Alaa al-Aswany - The Automobile Club of Egypt

Whatever the underlying reason, the result was the same. The king had become a debauched bon vivant, and his entourage reflected this. Most of his respectable friends withdrew, and he was surrounded by a group of pashas who were willing to do whatever he wanted, no matter how dishonorable. They were prepared to lose to him at poker, only to claw back double the amount through privileges granted by His Majesty. They were swimming in money. And as for the king’s sexual conquests, they were generally linked to one name: Carlo Botticelli. An Italian in his midfifties, he was born in Shubra, and studied mechanics at the Don Bosco Institute before getting a job as an automobile mechanic at Abdin Palace. As part of the job, Botticelli always drove behind the royal fleet in case one of the cars should break down. He met the king by chance when the royal Buick overheated on the way to a hunting trip in Fayoum. This chance meeting was the turning point in the young king’s life. No one knew what transpired between them, but this simple mechanic within just a few weeks became one of His Majesty’s closest intimates and within a few short years owned huge amounts of land and commercial assets. He was then elevated by the king with the title of “bey.” Botticelli left the grease pit forever and became renowned in another profession: that of royal pimp.

In truth, that term here is neither precise nor fair. Botticelli was not vulgar, common or a simple thief like the pimps one might see in brothels and nightclubs. He was to some extent an artist, a connoisseur, a real expert in women, a specialist in the various types of beauty and the arts of the bedchamber. It took him no more than a glance, a piercing look, to identify the right woman for a night with the king. He knew exactly what was wanted. It was his gut feeling, or call it genius, that drove Botticelli to choose a certain woman for the king’s bed, picking one out and discarding others who might appear even more beautiful. Botticelli knew that the royal taste in women varied with a woman’s age and social position. If they were in their twenties, for example, the king preferred the Parisian gamin look. She had to look like a beardless youth or a girl on the threshold of womanhood, with a flat chest and no behind. With regard to her toilette, clothing, speech and movement, there could be no hint of guile or experience. A woman in her twenties would win the king’s heart by dint of her simplicity and naïveté. Before presenting her, Botticelli would warn her not to show off or feign experience. He would whisper in a sly and insinuating tone, “Give yourself to the king. His Majesty knows that you are young and inexperienced, and he will treat you with honor and patience.”

In such cases, the king’s pleasure derived precisely from corrupting the innocent. The feeling of breaking down coy resistance and defiling untamed flesh delighted him no end.

With women in their thirties or forties, the king’s taste swung to the opposite extreme: he liked the fuller-bodied Mediterranean type of beauty, with an ample bosom and a soft, fleshy behind. Before granting her the honor of going to bed with His Majesty, Botticelli would advise this type of woman to flaunt her experience. He would give her a wink, smile and whisper, “What a lucky woman you are! Our great king has chosen to bestow his favor upon you. Women the world over will be envious. You will have a night of pleasure such as you have never known. You’ll be astonished at the king’s incredible stamina. You’ll find that, for all the men you have slept with, you have never known what real lovemaking is.”

This was Botticelli’s way of insinuating to a woman how she should behave: in the king’s arms, she had to show astonishment, telling him that she had never even imagined that such manliness could exist. These words of flattery from an experienced woman to His Majesty, and his happiness at being able to satisfy an experienced lover, gave him the feeling that he was more man than all her previous lovers put together.

There was a third category of seductress that Botticelli excelled at readying for the king: the spicy local woman of the lower classes. These he would choose from among anonymous dancers at the nightclubs. A beautician would spend a whole day with them before they met the king. They had to be immaculately clean and looking their very best, even with their touch of the common. Botticelli would look at his creation and joke, “Our king is a son of his country. From time to time he gets fed up with the schnitzels and smoked salmon, and he yearns for the hearty local fare. But the plate he eats off must be clean.”

Occasionally, Botticelli would present the king a wild card, a blindingly beautiful woman who did not fit in his usual categories but was notable for her particularity. Such a woman might be plump or skinny, young or middle-aged, but there had to be something extraordinary about her. In this way, Botticelli was akin to a collector, a connoisseur as well as an impresario and a teacher of seduction.

How did Botticelli convince women to climb into the royal bed? In fact, he did not have to try hard at all. There were always more than enough willing to give themselves over to royal love. Women from the greatest aristocratic families vied for the moniker of royal mistress, and it was not because the king was attractive. In addition to his chronic sexual problem, His Majesty was too lazy for any form of exercise but maintained such a voracious appetite for desserts that he weighed more than one hundred and twenty kilograms. Thus, he was not only unattractive but unfit and unable to satisfy a partner in bed. So why did the woman all compete for him? It was simply because he was the king of Egypt and the Sudan. He held the keys to wealth and happiness. After a stormy night of lovemaking, what could he say if the lady happened to mention that she had always dreamed of owning a piece of fertile land or a farm? Could His Majesty turn down such a request? Even if she was only a young woman he had enjoyed corrupting, a few days later, her father might be the recipient of royal munificence and promoted to the rank of bey or pasha, receiving a plot of land or shares in a large company. The irony is that if word of the king’s relationship with a woman got out, it would not sully her reputation but actually help her to find a good husband. Even married women who slept with His Majesty had no inhibitions about bragging that the king could relax only in their arms. The king’s relationship with any woman elevated her station, for it was obvious that if the king had picked her out from hundreds of candidates, then she must be something special, and it followed that any man who then took her for his wife would enjoy her exceptional qualities, as well as the honor of possessing a woman who had been favored by His Majesty.

Botticelli was serious and indefatigable. He loved his work, carrying it out with pleasure and good humor. He flitted around high society in search of women and each month would organize an exclusive party in some remote private venue, inviting the royal prospects to come and be presented. At some moment during the party, the king would surprise the guests with his presence, and they would go through the motions of expressing their obeisance to him. The women would soon start to vie with one another to attract the king’s glance, displaying their charms with seeming spontaneity, pretending that they were just crossing the room for some other reason as they paraded right in front of him. They knew that a single royal glance could change the course of their family’s life forever. The show would go on until His Majesty decided upon one for the night. Botticelli would then bow to the fortunate lady, kiss her hand and treat her with the reverence due to a newly crowned queen. She might then strut around flaunting the fact that she was destined for the king’s caresses, gloat as the other women tried to hide their disappointment.