Ivy Compton-Burnett - The Present and the Past

‘His time had not come,’ said Kate. ‘So it is not for us to decide.’

‘He must be a strong man,’ said Bennet.

‘I should hardly say so,’ said Ainger. ‘That is more for the outward eye. It vanishes with understanding. I should say I am the stronger of the two.’

‘Can’t you think of yourself apart from him?’ said Halliday.

‘Well, we are not so often apart.’

‘You talk as if you had no work to do.’

‘He is the main part of it, and becomes more so. He knows it and keeps it in his heart. That is the real reason for Simon’s presence.’

‘You expect to become knit closer?’ said Kate.

‘Or are arranging it,’ said Halliday.

‘Well, nothing stands still in this world,’ said Ainger.

‘It usually seems that everything does,’ said Mrs Frost.

‘How does Simon get on?’ said Bennet, looking at the latter in experienced kindness.

‘He shapes,’ said Ainger. ‘And that is all that is required at the moment.’

‘Until the master absorbs all your energy,’ said Madge.

‘Until then, if you like.’

‘There will be a wound in Mr Clare’s heart that time will not heal,’ said Kate.

‘Time won’t have much chance at his age,’ said Halliday.

‘To leave his grey hairs to go down to the grave!’ said Kate, shaking her head. ‘Was it a son’s part?’

‘A son’s part has been done,’ said Ainger. ‘I stand as a witness to it. Whatever has been left undone, it has not been that.’

‘Does the master love his father better than his wife?’ said Simon.

‘It is not for you to gauge affections,’ said Ainger, ‘or to introduce the family under relationships.’

‘On which side does your sympathy lie, Mr Ainger?’ said Kate.

‘Kate, I will admit it. On the master’s. It may not be the right one or the one favoured by the many, but it is mine. I follow an instinct. It is the guide.’

‘The mistress has done her best.’

‘And wholeheartedly I admit it. No one gives the mistress fuller credit than I. She has striven to her utmost. I am in a position to judge, as in a sense we work together.’

‘And what would you say for the master?’

‘I would say nothing. There is nothing to be said. But the heart does not follow the head’s dictates. My eye goes after him as if he were my child.’

‘He is old enough to be your father,’ said Madge.

‘No, there is not so much between us. A matter of a dozen years. It is more the distance of an elder brother.’

‘That is not your basis,’ said Halliday.

‘It is not,’ said Ainger, smiling. ‘I am rather in the position of the elder myself.’

‘And you are in another position too.’

‘And I hope I fulfil it, Halliday. I should think the less of myself if I did not. And I ask no other. It is a position of trust.’

‘Then we are all in one,’ said Madge.

‘Wholeheartedly I admit it, Madge,’ said Ainger.

‘Perhaps my distance is that of an elder sister,’ said Mrs Frost.

‘Now we will not go through the whole gamut,’ said Ainger.

‘Now that you have dealt with your own part in it.’

‘Well, I think I have a right to, Mrs Frost,’ said Ainger, looking at her frankly. ‘It is one by itself.’

‘What is Simon’s distance?’ said Bennet, smiling.

‘My words may apply in Simon’s case, Miss Bennet,’ said Ainger.

‘The children are fonder of the mistress than the master,’ said Kate.

‘I endorse it, Kate. And it is true of the elder young gentlemen. And the tribute to the mistress speaks. I wish sometimes that their hearts would turn to their father. His is open to them, if they knew. But if they did, he would do something to repel them; he is driven by something within. He is master of everyone in the house but himself.’

‘I am tired of talking about him,’ said Halliday.

‘Then we will drop the subject,’ said Ainger, in a pleasant tone.

‘I will resume it,’ said Mrs Frost. ‘Is he ashamed of what he has done?’

Ainger smiled to himself.

‘Does silence mean consent?’ said Kate.

‘It does not,’ said Ainger. ‘The opposite is implied.’

‘What has he to be proud of?’ said Halliday.

‘I don’t know, Halliday. It does not seem to me that he has anything.’

‘He is not proud of this business?’

‘I would not say he is not. I said he was in some respects a child.’

‘It must have taken courage,’ said Kate.

‘Courage or cowardice?’ said Ainger, lifting his brows. ‘It must be a moot point.’

‘It may be both,’ said Kate.

‘I call it courage,’ said Bennet. ‘I should never dare to do it.’

‘Then of course you call it courage,’ said Mrs Frost; ‘It is only right.’

‘There is something in it,’ said Ainger. ‘To go alone into the dark! I don’t see myself doing it, though I have the courage to face life.’

‘It is strange that we all have it,’ said Kate.

‘I do admire myself,’ said Madge.

‘Well, we know that,’ said Halliday.

‘The round and task,’ said Ainger. ‘There may be more in them than we know.’

‘There is not any more,’ said Mrs Frost. ‘Ah, that is where the courage may lie.’

‘What next?’ said Halliday. ‘You will soon think it needs courage to sit down to your meals.’

‘Well, who shall say?’ said Ainger. ‘I will,’ said Mrs Frost. ‘It needs none.’

‘I do not know,’ said Ainger. ‘Meals may be a crucial point. I am often glad I do not sit down to those in the dining-room. It is enough to be a witness of them.’

‘It may be well to see how matters lie,’ said Kate.

‘Essential is the word, Kate. It helps me to deal with them afterwards. Breakfast is often the key to my day.’

‘And to theirs too, I suppose,’ said Madge.

‘To theirs too, Madge. We need not pursue the point. But I watch the signs with an anxious eye. I often stand behind that table with my heart standing still and my blood running cold.’

‘And does Simon do the same?’ said Bennet.

‘He may speak for himself,’ said Ainger.

‘No,’ said Simon. ‘They usually seem to be polite.’

‘Polite!’ said Ainger. ‘I prefer any other sign. If there is any sort of outlet, the air may clear. I know what my day is going to be, by the time I carry out those trays.’

‘How did you feel when you thought the master might die?’ said Madge.

‘I will express it in a word, Madge. It is a good thing the suspense was short.’

‘I wonder if he is glad or sorry to be well again.’

‘Sorry, if he knows his own mind,’ said Halliday.

‘I should not wish him to do that,’ said Ainger. It would be to wish him not himself. I must try to give him hope.’

‘It is a pity you did not do that before.’

‘I have said that I blame myself.’

‘So you are not to blame any longer,’ said Mrs Frost.

‘People tend to the view,’ said Kate.

‘Then there are exceptions to the rule,’ said Ainger, in a quiet tone.

‘Are the signs of low spirits easy to read?’ said Kate.

‘Signs were wanting,’ said Ainger, in a deeper tone. ‘He contrived not to give them. It is a point I do not miss. It shows the scope of the resolve.’

‘He must be in a shamefaced mood.’

‘No,’ said Ainger, shaking his head with a smile, ‘he is lying on the sofa as if he were suffering from convalescence/And I cannot look at that sofa without a shudder, and the thought of him being carried away from it, white and still. I caught a glimpse of my own face in the glass, and it was the colour of a sheet.’

‘So you remembered to look at yourself as well as at him,’ said Halliday.