Yom Sang-seop - Three Generations

But do I really love this woman? If so, would I express it so hastily and flippantly, even to you? I’m not sure, but I believe you’ve never experienced real love in your life. I failed to keep my virginity, but I’ve never had the experience of loving a woman. People say that wasting one’s youth and growing old without loving someone is a misfortune, but I don’t agree. It has something to do with my cerebral, calculating character and with my environment since I graduated from secondary school, which has made me the way I am.

To this day, Pil-sun is the only woman I’ve known other than the ones I’ve paid to cool my lust, but she is more like a sister to me. I can’t think of her as anything more than that. She has been the center of my life. Thanks to her, I have been spared the pain of starvation and inadequate clothing — well, at least much of the pain. Thanks to her, I have been able to keep my heart pure. But I’ve never thought of her as a love object or as my future spouse, even in my fantasies. She’s too pure, too innocent, and has too many endearing qualities for me to entertain such thoughts. Does my emotion contradict this? I don’t think so. Like all other girls, she may have absorbed all sorts of instinctive desires and fantasies from this society, but I pray that she never has a chance to fulfill them. When she chooses a husband in the future, a good-for-nothing like me won’t do, but she should reject a young man like you, too. It is unfortunate that she works at a rubber factory, but it’s better than becoming a daughter-in-law of a well-to-do family like yours. Working in factories, women have to fend for themselves, but in a middle-class family they become mere mannequins. If you were an impoverished student, I’d say you would be about thirty percent qualified to love Pil-sun.

I’m rambling, but what I want to know is the real intention behind your enthusiasm for offering Pil-sun an education. It may sound like I’m picking a fight with you, but where does this enthusiasm come from? Schooling is fine, but what about afterward? I suspect there is a touch of the petit-bourgeois in you. Without her monthly income of fifteen or sixteen won, her family would starve for days on end. There is no need to talk about a worthless person like me, who has installed himself amid such a family, but if you want to give her an education, you’d better be ready to cover her parents’ living expenses as well. Does your financial situation and sincerity go that far? You may well feel sympathy for her, but what would come of it — even if she received a thorough, modern education? Please forgive my bluntness.

Having written this much, I see that this is useless prattle. Let me talk more about our queen. Help me judge whether I’m qualified to love Hong Gyeong-ae. I am aware that I’m no more worthy of her than you are of Pil-sun, but to my eyes, Gyeong-ae doesn’t look like an ordinary woman. Do you know her? Your father seems to, which strikes me as odd. I can’t help but think that she showered special attention on me, a guy in whom she has no interest, just because she wanted to taunt my companion. And how does that make me look? When I think about it, her kisses did taste strange. Were they a special favor for me, or did she have some other purpose? Don’t laugh over there, far away, as you imagine me delirious after having made a fool of myself.

Byeong-hwa couldn’t bring himself to write about how he had been hauled off to the police station with Deok-gi’s father. It would be unkind, and as a son, Deok-gi might not appreciate hearing about it, so he decided against it, though he had much to say about their adventures that night.

The day before, Byeong-hwa visited Deok-gi’s father to see whether he was all right after all that had happened. It was then that Sang-hun gave him the coat, for which he was thankful, but he was irritated by Mr. Jo’s probing questions.

“How could she possibly act that way toward someone she’d seen only a few times?” the older man kept saying, in a manner most undignified for his age.

After attempting to clarify the matter, Byeong-hwa tried to make light of it. Laughing, he said, “Oh, I’ll step back if you like her so much.”

Sang-hun was thrown. Growing more impatient, he said, “How can you be so flippant? Tell me the truth — I’ve guessed as much anyway.”

“I am telling the truth, but I’ve guessed as much about you, too.” A bluff.

“Do you mean that you know who her father is?”

“I have a pretty good idea.”

“So you know Mr. Hong ____?”

Gyeong-ae is his daughter? Byeong-hwa swallowed his shock and said, “That’s why I feel so bad for her.”

Byeong-hwa knew the name very well because he’d heard about him after the 1919 Independence Movement.

Sang-hun said, “I met her when she was small but had no idea what had become of her since. I was surprised to find her there, but if you meet her again, give her some advice.”

“Such as?”

“Tell her to quit working there and either find a proper job or get married.”

“Well, other than becoming a rich man’s concubine, she wouldn’t be satisfied with anything mundane, and it’s not easy to find a decent job in times like these. Why don’t you help her out?” asked Byeong-hwa coyly.

“You’re right — I can’t ignore her, considering that her father was an acquaintance of mine, but I’m afraid my actions might be misconstrued,” Sang-hun said with a laugh.

Although Sang-hun tried to learn what Gyeong-ae meant to Byeong-hwa, he ended up revealing his own feelings. He hoped his hint would prevent Byeong-hwa from pinning his hopes on her. But he didn’t want to reveal everything from beginning to end. This young man, who couldn’t afford even a haircut and who had to scrounge up money for cigarettes, could never keep company with such a high-collar modern girl, and Gyeong-ae herself would never take Byeong-hwa seriously.

Still, Sang-hun found it rather suspicious that Deok-gi had suddenly talked about the issue of the child. He imagined that Deok-gi couldn’t bear to look on after learning of Byeong-hwa’s relationship with Gyeong-ae. It was possible that he wanted his father to settle the matter and take the child into his care.

If Sang-hun did so, the future might prove extremely messy. It would be premature to inform Byeong-hwa of his personal history. He had all the more reason to wait and see how things worked out.

Still suspicious, Sang-hun reiterated his advice as Byeong-hwa took his leave. “I guess she knows what she’s doing because she’s no ordinary girl, but you should be careful. Don’t do anything rash.”

“There’s no need for you to worry. I don’t have a problem, but you do,” Byeong-hwa said as he left, snorting to himself. He’d find out the truth from Gyeong-ae one of these days.

Sang-hun vowed to see Gyeong-ae as soon as possible to get her to promise that she would not reveal anything about their past to Byeong-hwa.

In his letter to Deok-gi, Byeong-hwa didn’t say a word about how he had verbally sparred with Sang-hun the day before. No, he would wait to hear from Deok-gi — he’d reply one way or another, especially since Byeong-hwa had hinted at his suspicions about Sang-hun and Gyeong-ae.

Byeong-hwa finished writing but didn’t have any postage. It had been a few days since he’d been given the ten won, and naturally not a coin was left in his pockets. The landlord’s family might still have a coin or two, but Byeong-hwa couldn’t bring himself to ask for one when they were scrimping as it was. Perhaps he could drop it in the mailbox without a stamp or get some money from a friend. He lay down, pulling the quilt over his head to keep himself warm.