Рэй Брэдбери: The Murderer

«You seem to like ice cream a lot.»

«I just rode around feeling of the silence. It's a big bolt of the nicest, softest flannel ever made. Silence. A whole hour of it. I just sat in my car, smiling, feeling of that flannel with my ears. I felt _drunk_ with Freedom!»

«Go on.»

«Then I got the idea of the portable diathermy machine. I rented one, took it on the bus going home that night. There sat all the tired commuters with their wrist radios, talking to their wives, saying, „Now I'm at Forty-third, now I am at Forty-fourth, here I am at Forty-ninth, now turning at Sixty-first.“ One husband cursing, „Well, get _out_ of that bar, damn it, and get home and get dinner started, I'm at Seventieth!“ And the transitsystem radio playing „Tales from the Vienna Woods,“ a canary singing words about a first-rate wheat cereal. Then I switched on my diathermy! Static! Interference! All wives cut off from husbands grousing about a hard day at the office. All husbands cut off from wives who had just seen their children break a window! The „Vienna Woods“ chopped down, the canary mangled! _Silence!_ A terrible, unexpected silence. The bus inhabitants faced with having to converse with each other. Panic! Sheer, animal panic!»

«The police seized you?»

«The bus _had_ to stop. After all, the music _was_ being scrambled, husbands and wives _were_ out of touch with reality. Pandemonium, riot, and chaos. Squirrels chattering in cages! A trouble unit arrived, triangulated on me instantly, had me reprimanded, fined, and home, minus my diathermy machine, in jig time.»

«Mr. Brock, may I suggest that so far your whole pattern here is not very-practical? If you didn't like transit radios or office radios or car business radios, why didn't you join a fraternity of radio haters, start petitions, get legal and constitutional rulings? After all, this _is_ a democracy.»

«And I,» said Brock, «am that thing called a minority. I _did_ join fraternities, picket, pass petitions, take it to court. Year after year I protested. Everyone laughed. Everyone else _loved_ bus radios and commercials. _I_ was out of step.»

«Then you should have taken it like a good soldier, don't you think? The majority rules.»

«But they went too far. If a little music and „keeping in touch“ was charming, they figured a lot would be ten times as charming. I went _wild!_ I got home to find my wife hysterical. _Why?_ Because she had been completely out of touch with me for half a day. Remember, I did a dance on my wrist radio? Well, that night I laid plans to murder my house.»

«Are you _sure_ that's how you want me to write it down?»

«That's semantically accurate. Kill it dead. It's one of those talking, singing, humming, weather-reporting, poetry-reading, novel-reciting, jingle-jangling, rockaby-crooning-when-you-go-to-bed houses. A house that screams opera to you in the shower and teaches you Spanish in your sleep. One of those blathering caves where all kinds of electronic Oracles make you feel a trifle larger than a thimble, with stoves that say, „I'm apricot pie, and I'm _done_.“ or „I'm prime roast beef, so _haste_ me!“ and other nursery gibberish like that. With beds that rock you to sleep and _shake_ you awake. A house that _barely_ tolerates humans, I tell you. A front door that barks: „You've mud on your feet, sir!“ And an electronic vacuum hound that snuffles around after you from room to room, inhaling every fingernail or ash you drop. Jesus God, _I_ say, Jesus God!»

«Quietly,» suggested the psychiatrist.

«Remember that Gilbert and Sullivan song — _I've Got It on My List, It Never Will Be Missed_? all night I listed grievances. Next morning early I bought a pistol. I _purposely_ muddied my feet. I stood at our front door. The front door shrilled, „Dirty feet, muddy feet! Wipe your feet! Please be _neat_!“ I shot the damn thing in its keyhole. I ran to the kitchen, where the stove was just whining, „Turn me _over_!“ In the middle of a mechanical omelet I did the stove to death. Oh, how it sizzled and screamed, „I'm _shorted_!“ Then the telephone rang like a spoiled brat. I shoved it down the Insinkerator. I must state here and now I have _nothing_ whatever against the Insinkerator; it was an innocent bystander. I feel sorry for it now, a practical device indeed, which never said a word, purred like a sleepy lion most of the time, and digested our leftovers. I'll have it restored. Then I went in and shot the televisor, that insidious beast, that Medusa, which freezes a billion people to stone every night, staring fixedly, that Siren which called and sang and promised so much and gave, after all, so little, but myself always going back, going back, hoping and waiting until-bang! Like a headless turkey, gobbling, my wife whooped out the front door. The police came. Here I _am_!»

He sat back happily and lit a cigarette.

«And did you realize, in committing these crimes, that the wrist radio, the broadcasting transmitter, the phone, the bus radio, the office intercoms, all were rented or were someone else's property?»

«I would do it all over again, so help me God.»

The psychiatrist sat there in the sunshine of that beatific smile.

«You don't want any further help from the Office of Mental Health? You're ready to take the consequences?»

«This is only the beginning,» said Mr. Brock. «I'm the vanguard of the small public which is tired of noise and being taken advantage of and pushed around and yelled at, every moment music, every moment in touch with some voice somewhere, do this, do that, quick, quick, now here, now there. You'll see. The revolt begins. My name will go down in history!»

«Mmm.» The psychiatrist seemed to be thinking.

«It'll take time, of course. It was all so enchanting at first. The very _idea_ of these things, the practical uses, was wonderful. They were almost toys, to be played with, but the people got too involved, went too far, and got wrapped up in a pattern of social behavior and couldn't get out, couldn't admit they were _in_, even. So they rationalized their nerves as something else. „Our modern age,“ they said. „Conditions,“ they said. „Highstrung,“ they said. But mark my words, the seed has been sown. I got world-wide coverage on TV, radio, films, _there's_ an irony for you. That was five days ago. A billion people know about me. Check your financial columns. Any day now. Maybe today. Watch for a sudden spurt, a rise in sales for French chocolate ice cream!»

«I see,» said the psychiatrist.

«Can I go back to my nice private cell now, where I can be alone and quiet for six months?»

«Yes,» said the psychiatrist quietly.

«Don't worry about me,» said Mr. Brock, rising. «I'm just going to sit around for a long time stuffing that nice soft bolt of quiet material in both ears.»

«Mmm,» said the psychiatrist, going to the door.

«Cheers,» said Mr. Brock.

«Yes,» said the psychiatrist.

He pressed a code signal on a hidden button, the door opened, he stepped out, the door shut and locked. Alone, he moved in the offices and corridors. The first twenty yards of his walk were accompanied by _Tambourine Chinois_. Then it was _Tzigane_, Bach's _Passacaglia_ and Fugue in something Minor, _Tiger Rag, Love Is Like a Cigarette_. He took his broken wrist radio from his pocket like a dead praying mantis. He turned in at his office. A bell sounded, a voice came out of the ceiling, «Doctor?»

«Just finished with Brock,» said the psychiatrist.

«Diagnosis?»

«Seems completely disorientated, but convivial. Refuses to accept the simplest realities of his environment and work _with_ them.»

«Prognosis?»

«Indefinite. Left him enjoying a piece of invisible material.»

Three phones rang. A duplicate wrist radio in his desk drawer buzzed like a wounded grasshopper. The intercom flashed a pink light and click-clicked. Three phones rang. The drawer buzzed. Music blew in through the open door. The psychiatrist, humming quietly, fitted the new wrist radio to his wrist, flipped the intercom, talked a moment, picked up one telephone, talked, picked up another telephone, talked, picked up the third telephone, talked, touched the wrist-radio button, talked calmly and quietly, his face cool and serene, in the middle of the music and the lights flashing, the two phones ringing again, and his hands moving, and his wrist radio buzzing, and the intercoms talking, and voices speaking from the ceiling. And he went on quietly this way through the remainder of a cool, air-conditioned, and long afternoon, telephone, wrist radio, intercom, telephone, wrist radio, intercom, telephone, wrist radio, intercom, telephone, wrist radio, intercom, telephone, wirst radio, intercom, telephone, wrist radio….