alec’s auld stuff? ah asks, thinkin aboot DNA.

— Aye, she goes. — Want tae come in for a wee cup ay tea? She’s back at the uni. .

— Naw, yir awright, ah goes. N ah looks at hur n feels the tears well up in ma eyes, so ah huds her in an embrace. — Look, Maggie, it disnae feel right us daein aw that stuff. Alec wis like. . an uncle tae me as much as you. Lit’s jist be friends.

— Friends is it now? She arches her brow as she pills away. — Aw aye, that’s a good yin.

Jesus Christ, she’s a fuckin blood cousin! Now she’s gaun oan aboot how lonely she is, and how things urnae easy.

— Ah git that, ah tell hur, — but ah need a wee favour. Ye got any pictures ay Alec?

— Funny, but I’ve had some photographs scanned and digitalised. I’ll email you some.

Ah’m delighted wi that, n ah leaves her disappointed, like ah seem tae dae wi every fucker, just in a different wey now. But ah’m gled tae be back in the motor. It’s been no bad a day, but all of a sudden it’s pishin doon, so ah stoaps for these two youngish cunts. They climbs in the back. — Wester Hailes, mate.

They start talkin, aw loud, n it’s startin tae dae ma fuckin nut in. — That yin’s a dirty hoor, takes it fuckin aw weys. Mark rode her –

— The Rohypnol Kid. Calm thum n ram thum!

— Stun thum n bum thum!

Ah’m just aboot tae switch oaf the speakerphone when ma blood runs cauld.

—. . tell ye what but, she’s no as bad as that Donna Lawson, ken her wi the curly mop?

— Course ah ken her, wuv aw been up her!

Fuckin . .

— That’s a total pump, a fuckin cow ay the highest order. She telt that six-a-side team that they hud tae aw go through her twice, cause they wirnae proper fitba team numbers. . ya cunt. .

N ah’m thinkin aboot the time when Vivian held that wee lassie oot tae me, n ah took her in my airms n kissed her wee heid. . the declarations ah made aboot what she wid become, how she’d ey be loved n looked eftir. . the empty fuckin bullshit declarations. .