Lawrence Block: Dolly's Trash & Treasures

“Mrs. Saugerties?”

A nod.

“That would be Dorothy Saugerties? And did I pronounce that correctly? Like the Hudson River town?”

Another nod.

“Well, Mrs. Saugerties, I’m Baird Lewis, and this is my colleague, Rita Raschman. We’re with Child Protective Services.”

No response.

“One of your neighbors called to express concern over the living conditions here, and how they might impact upon your children.”

“Haven’t got any.”

“I beg your pardon? According to our records, you have four children, three girls and a boy, and—”

“Haven’t got neighbors. This here’s mine, from the road back to the creek. Then there’s state land on that side. Nearest neighbors would be a quarter mile from here.”

“Well, one of them—”

“Might be more like a half mile. If it matters.”

“Baird, may I? Mrs. Saugerties, you do have four children, don’t you?”

“Did.”

“They’re not living here now?”

“Not anymore. Tricia, Calder, Maxine, and Little Debby. Moved away and left me here.”

“When was this, Mrs. Saugerties?”

“Hard for me to keep track of time.”

“I see.”

“He moved out, see, and—”

“That would be your son, Calder?”

“My husband. It got so he couldn’t take it, you know, so he moved out.”

“Does he live nearby?”

“Don’t know where he took himself off to. But he left, and then the children.”

“They just left?”

“Here one day and gone the next.”

“But how could—”

“Rita, if I may? Mrs. Saugerties, let me make sure I have the names right. Patricia, Calder, Maxine, and Deborah, is that right?”

“Tricia.”

“That’s her actual name? Good, Tricia.”

“And not Deborah. Little Debby.”

“Debby.”

“ Little Debby. Like the cakes.”

“Like—?”

“The cakes.”

“It’s a brand of cupcake, Baird. You can find them next to the Twinkies.”

“My life is ever the richer for knowing that, Rita. They just left, Mrs. Saugerties?”

“Might be they went with their father.”

“I was wondering if that might be a possibility.”

“Because, see, they just hated it here, same as he did. On account of there’s no room in the house anymore. On account of my stuff.”

“Your stuff. I can’t help noticing there’s a pile of trash on either side of the porch glider. Is that the sort of stuff you mean?”

“Ain’t trash. ‘Smy stuff.”

“I see.”

“I like to have things, and then I like to keep ‘em. Other people, they don’t care for it.”

“Like your husband.”

“And the children. Their rooms filled up, along with everything else, and there was no place for them to play. But you know, there’s the whole yard. It’s our property clear back to the creek.”

“Yes. Do you suppose I could use your bathroom, Mrs. Saugerties?”

“Don’t work.”

“I see. Well, let me just go in and get myself a glass of water.”

“That don’t work either. Oh, I guess he didn’t hear me. He wasn’t really supposed to go into the house.”

“I’m sure Baird won’t disturb anything, Mrs. Saugerties.”

“It’s just such a mess, you know. No room for a body to get around. And the animals mess in the house. I don’t know why I can’t keep up with their messes.”

“Animals?”

“Well, dogs and cats.”

“How many do you have?”

“I don’t know. There’s different ones, and they come and they go.”

“Like the children.”

“Except all they did was go. I wish they’d come back, but I don’t think they will.”

“Well—”

“And there was a raccoon. Besides the dogs and cats, I mean. But I ain’t seen him in I don’t know how long. They don’t belong in a house anyhow, you know. Raccoons, I mean. They’ll make a godawful mess.”

“I’m sure that’s true. Baird, are you all right?”

“Yes, of course.”

“You look like you saw a raccoon.”

“I look like what?”

“I just said—”

“Never mind. I have never seen the like.”

“I can imagine.”

“No, Rita, I don’t think you can. How anyone can live like this is quite beyond me. No children, so we can wash our hands of it, and I’ll tell you, right now mine could use washing. We’ll refer it, of course. And I don’t envy the poor bastards at APS who draw this one. Mrs. Saugerties? I think we’ll be going now. Uh, some other people may be in touch. They’ll be able to give you a good deal of assistance.”

Help? Don’t want help.

Got all I need, right here where I am. Got my stuff right where I can put my hands on it. A whole house full of my things, and the cellar and attic, too.

Oh, I know this is no way to live. I’m not crazy. I’m not stupid, either. I don’t talk much. Better if you don’t. What’s it they say? A fish’d never get hisself caught if he just kept his mouth shut.

That’s unless they come with a net.

“Mrs. Saugerties? How do you do, ma’am? My name is Thelma Weider and this is my associate, John Ruddy. And may I call you Dorothy?”

“I guess.”

“Dorothy, John and I are with Adult Protective Services of Lantenango County, and we’re here to provide you with some assistance, and—”

“Don’t need it.”

“Well, I believe you’ll find—”

“Who’re them two?”

“The tall gentleman is Mark, and his partner is Clayton. They’re with the Sheriff’s Office, and they’ve come along on the chance that they might be needed, but I’m sure we’ll be able to work this out without bringing them into it. Now before we go inside—”

“Not going inside.”

“Ah. Dorothy, I believe I see bedding and a pillow on the porch glider. Is that where you’ve been sleeping?”

“Nice sleeping in the fresh air.”

“I’m sure it was comfortable this summer, but it’s autumn now, isn’t it? The trees are starting to drop their leaves. The nights are getting cold.”

“Ain’t too bad.”

“And winter’s coming, and then it will be really cold.”

“Got lots of blankets.”

“But you’ve got a big house. What do you have, four or five bedrooms?”

“About.”

“And you’re all by yourself here.”

“With my stuff.”

“Yes, I’ve heard about your stuff. Rooms filled almost to the ceiling, isn’t that what Baird and Rita told us?”

“What Thelma’s getting at, Dorothy, is that we could help you be a lot more comfortable.”

“Dolly.”

“I’m sorry, do you want a doll? I don’t—”

“What to call me. Dolly. Not Dorothy, nobody calls me Dorothy.”

“Ah, I see. Dolly, why don’t we go inside and have a look around your house? Maybe you can point out some of your most treasured things for us.”

“No.”

“I’m afraid we have a warrant, Dolly, that empowers us to enter and search the premises, and Mark and Clayton are here to guarantee your compliance. So I’m going in. Would you like to come with me, or would you prefer to stay out here with Thelma?”

It’s embarrassing, having people go through your house and look at your things. Knowing they’re judging you, feeling the thoughts they’re thinking as sure as if they were saying them out loud.

What a pig, what a slob, how could a woman let herself go this way, how could she let her house get away from her like this? Blah blah blah. All this junk, all this rubbish, why would anyone want to live with these broken dolls and old newspapers? And look at the plates, the food still encrusted on them, rotting there. Blah blah blah. And the smell, who could stay in a house with such a smell in every room? Blah blah blah.