Pelham Wodehouse - The Intrusion of Jimmy

Faint, yet pursuing, she followed on his trail, and arrived in the doorway just as the pistol-report of the burst lock rang out.

She stood looking at him blankly. He was holding a drawer in one hand. Why, she could not imagine.

"Lord Dreever!" she exclaimed.

The somber determination of his lordship's face melted into a twisted, but kindly smile.

"Good!" he said, perhaps a trifle thickly. "Good! Glad you've come. We're pals. You said so—on stairs—b'fore dinner. Very glad you've come. Won't you sit down?"

He waved the drawer benevolently, by way of making her free of the room. The movement disturbed one of the bank-notes, which fluttered in Molly's direction, and fell at her feet.

She stooped and picked it up. When she saw what it was, her bewilderment increased.

"But—but—" she said.

His lordship beamed—upon her with a pebble-beached smile of indescribable good-will.

"Sit down," he urged. "We're pals.—No quol with you. You're good friend. Quol—Uncle Thomas."

"But, Lord Dreever, what are you doing? What was that noise I heard?"

"Opening drawer," said his lordship, affably.

"But—" she looked again at what she had in her hand—"but this is a five-pound note."

"Five-pound note," said his lordship. "Quite right. Three more of them in here."

Still, she could not understand.

"But—were you—stealing them?"

His lordship drew himself up.

"No," he said, "no, not stealing, no!"

"Then—?"

"Like this. Before dinner. Old boy friendly as you please—couldn't do enough for me. Touched him for twenty of the best, and got away with it. So far, all well. Then, met you on stairs. You let cat out of bag."

"But why—? Surely—!"

His lordship gave the drawer a dignified wave.

"Not blaming you," he said, magnanimously. "Not your fault; misfortune. You didn't know. About letter."

"About the letter?" said Molly. "Yes, what was the trouble about the letter? I knew something was wrong directly I had said that I wrote it."

"Trouble was," said his lordship, "that old boy thought it was love-letter. Didn't undeceive him."

"You didn't tell him? Why?"

His lordship raised his eyebrows.

"Wanted touch him twenty of the best," he explained, simply.

For the life of her, Molly could not help laughing.

"Don't laugh," protested his lordship, wounded. "No joke. Serious. Honor at stake."

He removed the three notes, and replaced the drawer.

"Honor of the Dreevers!" he added, pocketing the money.

Molly was horrified.

"But, Lord Dreever!" she cried. "You can't! You mustn't! You can't be going, really, to take that money! It's stealing! It isn't yours! You must put it back."

His lordship wagged a forefinger very solemnly at her.

"That," he said, "is where you make error! Mine! Old boy gave them to me."

"Gave them to you? Then, why did you break open the drawer?"

"Old boy took them back again—when he found out about letter."

"Then, they don't belong to you."

"Yes. Error! They do. Moral right."

Molly wrinkled her forehead in her agitation. Men of Lord Dreever's type appeal to the motherly instinct of women. As a man, his lordship was a negligible quantity. He did not count. But as a willful child, to be kept out of trouble, he had a claim on Molly.

She spoke soothingly.

"But, Lord Dreever,—" she began.

"Call me Spennie," he urged. "We're pals. You said so—on stairs. Everybody calls me Spennie—even Uncle Thomas. I'm going to pull his nose," he broke off suddenly, as one recollecting a forgotten appointment.

"Spennie, then," said Molly. "You mustn't, Spennie. You mustn't, really. You—"

"You look rippin' in that dress," said his lordship, irrelevantly.

"Thank you, Spennie, dear. But listen." Molly spoke as if she were humoring a rebellious infant. "You really mustn't take that money. You must put it back. See, I'm putting this note back. Give me the others, and I'll put them in the drawer, too. Then, we'll shut the drawer, and nobody will know."

She took the notes from him, and replaced them in the drawer. He watched her thoughtfully, as if he were pondering the merits of her arguments.

"No," he said, suddenly, "no! Must have them! Moral right. Old boy—"

She pushed him gently away.

"Yes, yes, I know," she said. "I know. It's a shame that you can't have them. But you mustn't take them. Don't you see that he would suspect you the moment he found they were gone, and then you'd get into trouble?"

"Something in that," admitted his lordship.

"Of course there is, Spennie, dear. I'm so glad you see! There they all are, safe again in the drawer. Now, we can go downstairs again, and—"

She stopped. She had closed the door earlier in the proceedings, but her quick ear caught the sound of a footstep in the passage outside.

"Quick!" she whispered, taking his hand and darting to the electric-light switch. "Somebody's coming. We mustn't be caught here. They'd see the broken, drawer, and you'd get into awful trouble. Quick!"

She pushed him behind the curtain where the clothes hung, and switched off the light.

From behind the curtain came the muffled voice of his lordship.

"It's Uncle Thomas. I'm coming out. Pull his nose."

"Be quiet!"

She sprang to the curtain, and slipped noiselessly behind it.

"But, I say—!" began his lordship.

"Hush!" She gripped his arm. He subsided.

The footsteps had halted outside the door. Then, the handle turned softly. The door opened, and closed again with hardly a sound.

The footsteps passed on into the room.

Jimmy, like his lordship, had been trapped at the beginning of the duologue, and had not been able to get away till it was nearly over. He had been introduced by Lady Julia to an elderly and adhesive baronet, who had recently spent ten days in New York, and escape had not been won without a struggle. The baronet on his return to England had published a book, entitled, "Modern America and Its People," and it was with regard to the opinions expressed in this volume that he invited Jimmy's views. He had no wish to see the duologue, and it was only after the loss of much precious time that Jimmy was enabled to tear himself away on the plea of having to dress. He cursed the authority on "Modern America and Its People" freely, as he ran upstairs. While the duologue was in progress, there had been no chance of Sir Thomas taking it into his head to visit his dressing-room. He had been, as his valet-detective had observed to Mr. Galer, too busy jollying along the swells. It would be the work of a few moments only to restore the necklace to its place. But for the tenacity of the elderly baronet, the thing would have been done by this time. Now, however, there was no knowing what might not happen. Anybody might come along the passage, and see him. He had one point in his favor. There was no likelihood of the jewels being required by their owner till the conclusion of the theatricals. The part that Lady Julia had been persuaded by Charteris to play mercifully contained no scope for the display of gems.

Before going down to dinner, Jimmy had locked the necklace in a drawer. It was still there, Spike having been able apparently to resist the temptation of recapturing it. Jimmy took it, and went into the corridor. He looked up and down. There was nobody about. He shut his door, and walked quickly in the direction of the dressing-room.

He had provided himself with an electric pocket-torch, equipped with a reflector, which he was in the habit of carrying when on his travels. Once inside, having closed the door, he set this aglow, and looked about him.

Spike had given him minute directions as to the position of the jewel-box. He found it without difficulty. To his untrained eye, it seemed tolerably massive and impregnable, but Spike had evidently known how to open it without much difficulty. The lid was shut, but it came up without an effort when he tried to raise it, and he saw that the lock had been broken.