David Wallace - The Pale King - An Unfinished Novel

‘It’s all a little hazy.’

‘That’s certainly understandable, Sir.’

‘I think I should tell you I’m very upset.’

‘We can certainly appreciate that.’

‘No. No. I mean inside. Upset inside.’

‘I think they’ve anticipated that, Sir, and that every possible—’

‘Down low I mean.’

‘Perhaps if you could just relay it to us as if you were relating data, Sir.’

‘You know: down low? You take my meaning?’

‘That’s just the effects, Sir, lingering. Take your time.’

‘It was the annual picnic. Is that what you want?’

‘That we know already, Sir.’

‘Every year, summer. In Coffield Park, bond-financed. Examinations annual picnic. Mummified fried chicken, potato salad. Deviled eggs I believe with flecked paprika like dots of dried blood — horrid. Great arrayed fans of luncheon meat. All this protein. Examiners eat like wild beasts, I’m sure you know. Audits more sparingly. You must know this. The variance in—’

‘We’ve certainly had reports, Sir.’

‘And grilled things. Those odd bolted park grills, also bond-financed to be sure. Wieners, patties in tiers on shiny white paper. Great swarms and shrouds of insects on the food on the table. Flies rubbing their little legs together. Do you know what that means when a fly does that? Hornets at the waste cans, hovering. Watermelon with ants on it. When it rubs its legs together like that?’

‘…’

‘A raw hamburger patty’s like blood in the water to an insect, men.’

‘You were just inventorying the picnic’s provisions, Sir.’

‘Iced tea, Kool-Aid. There was pop in a chest the GM brought. Some primary-colored Jell-O. Red or green or red-and-green. It’s for morale, the annual picnic, change the interactive context.’

‘Nothing wrong with a picnic, Sir.’

‘See everyone’s families, children. The children. One doesn’t think of GS-9s having children, playing with children, little Line 40s. And yet every year there they are. The mothers arranged games. And bottles of beer in a chest Marge van Hool’s husband brought.’

‘We’ve spoken to Mr. van Hool, Sir.’

‘And mosquitoes everywhere. The terrible kind, that cast a shadow and have hairy legs. You can hear them but you can’t see them. Not until. Blood draws every — and Audits, Audits were playing some type of children’s game with that flying disk from Hasbro. Aerodynamic disk, bright color, Hasbro, where did—?’

‘A Frisbee, perhaps, Sir?’

‘Hasbro now a division of I believe one United Amusements, supposedly based in St. Paul but with substantial offshore accounts.’

‘…’

‘And you know as well as I what that so often means.’

‘And you noticed nothing out of the ordinary regarding the iced tea, the Jell-O.’

‘They think it was the Jell-O then.’

‘That wouldn’t be our department, Sir.’

‘The Jell-O had very small marshmallows in it as I recall. One of those exceedingly bright primary colors, the Jell-O. The flies left it alone, although those bloody mosquitoes my God if you—’

‘Yes, Sir.’

‘I should tell you I’m extremely agitated and upset.’

‘We’re making a second note of that, Mr. Director, Sir, for emphasis.’

‘I don’t believe the effects have entirely worn off yet.’

‘Just proceed on the assumption that we’re the ones in the middle, please, Sir.’

‘I spoke with law enforcement agents, I believe, unless that was the effects.’

‘That was several hours ago, Sir. We’re with the Service. I am Agent Clothier, this is Special Agent Aylortay.’

‘Pleased to meet you, Sir, although it’s damn unfortunate it has to be under these circumstances.’

‘You’re CID?’

‘No, Sir, we’re Inspections, out of Chicago, Post 1516.’

‘They brought you down.’

‘Everyone’s very concerned, Sir, understandably.’

‘Mosquitoes are just needles with wings.’

‘Not entirely sure how to respond to that, Sir.’

‘There were no CID at the picnic.’

‘No, Sir, as you might recall CID had a forensic accounting in-service this weekend at Region, Sir.’

‘They don’t mix well, as a rule, CID.’

‘No, Sir.’

‘Hold themselves a bit aloof if you know what I mean. Vomiting.’

‘Vomiting, Sir?’

‘When they rub their legs together. It looks innocuous, but the flies are in fact vomiting digestive juices onto their legs and applying it to the food. They’re one of the animals which pre-digest. Mosquitoes do the same thing.’

‘Sir, I—’

‘Vomit inside you. That’s what raises the lump. They’re pre-digesting the blood before they suck it out of you. Great hairy-legged things. They breed in the fields, you know. Needles with wings. Disease-vector. None finer. Whole civilizations down. Read your history.’

‘We can appreciate the bug situation down here, Sir.’

‘I was grilling. Brats and patties. At least for a time. They gave me an apron. Something witty on the front. A certain impertinence permissible at picnics, the Christmas party. Let everyone’s hair down a bit if you get me.’

‘You estimate you were grilling throughout the early intervals of the picnic, then, Sir, which would square with Mr. van Hool’s account.’

‘The iced tea was brewed, not that horrible mix iced tea with the slight scum on top.’

‘The iced tea was consumed by you’d say how many at the picnic, Sir?’

‘Copious. Terribly hot you understand. No one wants pop when it’s hot, except of course children, which then they have sticky mouths, which then the sugar in the pop excites the bugs.’

‘Jesus, Clothier, now with the bugs again.’

‘Utitshay.’

‘Nothing against CID, you understand. Indispensable part of the mechanism. Fine hardworking fellows. Notwithstanding all the junk cases, deplorable waste of resources, Region had figures on—’

‘So if there was a common denominator, Sir, you might point at the iced tea, you’re telling us.’

‘We all drank it. Ungodly hot. Who wants beer under a sun like that? Do either of you hear a — a sound?’

‘And yet you yourself you’re saying did not see anyone bringing the iced tea into the picnic area or making the iced tea.’

‘An urn. Dispenser. Orange pebbled plastic, nozzle like a barrel’s bung, yes?’

‘The iced tea, you’re saying.’

‘I don’t know that I’ve ever felt this agitated. It’s as if.’

‘They tell us it will come and go for a time, Sir, as the blood level stabilizes.’

‘You’ll be up and around in no time they tell us, Sir.’

‘Trying to be glad to be of help. Our boys in uniform.’

‘Clothier, what say—’

‘You were helping us identify the urn, Sir, with the iced tea.’

‘Orange dispenser that said Gatorade on the side. Some of the older children were excited; they thought it was Gatorade.’

‘No children drank the tea.’

‘The examiners call their children their little Line 40s. That’s of course where you enter your CCDC from Form 2441 on the 1040. Some of the children were playing Collections. Near the horseshoe courts. Some of the older children. Liens on the toys, a jeopardy assessment and seizure of some of the smaller childrens’ plates; there was some of the usual crying.’

‘And you’d say you might first have noticed any unusual effects or anything out of the ordinary when, then, Sir, if you had to say?’

‘Terrible activity to teach children. Collections is Ghent’s problem. Was Ghent’s. I avoid Collections.’

‘Understandable from our vantage, Sir.’

‘Are those sunglasses, then?’