Dave Eggers - The Wild Things

“Well,” Max said, surprised to be put on the spot. “This one time I went to my friend’s house, and everyone in his family had these huge mouths but no ears. And where they were supposed to have ears they just had more mouths so they couldn’t listen.”

Carol was rapt.

“And when you talked,” Max continued, “they couldn’t even hear you. Even the mom’s boyfriend had three mouths. And all they would do all the time is eat and talk.”

Carol shivered theatrically. “Ugh. Who wants to be in a house like that? We need a place where people don’t have three mouths, where the sun can’t die on you and a mountain can’t just fall on you. I want to make a place where only the things you want to happen happen.”

After a few hours in the studio, Max and Carol felt they should make their way back to the others.

“Your royal subjects await,” Carol said.

Max nodded solemnly. “It is so,” he said.

But on the way down the rocky hillside, Max had an idea, and it seemed an idea that needed to be enacted for the good of the island.

He wanted Carol to lift one of the enormous rocks on the hillside — one of the steps that led to the studio — and throw it off the cliff and into the ocean below.

Carol smiled. “No, really?” he asked.

“Yes,” Max said seriously. “That’s an order.”

“Good enough for me,” Carol said, and squatted before the boulder. With a loud grunt he lifted the rock, his face a mess of contortion and veins. He shuffled a quick few steps over to the edge of the cliff, and then heaved it down. They both watched as it tumbled and ricocheted violently, bouncing off the face of the cliff and disappearing into the sea below. Along the way, it brought about a hundred other rocks with it.

Max turned to Carol, grinning. “Wow, that was a good idea! Let’s do more!”

Max pointed to another boulder, and Carol duly lifted it and tossed it down the side of the cliff. Again it brought a good chunk of the cliffside with it.

“All right, who wants it next?” Max asked, looking at the remaining boulders. He looked at three of them, pointing to each one, eyeing each with great suspicion.

He pointed at one: “You?” The boulder said nothing.

“You?” This next boulder, too, chose to remain silent.

The third boulder, Max thought, was giving him a smartalecky look. “Carol, get ’im,” he commanded.

So Carol lifted this boulder and threw it down the cliff. As it bounced toward the sea, a mini-avalanche roared into the ocean and landed with a long loud hiss.

With all the boulders that had previously led to Carol’s studio now in the sea below, it would make getting there difficult in the future, but Max and Carol weren’t thinking of that right now. Max wasn’t, at least. He was thinking of just how much fear they’d struck in the hearts of the rocks on the hillside, and probably all the rocks on the island.

Max laughed till he snorted. “Man oh man, these rocks are really scared of us!”

Carol smiled. “That they are, King. And they should be. Well done.”

When Max and Carol returned to the site of the beasts’ former homes, Max could now see the result of the previous night’s merrymaking. There was wreckage everywhere. Charred trees and branches. Huge holes in the ground. And every one of their nest-homes was splintered beyond recognition, stamped into the ground.

The other beasts were gathered amid the devastation, some pacing, others with their arms crossed, all of them looking impatient. There was no sign of Katherine.

Ira was chewing on Judith’s arm nervously, and when they all caught sight of Max and Carol descending the hillside to join them, Ira removed his teeth from her limb to speak.

“Where were you? We’ve just been here. Alone.”

The others murmured in a snarling sort of way. Max reached under the remains of the fire and retrieved his crown. He put it on, wincing. It was still hot.

“Without our king,” Judith added, and slapped Ira’s mouth away from her arm. He’d left a row of deep teeth marks.

Now all of the creatures — Judith, Ira, Douglas, the Bull, and Alexander — encircled Max, looking greatly displeased. As they closed in on him, the smell was tremendous. During their rumpusing, the beasts had perspired a large amount, and now they smelled like vinegar and hummus. Max wondered if he should be worried, given that the beasts were closing in on him much the same way they had the previous night. He would have been more worried were Carol not standing behind him. Even so, he knew he needed to explain his absence.

“I had to see my kingdom,” Max said, trying to sound as royal as possible. “To survey it. Carol gave me a tour.”

The wave of their anger seemed to retreat for a moment, then roared back.

“How come we weren’t invited?” Judith asked. “I could have shown you all that. I wouldn’t have enjoyed it, but I would have done it. Probably. If I felt inspired.”

“Judith, stop,” Carol said, putting his hand on her shoulder. “It was my job to give the tour and I gave it.”

“I didn’t want to go on the tour anyway,” Ira said.

“See?” Carol said, “no one missed out on anything. Everything is as it should be.”

There was a grudging chorus of acceptance of this explanation. Judith sat down, put her head on her chin, and looked up to Max.

“So Max,” started Judith. “Or King. What is it, anyway? King Max or what?”

“It’s King, Judith,” Carol answered.

She grinned. “Hmm. King Judith, yeah. I like the sound of that.” This got a chuckle out of Alexander. “So King Max,” Judith continued. “What kind of king are you going to be?”

Carol’s face tightened. “Judith, don’t—”

“I’m just asking him. You got to walk around the island all day, no doubt talking about all of us, who of us was good and who was not as good, and meanwhile we’ve been here suffering.”

Carol rolled his eyes. “Suffering? Really?”

Judith sniffled. “Yeah,” she said, quietly. “Suffering with all the questions. And the doubt.”

“And the void,” Ira added.

“And the void,” Judith repeated. “Almost forgot about the void. Ira’s feeling the void. You know how Ira feels about the void.” Seeing Max’s blank look, she explained: “He doesn’t like the void. Makes him feel hollow. And when he feels hollow, he chews on me, and that annoys me. And when I’m annoyed, I chew on small things made of bones and blood.”

Ira, now chewing on Judith’s arm again, whispered loudly in Judith’s ear: “And the hammers …”

“Right,” Judith said, “remember the hammers, Max? You had this whole story about the hammers, and how there was this king who could make them happy. Well, the hammers are unhappy, Max. What about the hammers? It’s been a whole day and so far nothing’s changed. The hammers are displeased.”

Carol laughed, dismissing her question. “Judith, please. Tell me you’re not happy right now. We’re all happy.” He turned around, finding a single tree still standing against the stark landscape. “Tree, tell me you’re unhappy.” The tree did not answer. Now he turned to a group of rocks, one of which Douglas had been wrestling the previous night. “Rocks, tell me if you feel misunderstood.” The rocks did not respond. Now with arms outstretched, Carol looked to the sky. “Sky, speak up if you feel unloved.” There was no answer. Now he turned back to Judith. “See, everything else in the world is perfectly content.”

Max smiled at Carol’s theatrics, and Carol smiled back. Carol then took Judith’s head into his mouth. Max froze, thinking something violent was about to happen, but instead Carol shook her head affectionately, like a dog playing with a chew toy.