Carlos Gamerro - The Adventure of the Busts of Eva Perón

‘Of course he’s dead! He was killed in cold blood because you weren’t capable of getting together a few shitty little busts! What good are you? And what’ll happen to the company now? Are they going to close? Will you get the sack for being a waste of space? All we need now is for you to lose your job. So I’m telling you, Ernesto Marroné, if you’re thinking of playing the race card to worm out of your family obligations you’ve got another thing coming. You’ll pay alimony and maintenance on the dot or I’ll have you thrown in jail.’

All of this Marroné listened to in such silence and with such patience that he appeared not to be a man of flesh and bone but a statue of stone. With stones such as these was the path of the executive-errant strewn. On wicked ears fall deaf words, as the saying goes; those blinded by their bourgeois consciousness would never understand, just like sparrows when the condor squawks. In short, honey is not made for the ass’s mouth.

‘Are you listening to anything I’m saying, Ernesto Marroné? Haven’t you anything to say for yourself?’

‘I need a minute to… er… you know.’

‘Now? Do you take me for a complete idiot? Are you having me on?’

‘Señora, the baby’s crying,’ the voice of Doña Ema intervened angelically from the floor above them, whither she’d departed minutes earlier.

‘You haven’t heard the last of this, Ernesto Marroné; this is just the beginning,’ threatened Mabel as he climbed the stairs, holding the boy by the hand.

This was his window of opportunity. Making a whistle-stop raid on his shelves, he grabbed his copy of Don Quixote: The Executive-Errant , whose spine jutted out a little further than the rest, dived into the downstairs guest toilette and bolted the door. They’d have to send in the tanks if they wanted to get him out now; his empire may not have been vast, but it was at least his, and in it he was the lord and master of himself; with that and a stimulating book in his hands, he thought, as he adjusted his buttocks in the familiar hollows, he wanted for nothing more, and with a deep sigh his whole body relaxed into the seat. He looked forward to a short transaction, followed by some reading to crown the satisfaction of the successful mission, but, after a couple of tries, he realised it wasn’t going to be as easy as he’d thought. Perhaps his body needed some time to absorb the news that the finger that had tormented him for so long (in the company of its nine fellows) was gone for ever. He was in no hurry, in any case; not now that he was finally home. He opened the book at a random page and it turned out to be exactly the one he was looking for. ‘Things are getting better already, see?’ he said to his imaginary audience before starting to read:

End of Part One

It is not all roses in the life of the executive-errant, explains Sancho to his wife in the tender speeches they exchange once he is at home again; it is very true that most adventures do not turn out to a man’s satisfaction so much as he would desire, for, of every hundred encountered, ninety-nine are likely to be troublesome and untoward. So our Don Quixote has been returned to his village against his will, locked away like a lion or a bear in the cramped confines of a cage, not able even to relieve himself. It would all seem to suggest that the evil enchanters, who delight in thwarting his triumphs and in stirring up bad blood between him and his jealous Dulcinea, Lady of the Market, have been victorious yet again, delivering him defenceless into the hands of mediocre men who are envious of his fame and genius; and it is true that both he and his faithful squire have yet to see their hopes fulfilled: the long-awaited vice presidency continues to elude Sancho (though his sack runs over with jingling gold coins), while Don Quixote is still far from his CEO’s throne, and the tangible and abiding love of Dulcinea, Lady of the Market. But it is not for nothing that our hero has travelled the ways of business, breaking down obstacles to free enterprise, tilting at challenges from the competition and confronting market giants, removing bureaucratic hurdles and, above all, applying creative solutions to our ever-changing reality. No, the ingenious Don Quixote shall not sit quietly by; yes, the executive-errant shall wander on. Just like the modern manager returning from a business trip in his plane, Don Quixote in his cage looks into his accounts: the results may not have been what he expected, but no matter. For he has tested his strength and discovered he can be the man he has dreamt of being; he has realised another life is possible; and, above all, he has tasted the forbidden fruit of adventure. And as he returns to hearth and home to recoup his strength in the warmth of his family’s bosom, he looks forward to the time when he will make a second sally and depart in search of adventures new.*

* To be continued in: A Yuppie in Che Guevara’s Column.

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Current & Upcoming Books

01

Juan Pablo Villalobos, Down the Rabbit Hole

translated from the Spanish by Rosalind Harvey

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02

Clemens Meyer, All the Lights

translated from the German by Katy Derbyshire

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03

Deborah Levy, Swimming Home

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04

Iosi Havilio, Open Door

translated from the Spanish by Beth Fowler

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05

Oleg Zaionchkovsky, Happiness is Possible

translated from the Russian by Andrew Bromfield

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06

Carlos Gamerro, The Islands

translated from the Spanish by Ian Barnett

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07

Christoph Simon, Zbinden’s Progress

translated from the German by Donal McLaughlin

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08

Helen DeWitt, Lightning Rods

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09