Ann Beattie - Distortions

His sister calls, saying that she and Paula want his junk out of their house. He drives over that afternoon, taking a big laundry basket with him. He loads his clothing into it, and his book.

“I don’t know why you decided that of all the women in the world you had to take that poor broken-down maid,” Paula says.

“We love each other,” he says.

“You don’t. You never used to speak. Paula and I were afraid she was going to quit because there were bad feelings,” Mary says.

“Then you should be happy now.”

“I’m not happy. Are you doing this as a joke?”

“I’m in love with her.”

“Are you going to marry her?”

“She doesn’t want to get married. Her family is all fucked up. She has a lot of sisters who are getting divorced or just sitting around suffering. I don’t know.”

“She’s piggy,” Paula tells him.

“I know. But I love her.”

“That’s nice,” Paula says.

“It’s not nice. It’s a sick joke,” Mary says.

“We’re going to take a trip to the Grand Canyon,” Hale tells them.

That afternoon he decides that Lucky’s time is up. He puts Lucky in the car. Trapped, Lucky raises his paws to the window and looks out. The cat looks out the window until it gets where it’s going: the same farm where its friends disappeared, only Lucky has the extra good luck to be discharged in front of two children, who stare at Hale’s car as if they expect something. You should, little ones, he thinks, for I have brought you another kitty. Lucky is dropped out the window. The children stare. They will no doubt tell the story to their parents, exactly as it happened, and if their parents do not let them keep Lucky they will think their parents are cruel and they will hate them. The parents know that! Lucky Lucky.

*

Because of all the horrible things that have been happening, Gloria hasn’t spoken about the trip yet. That night, as he rocks her in his arms, he says that she must rest from this ordeal. They will go West, forget. Just the two of them. He puts his head on her big shoulder, lets it sink to her breast. A crackling noise; money in her brassiere. Yes, she says. She supposes.

*

On the second day of the trip, Gloria is in good spirits. They stop for lunch, and after lunch they sing. They were taught a lot of the same songs when they were children. He can’t talk to her about politics because she knows so little and he gets bored trying to fill her in, and she doesn’t like the music he likes on the radio, so usually they just hold hands or sing. He doesn’t even let go of her hand to shift gears. He smiles at her often, marveling at those tiny feet, crossed so demurely, and at her large body. It’s good she has money and a car in good condition, because they have to stop often for food — she’s always hungry — and he couldn’t afford the highway prices, and his car never would have made it.

They stop at a motel with a pool, and she is as excited as a child. She hurries to get undressed and races out of the room while he’s still putting on his bathing trunks, and when he walks across the parking lot to the pool he sees Gloria at the top of the blue ladder, her hips spread over the sides; he is in time to see her splash into the pool. He takes a picture of her with his Instamatic as she surfaces, her thick hair untamed by the water.

They sit on chairs by the pool, sipping Coke from a can. The water dries on the tops of her huge breasts and is replaced by sweat. She drinks two Cokes and he drinks one. It is her idea to ask the owner of the motel the name of a good restaurant, and she goes to the desk while he’s showering. He sings in the shower. A delicious dinner! The Grand Canyon! Tum-de-dum, he sings, a little tune he learned from her. He steps out of the shower, wraps a towel around himself, and hears faintly, above the air conditioning, crying.

Gloria is crying. She has her arms crossed in front of her, protecting herself, sitting in front of the air conditioner and crying. Hale rushes to her, and she puts her head on his shoulder — he is freezing in front of the damn air conditioner — and speaks a single word: “Cat.” She has decided that the man she just talked to was one of her cats, reincarnated. She says this because he looked so much like Mister Tom. Really he did; he had Mister Tom’s eyes. The way Mister Tom had one weak eye that went out of focus … and the man said, after he told her about restaurants, that she looked familiar. Hale said that people who ran places like motels were always thinking they saw familiar faces just because they saw so many people, that of course it was not Mister Tom. She told him to go talk to the man, to watch his eyes grow weak, drift away. But that’s not uncommon! She won’t accept it; the motel owner is Mister Tom, her own Mister Tom, and fate has guided them to this particular motel. She weeps.

“What if it is your cat? Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know. I want to know if Mister Tom is happy.”

“He’s happy. He’s got a nice business, this is a good location. He’s doing fine.”

“You don’t believe in reincarnation,” she wails. “You talk to me like I’m a child, instead of the woman you love. You don’t love me. Why did you bring me on this trip?”

He does love her, he reassures her, and sings, “It Had To Be You.”

“But now I’m so sad,” she tells him. “I saw Mister Tom again, and I want him to be with me.”

Gloria makes no sense. He tells her that the motel owner is blissfully happy. He points out that the motel owner is making a lot of money and that he can sit in the sunshine by his pool in the day if he wants. She dries her eyes, wanting to believe him.

*

Gloria has a nightmare and wakes up Hale with her screaming. She saw Blue Boy, and he told her something evil was happening in the world. Under the covers, she shudders. Hale tells her that the air conditioning is blowing right on them and gets out of bed to adjust the flow of air. His legs are shaking.

*

In North Platte, Nebraska, Hale gets a little drunk with Gloria in a bar. She can drink more than he can, because she’s fatter, probably. He tells her about the people who made fun of his name in school, about all the boys who wanted to fight him because of his name, and how he always lost. He is morose. He becomes more morose when she tells him that she agrees with Blue Boy that the world is an evil place. He asks her what she means, exactly, and she can’t say. She just senses something.

*

A panhandler comes up to them at a diner in Fort Defiance, New Mexico. Hale says he has no money. Gloria gives him a dollar. “It was Prince,” she tells Hale, “but I must be brave.”

“It wasn’t Prince,” he says angrily. “It was a Goddamn old bum.”

“I know it was Prince,” she shrieks.

“Okay, okay.” He thinks she might really flip out.

*

Hale thinks about getting away from her, so he won’t have to be responsible for committing her when she flips out. He thinks about ditching her somewhere, but it’s her car, and she might get the police on him. He thinks about calling his parents collect and having them send him enough money to get a plane home. But what is he supposed to do — wait around Fort Defiance, New Mexico? Arizona is only a day away. If she would just be quiet and not fantasize all the time, he could even feel exalted about seeing the Grand Canyon. She has a faraway look on her face that she isn’t willing to talk about When she’s not crying for no reason she’s talking about all the cats and kittens she had not long ago, as though important people were dead. She’s having trouble holding herself together. There are no more songs. She listens to the radio — he guesses she’s listening — and to the songs he likes, because he doesn’t care if he pleases her or not any more.