Alaa al-Aswany - The Automobile Club of Egypt

The issue of staff continued to be discussed for weeks without resolution. At one of the weekly Tuesday meetings, the managing director, Mr. James Wright, arrived carrying a large manila file. He stood at the head of the board table and announced formally, “Gentleman, members of the administrative committee! I have put together a perfect plan for staffing the Club. I shall present it to you now and then take note of your reactions.”

I still have my photographs from when I was a child.

When I look at them now, I find that they reflect an inner peace. How happy and content I appear. I was blessed with an undeniably happy childhood, and except for the irritations caused by my brother Said, I do not remember any childhood traumas. I was the only girl, and everyone spoiled me. I had no worries or frustrations until we left Upper Egypt for Cairo, and it seemed like we were going to live in a better place. Two incidents stand out indelibly as important markers in my life. I was taking a shower when a trickle of blood started flowing down the lower part of my body. I screamed and ran to my mother for help, but to my astonishment, she did not seem particularly bothered and just proceeded to show me how to deal with the bleeding. When I finished my shower, she embraced me and told me that this would happen every month, and it meant that God had now made me into a woman capable of having children.

The second incident happened when I was a student in the second year at the Sunniya high school. During the last lesson, as Mr. Ma’mun, our Arabic teacher, was busy explaining how to use the adverbs of time and place, the classroom door suddenly opened, and Miss Sawsan, the deputy headmistress, came in. We stood up for her, and she smiled, greeted us and gestured to us to sit down. She whispered a few words to Mr. Ma’mun and then walked to the center of the classroom and announced, “Those girls who hear their name called out are to come with me…”

She read out three names from a piece of paper: mine and those of Khadiga Abd el-Sattar and Awatef Kamel.

We had no idea why we had been singled out, but we all felt quite jolly when we left the classroom for the cool air outside. We walked along behind Miss Sawsan, who, as usual, was marching along in an almost military way, with ne’er a look behind her. Soon, we started skipping, and Khadiga was imitating her walk. I exchanged glances with Awatef, and we could hardly contain our laughter. It was rather strange that I got on so well with Awatef, since I usually did not like her. She was pretty but unbearably arrogant. Our classmates used to make comparisons between us — which of us was prettier? I hated those discussions, even though I was sure that I was prettier. I used to list to myself the features of my body that I was proud of: my ink-black hair, the greenish eyes I inherited from my grandmother, the prominent line of my upper chest and my slim thighs. I even loved my small feet!

We followed Miss Sawsan to the office of the headmistress. It was gloomy in there except for a patch of light from a reading lamp by which she was reading over some papers. I detected the smell of old wood and another pleasant odor, though I could not tell where it was coming from.

Just standing there in front of her was enough to fill us with dread. We were silent until she raised her head, looked at us with a smile and then, as if she had practiced them, quickly uttered the following sentences, “You are the only girls in the second year who have not yet paid the second installment of your school fees and this was due two months ago. According to school regulations, we cannot allow you to sit the final examinations until the fees have been paid. I am sorry, girls, but the regulations from the Ministry of Information have to be followed.”

She handed us unsealed envelopes containing letters addressed to our parents. Then, in a firm tone but not one without a hint of compassion, she said, “Off you go now. Good-bye. You are not to attend school until you bring your parents and the fees.”

The bell rang for the end of the school day. We had to go back to the classroom to pick up our bags before going home. I started to feel a bit odd. It felt like my body was walking along on its own, uncontrolled by my mind, as if some external power was driving me along. Some of the girls stopped us to ask why we had been called to see the headmistress. Awatef said there had been some sort of problem with our names that needed to be corrected before they could fill out the forms for the end-of-year exams. At that moment we felt a sort of solidarity, a silent collusion. We had a secret that united us. Strangely, we did not talk about what had happened. We just chitchatted about other things.

Suddenly, with no one else near, Awatef said angrily, “The school has no right to stop us taking the exam just because we haven’t paid the fees. I’m not speaking about myself. My family is quite well off, thank God. We don’t have a problem with the fees. I’ll pay the amount due tomorrow, but what if one of us was really poor or her family was having a hard time. Would she lose her whole future just over a few Egyptian pounds?”

I knew that she was lying, but I made no comment. I was still trying to take in what had happened, and what the headmistress had said kept echoing in my ears: “We cannot allow you to sit the final examinations until the fees have been paid.” I went through the motions of giving Khadiga and Awatef a hug and a kiss, picked up my bag and went out of the school gate, where I found my brother Kamel waiting to walk me home as usual. He smiled, hugged me and then put his hand on my shoulder and asked me, “How was your day?”

I did not reply, having a hard time controlling my emotions.

Kamel, now a little worried, said, “What’s the matter, Saleha? Did something happen at school?”

Because of his gentleness, my tears welled up, and I could taste their saltiness. I handed him the letter. He read it quickly, then folded it again and put it in his pocket.

“Don’t worry about it.”

On the way home, Kamel stopped at the juice seller on the square and bought me a big glass of the guava juice I loved. He patted me on the shoulder, smiled and said, “You are too sensitive. It’s a very simple matter. Our father has been busy with his work and forgotten to send the school fees. Tomorrow morning, please God, I’ll go to school with you and give them the fees.”

I nodded and tried to smile. I wanted to make him happy. I was certain that he was lying, but I pretended to believe him.

We went home, and I took off my school clothes, had a shower and put on my housedress. Kamel took my mother into the kitchen, and when she came back, I noticed that she looked dejected and was avoiding my gaze. After lunch I told her that I had a lot of homework, and she said I did not have to help her with the washing up. I went to my room and shut the door. I lay on the bed, just wanting to be left alone. For the first time, I felt I did not know what was happening: If my father was really so busy, why hadn’t he sent the school fees along with Kamel? Couldn’t he afford it?

As far as I knew, we were not poor. I knew that our father came from a great and wealthy family. I still had wonderful memories of my childhood in Daraw, and of when our father sold his land in Upper Egypt and went to Cairo, he did so to provide us with a better education. That’s what my mother said, and with great pride, I used to repeat to my school friends, “My father has a senior position at the Automobile Club, and he meets the king a lot and speaks to him.”

How could it be that my father worked with the king but could not afford my school fees? The king must have paid his staff high salaries, so what could have happened? Had there been some incident with my father? Had someone stolen his money or bullied him into handing it over? What would we do in a crisis like that? Thank God I always sailed through school with flying colors and never had to retake any classes like my brothers Said and Mahmud. My marks were good in geography and languages, and I always came top in mathematics. Suddenly, my thoughts turned elsewhere. I started feeling guilty. Perhaps I was the cause of the crisis. How many times had I nagged him to buy me new clothes or take me to the cinema? Had I known he was going through difficult times, I would never have burdened him. All the things I had asked him for now seemed like wasteful trifles.