Jacob Rubin - The Poser

Apache had pulled his chair back but hadn’t yet sat. “Anyone?”

“At all!” said Max. “We take volunteers from the audience. One at a time, we bring them up and— boom —Giovanni imitates them. On the spot.”

“Have him do me.”

“Then we — I’m sorry?”

“Now, please.”

“You? Why, yes, I–I mean, you’re sure?”

Apache smiled, though his eyes, throughout the smile, exhibited a hardness, a bedrock of meanness I had not yet seen. “You just asked my least favorite question.”

“Sure, sure.” Max clapped his hands. “Well, then. Without further ado, I present to you”—he retreated with small steps, like a backup dancer—“Master Impressionist Giovanni Bernini…”

I decided to use the moment he heard Max’s name and pull from there. The way he smiled, fakely, and laid down his cards (mine pantomimed) like an actor slowing down routine gestures for maximal effect. “Maximilian!” I hugged Max and patted him, held him at arm’s length. I raised an imagined cigarette and sucked it through the wall of my hand, all with his physical looseness. I said, “You just asked my least favorite question,” adding, “ You are my least favorite question,” and when I did, a strange light finger pricked right between my shoulder blades, a calm easing down my back, and his thread emerged, yes, there it was — and pulling it, I saw, clearly, that this figure named Bernard was but a handsome shell, a kind of emissary or stand-in for the soul peering in through those eyes, a presence otherwise absent from the room as I was now absent from it. And I was free to look through my eyes without fear of being looked at, for my body, light and airy, was not mine at all.

A knock somewhere. Several. It was Max, I realized, patting me on the back. “Good job!” Each pat seemed to cement me, as if Max were a sculptor rounding out my shoulders.

“Very nice,” a voice said. Apache’s. He smiled fully, and looking into his eyes, I could still see it: He was not there . “Bravo.”

“You liked it? You liked it!” Max was still chewing his nails. “Of course you did!”

Bernard pulled on his cig, winced. The promised stage behind him. Perhaps the tingle hadn’t worn off yet, for I had a strange premonition. That if I were to stand on that stage, I would become not more visible but less, that I would disappear.

“I’ve got a slot open on the second at ten,” he said. “You’ll receive seven percent of admissions. Depending on how that goes, we’ll discuss further engagements.”

If there were such a thing as a jubilant heart attack, Max suffered one at that moment. “You won’t be disappointed, Bernard.”

“I suspect not,” Apache said and was sliding into his chair when a voice shot down from the balcony.

“What next, Bernard? The monkeys in top hats and the women sawed in half?”

Maximilian and I both looked up to the balcony where a woman leaned so far over the banister it seemed she might fall off. She wore a sleeveless, kelly green dress. “Hello, Maaax.”

“Lucy.” Max bowed theatrically.

“You don’t approve?” Bernard asked.

“Nope,” she said.

“Why not?”

“Do I ever?”

“Some of the time, yes, you do.”

“Maaaybe.” She gave me a look, cocking her head at an angle. In any other circumstance I would’ve melted under such female attention, but the scrapings of Bernard still covered me — or unfleshed me — so I withstood her gaze, even, I think, returned it. “Well, I’ll leave you to the boooores of business.” With that, she pushed off the banister. The green of her dress, as if worn by a ghost, floated past a bend in the balcony, and away.

On the street later, Maximilian walked ahead, talking to himself. Me, though, I had a headache. A hangover. That could happen after good ones. “He’s the first,” I heard Max say as he passed a warehouse with broken windows. “The first one who liked it.”

I discovered it one morning while Max slept. Under the sway of some dream, I woke with a specific desire: to imitate that woman Lucy, the one on the balcony, and so tiptoed into the bathroom where I whispered, “Maaaax,” the way she had, and “Noooo,” and “Do I ever?” Several times I tried, but each pushed her further away, like a tin my own steps knocked out of reach. I tried the vowel-indulging voice, the headlong posture. But none of the usual feeling, a kind of internal warmth, came to me. “Maaax.” My tongue heavy. “Maaaax.” I sounded like a sheep.

“What?”

I turned, and there he stood in his sleeveless undershirt.

“Just warming up.”

So went the cycle the two weeks leading up to our debut: trying to imitate that woman and failing. When Maximilian showered, I tried her bugling voice. When he used the bathroom at the New Parthenon, I sat in the vinyl booth, bouncing my neck side to side like a swimmer. Wherever and whenever we walked, I tried her gait: that pushing forward, that volunteering of the face before the rest of the body. None of it right. Needless to say, such a blind spot, a limit, had never presented itself before. What’s worse, the further I got from her thread, the more individual elements, those units of her person (the tone of her voice, the angle of her head), abandoned me, stranding me with my failed attempts, like a bad mechanic scattered among car parts.

These shortcomings, needless to say, did little to reassure me in the run-up to our debut. In those two weeks I had to mimic homeless men, bus drivers, the ticket taker at the Stone-Wild Museum to reestablish that I still was, despite this recent trouble, Giovanni Bernini, Master Impressionist. This too, though, was about to change.

“Master Impressionist — it’s, well, weak ,” Max mused over his pretzel. We had taken to a bench at the edge of Darling Park, two blocks south of the Stone-Wild Museum. “Master Impressionist — it’s weak, lame, flaccid. …”

Max had been moony since our meeting with Bernard. Hypotheticals danced through his mind day and night, hopeful (visions of packed houses, thick wads of money, hearty handshakes) when his stomach complied, doomed (nightmares of faulty lighting, poor sound, no volunteers) when it roared.

No volunteers. Before his snack that afternoon, Max had been worrying about that: “We can always plant someone. Have one of Bernard’s goons do it, just to get the ball rolling — but no, Apache wouldn’t approve . He likes independence — ah! But that’s the whole problem, boy, the flaw of the act. It isn’t, will never be, self-sufficient ,” he said as we clambered down the museum’s steps. The ruminations would’ve worsened considerably, I knew, if I hadn’t steered him to the street vendor where Max promptly devoured two large hot dogs, chili fries, and a tremendous salted pretzel.

We sat under the shade of two oaks. Not ten feet away, a caricaturist with long gray hair and a knock-off earring drew the portrait of a French girl. She sat on the stool, hands in her lap, trying not to giggle while her mother stood sentry behind the artist, eyeing his paper severely.

“Master Impressionist,” Max said. “Horrible.”

I might’ve been pumping my knee, I might’ve been chewing my nail and not even known it — that’s how bad it was. Lucy so crowded my mind I forgot about my heels, myself.

Because of her, the museums had been torture. Max’s idea. “For inspiration, boy, and to show you the sights, we’ll museum-hop.” We’d been at it the past four days: the Natural Life Museum, the Shaustenhausen, the Stone-Wild.

Even had I been spared the specter of Lucy, those visits would have grated. Art, for an impressionist, is a tease. Those objects beckon, call to you, and it’s not that you can’t mimic them — you can, but even as you are, it doesn’t feel like it, the thread of the figure always withheld. As we toured the marbled halls of the Stone-Wild, I wondered if this could be the case with Lucy. Perhaps I was getting her after all but couldn’t, for whatever reason, recognize that I was. But why would that be? I tried to replicate every object we passed, to verify that I still had my chops, knowing full well that doubling the lobotomized expression of the Madonna would do nothing for me.