Rabih Alameddine - The Hakawati

“You don’t have to tell me, my dear,” I said. “He’s my father, not yours.”

Fatima left the green city in a small caravan with a retinue of five of the emir’s bravest soldiers and Jawad, one of the stable boys. She understood the need for Jawad — the horses and camels had to be looked after — but she wondered whether the soldiers would be of any use.

“Do you not think we need protection?” Jawad asked as they started their journey.

“I do not,” she said. “I can deal with a few brigands, and if we are attacked by a large band, five men will be of no use anyway. On the contrary, their presence may be a magnet for that large group of bandits.” She felt the emir’s fifty gold dinars that she had hidden in her bosom. “If it were just you and me, we would invite much less attention. Well, nothing we can do now. We are in the hand of God.”

On the fourth evening, in the middle of the Sinai Desert, before the sun had completely set, the party was attacked just as Fatima had predicted. Twenty Bedouins dispatched the city soldiers. Finding little of value among the belongings, the captors decided to divide the spoils evenly: ten would have Fatima, and ten would get to use Jawad.

Fatima laughed. “Are you men or boys?” She stepped forward, leaving a visibly nervous Jawad behind. “You have a chance to receive pleasure from me and you choose this stripling?”

“Be quiet, woman,” said the leader. “We must divide you evenly. We cannot risk a fight over the booty. Be thankful. You would not be able to deal with more than ten of us.”

Fatima laughed and turned back to Jawad. “These desert rats have not heard of me.” She took off her headdress; her abundant black hair tumbled around her face. “These children of the barren lands have not sung my tales.” She unhooked the chain of gold coins encircling her forehead. “They believe that twenty infants would be too much for me.” She took off her abayeh, showing her seductress’s figure, stood before the Bedouins in her dress of blue silk and gold. “Behold,” she said. “I am Fatima, charmer of men, bewitcher of the heavens. Look how the moon calls his clouds; see how he crawls behind his curtains; watch him hide in shame, for he refuses to reveal himself when I show my face. You think you peons will be too much for me, Fatima?” She raised her hands to the vanishing moon. “Think whether twenty of you would satisfy me, Fatima, tamer of Afreet-Jehanam.” She glared at the men. “Tremble.”

“Afreet-Jehanam?” the leader cried. “You conquered the mighty jinni?”

“Afreet-Jehanam is my lover. He is no more than my plaything. He does my bidding.”

“I want her. I refuse to have the boy. We have to redivide the spoils. This will not do.”

“No,” the leader said. “We cannot have everyone get what they want. That is not the Arab way. It has already been decided.”

“I want the woman as well,” cried another man. “You cannot keep her to yourself and give us this waif of a boy.” An argument ensued. Everyone wanted Fatima, except for one man, Khayal, who kept insisting, “I really want the boy,” to anyone who would listen. But no one listened. The nine men who were given Jawad but wanted Fatima grew livid. Rules or no rules, they had been cheated. They had no idea Fatima was so talented. They had been deceived and wanted their appropriate share. The goods, as any idiot could see, had not been divided equally. Battle lines were drawn, swords unsheathed. Quickly, the ten killed the nine.

“I think the boy is winsome,” said Khayal.

Twenty lustful eyes stared at Fatima.

“Now, now, boys,” she said coyly. “Was that really necessary?”

“It is time, Sitt Fatima,” the leader said. “We are ready.”

“Well, I am not. I must choose who goes first. The first lover is very important. He will help me set the stage for what is to come. Should I go with the one who has the biggest penis? I like that, but sometimes he who has the biggest is the worst lover, and that will force me to work harder. This should be amusement, not labor. Which of you has the smallest penis? A man with a small member would be more eager to please me, but then, as hard as it is, it is not as satisfying. Choosing the first lover should not be taken lightly. I have much to consider.”

The leader huffed and puffed. “There is nothing to consider. I go first. I am the best lover, and the rest can take turns after I am sated.”

“You are not the best lover,” another brigand said. “If you were, your wife would not be leaving her house in the middle of the night.” Those were the last words that man uttered. The leader unsheathed his sword once more and cut off that man’s head.

“You should not have killed him,” another cried. “It is not right that you go first. We should let Sitt Fatima decide. She is the expert, not you. She should decide on the order. Since I have the biggest penis, I believe I should go first.”

“You do not have the biggest,” argued another. “I do.” He lifted his desert robe. “Look here, Sitt Fatima. I have the biggest, and I promise you I am not a bad lover. You must pick me.”

“Put that tiny thing away,” the leader said. “I am the leader, and I go first.”

“It is thickness that matters, not length.”

“I still want the boy. I just want the boy.”

“Your member is no bigger than a thimble.”

“You take that back. Admit that mine is bigger than yours or prepare to die.”

And the men fought till death. The leader was left standing — the leader and the boy-lover, who had remained out of the fray. “The best of all men awaits you, your ladyship.” The leader puffed up like a pigeon. “Let us begin.”

“Let us,” she said. “Undress and show me my prize.”

“Come to me,” he said once he was nude. “Look. I really have the biggest one.”

“No,” Fatima said. “Mine is bigger.” From under her dress, she took out her knife and cut his penis off and slit his throat.

“Pack everything back into the caravan,” Fatima told Jawad. “We have some way to go before we settle for the night. Gather these dead men’s horses. I will go through their things. We will leave this arid wilderness richer than we arrived.”

“But what shall we do with this man?” Jawad gestured toward his admirer.

“By your leave, I would like to invite the boy into my tent,” Khayal said.

“The boy is neither captured nor a slave,” Fatima said. “Since he has free will, you must convince him, charm him into your tent. We have seven nights before we reach my home city, Alexandria. You have seven nights to seduce him. You may begin tomorrow.”

And Fatima looked up at the sky and its stars and thanked the moon for his help.

And Fatima, Jawad, and Khayal led their numerous horses, camels, and mules into the night.

“Ah, the smell of salt and sand,” Fatima told her companions. “There is no elixir on this blessed earth like it.”

During the day’s march, our three travelers reached the blue-tongued shores of the Mediterranean. That night, they camped on the beach. Much to Khayal’s disappointment, Jawad unfurled his own tent after watering, feeding, and brushing the pack animals. After a dinner of bread, dried meat, and dates, Fatima poured herself a cup of wine. “Shall we begin?”

“Begin?” Khayal wondered. “You mean my seduction? Am I supposed to perform publicly? I would prefer to talk to Jawad in private.” He bent his head. “I am, in large measure, a discreet man.” He lifted his head and looked at Jawad, sitting next to Fatima. “You would appreciate a discreet man, I am sure.”