Ma Jian - Beijing Coma

‘What? Right here?’ Mabel’s eyes widened in disbelief.

‘All the women who lived in these chambers were killed.’

‘That’s a huge massacre!’ Kenneth no longer had that carefree air of a tourist.

‘What a gruesome history China has.’ Mabel was grimacing too.

‘That’s why we’ve occupied the Square. We want to put an end to millennia of autocratic rule.’ The pitch of Tian Yi’s voice always seemed to rise when she spoke in English.

When we reached the rockery outside the Hall of Mental Cultivation, we asked someone to take a group photograph of us. I then suggested that we leave the Forbidden City from the north exit and take a bus to the Great Wall. Mabel and Kenneth only had three days in Beijing, so I told them they’d have to speed up a little if they were going to see all the sights.

It was already three in the afternoon by the time we made it to the Great Wall’s ticket office. My brother said he’d stay with my mother in the car park. Since Tian Yi and I had been up the Great Wall once before, I was reluctant to go a second time and pay for another expensive entrance ticket. But Tian Yi persuaded me to go up with her. She said she wanted to take some photographs. By the time we’d walked through the entrance gate, the happy newly-weds had already climbed halfway up the mountain. Mabel was trotting beside Kenneth, the camera that hung from her shoulder swinging from side to side.

‘Come on, take out your camera, then,’ I said to Tian Yi.

‘Mabel’s camera is very sophisticated. She has three different lenses in that bag. My one’s got a fixed lens. I’m too embarrassed to bring it out.’

‘But yours was made by China’s first joint-venture camera company,’ I said, trying to reassure her. I gazed at her hair blowing in the wind, and promised that when I had some money, I’d buy her a professional kit.

She hadn’t let me touch her in the two weeks since the hunger strike had ended, so as soon as I squeezed her hand, I could feel myself getting an erection. It became uncomfortable walking up the steep path. I leaned against her and whispered, ‘Do you want to sneak off behind those trees with me?’ Without answering, she shot me a sideways glance then allowed me to lead her away from the path towards the wooded hill to the east.

‘Let’s not go too far,’ she said, her hand sweating in mine. ‘There might be plain-clothes policemen about.’

‘Those guys who caught us in the grounds of the Old Summer Palace weren’t police officers. They were a band of thugs. They paid off the local public security bureau so they could prowl the grounds and exhort fines from couples they found having sex. They were bicycle menders, apparently. I’m sure I saw one of them in the Flying Tigers brigade.’

Tian Yi stood still, her nostrils flaring with rage. ‘Why are there so many corrupt people in this world? How could anyone be so evil?’

‘They aren’t evil, they’re just products of an evil system,’ I said, wrapping my arms around her. ‘Corruption breeds corruption. That’s why I want to go abroad after this movement is over. You will come with me, won’t you? Kenneth said he’d be happy to be your financial guarantor as well, and give you all the documents you need.’ I glanced up at the top of the mountain ridge and saw streams of heads moving behind the crenellated ramparts of the Great Wall.

We continued walking hand in hand towards the wooded hill. Soon the Great Wall faded from view and we found ourselves in a sunny glade.

‘What a wonderful view!’ Tian Yi said, pulling her camera out from her bag. ‘Look at those blue layers of mountains unfolding into the distance.’

‘The ridges at the horizon are even paler than the sky.’ I stood behind her and put my arms around her waist. She lowered her head. I kissed her neck and her chin. She closed her eyes and opened her mouth.

‘Be careful…’ she whispered, trying to push my hand away, but I moved it down into her knickers and touched the dampness between her legs. Her knees buckled a little, allowing my fingers to move inside her. I glanced around. There was no one about. All I could hear was the wind in the trees and a few car horns beeping at the foot of the mountain. I held her closer to me, lowered her onto the ground, then entered her from behind. After six or seven thrusts I ejaculated. Her hand and cheek were still pressed against the tree trunk. I looked down at her pale buttocks and immediately wanted to make love to her again. I thought how wonderful it was to have a woman by my side.

But when I drew her close to me again, she shouted, ‘Get your hands off me,’ then pulled up her trousers and walked away.

I lay on my back and stared into the blue sky, struck by the feeling of emptiness that always follows physical bliss.

She came back, kneeled down beside me and stared into my eyes. ‘I’m in the middle of my cycle now. What would we do if I got pregnant?’

‘We’d get married, of course. It would be fun to have a child of our own, don’t you think? You and me combined in one person.’

‘I thought you said you were going to leave the country.’

‘Well, if you decided not to come with me, I’d marry you before I left. Anyway, I’m not even sure I’m going. I’m not a deserter like Shu Tong.’

‘What do you mean?’

I hadn’t wanted to tell her, but it had slipped out. ‘He flew off to America this morning.’

‘What? I don’t believe it. He wouldn’t desert us at a time like this!’ The serious expression she always wore in the Square suddenly returned to her face.

‘Would I lie to you about such a thing?’ I glanced at my watch. We’d been away for almost an hour. I took her hand and said, ‘Let’s go back. They’ve probably returned to the car park by now.’ There was a small piece of bark stuck to her palm.

‘I don’t believe Shu Tong has left. How could you lie to me? You’re horrible.’ She pulled her hand away and strode out ahead.

I stared at her back as I followed behind her. It’s always difficult speaking to a woman after you’ve just pulled your shrivelled penis from her body.

‘Have you gone home to see your father lately?’ I said, searching for something to say.

‘Shut up!’ she snapped, staring at the ground as she marched on.

Fragments of your past drift through your lymph fluid like scraps of an exploded firecracker.

My mother hasn’t come back yet. She’s probably gone to the market to return some unwanted goods.

There are lots of people walking down the street outside. Their footsteps shake the walls so much that the light bulb above me flickers. Children whose voices I don’t recognise shout out to each other in the stairwell. Although there have been rumours that the buildings along this side of the street are going to be demolished soon, shops and restaurants are still springing up every day. Many migrant workers who’ve found jobs in them have moved into the compound with their families. My mother is always reading out notes that are stuffed under our door by workers looking for rooms or flats to rent.

I wait for Wen Niao’s footsteps. Last time she came, she wore a pair of soft, rubber-soled shoes, so I only heard her footsteps when she reached the second-floor landing. She brought a smell of snow into the flat that day. I smelt it on the woollen scarf she dropped on my shoulder. When I inhaled, I also caught the urban smell of residential compounds and bustling crowds. The outside world seemed so close at hand that for a second I experienced a glimmer of the joy one feels when one walks down a busy street.

My mother has run out of money. She’s planning to sell one of my kidneys to pay for the medication I need. For some reason, my brother has stopped sending her cash every month.