Miklós Bánffy - They Were Found Wanting

‘I don’t mind, really I don’t! When I was still a child, perhaps, but it doesn’t mean anything to me now.’

‘I know what you mean. You see I understand it very well. My father died when I was very young, so I’m half an orphan too. It’s horrid when you’re young, but when you grow up it’s still sad but it doesn’t hurt any more. We’ve got our lives before us … and life is beautiful!’

‘Not for everybody‚’ said Gyeroffy with a bitter smile.

‘Oh, yes! For everybody! It’s only a matter of will power. You have to want it,’ said Dodo and sat down on the window sill. ‘Look how beautiful the view is from here! Isn’t it a joy to see something so lovely?’ and she pointed to the gently sloping garden down below.

Laszlo sat down next to her, and Dodo went on chattering away, asking questions, listening to the young man’s answers; asking more questions, interested, charming. ‘It was gardeners from Schloss Laxenburg who planned the park! How cunning they were, it seems twice as big as it really is! You’d never know we’ve only got twenty acres!’ he said, and Dodo replied, ‘I’d never have believed it! And what sort of tree is that? I’ve never seen one like it before. And that one over there? What is that? It’s very exotic.’ She went on to ask how far they were from the Szamos river and commented on the hills in front of them and the three peaks of the Cibles shining in the distance. As they talked they were sitting very close to each other and her soft arm brushed Laszlo’s face each time she leaned forward to gaze from the window, and her chubby little hand grasped his shoulder for support.

When Dodo tossed off her motoring cap, her dark hair hung free giving forth a subtle sweet female scent and her neck rose smoothly from the open blouse like the throat of a dove. As they chatted easily together Laszlo felt himself gradually being overcome by some magic spell. The girl’s wide-open eyes were filled with tenderness.

Outside it started to rain, a few drops spattering the window sill.

Dodo jumped down and went over to the Bösendorfer.

‘Are you still working at the piano?’ and when Laszlo shook his head, she went on, ‘No? What a pity!’ For a while they turned over the musical scores that were lying in untidy heaps on the piano top and then Laszlo started to look for some of his own manuscript works and showed them to her and Dodo leant against him, so interested was she, it was like some comradely game of love where words and actions have no real meaning but serve only to tie the two of them together, close to each other, their shoulders and hips touching, and their young blood racing beneath the skin.

Outside the rain was now falling hard, drumming on the window sill like a prelude of Chopin and forming a curtain of close-knit threads separating them from the world outside. Once again it was Dodo who broke away. Still not quite sure of herself she went first towards the sofa, but it was covered with books and clothes carelessly thrown down and that, perhaps, was why she moved over to the bed, pulled straight the eiderdown and sat down on the edge. Laszlo followed her almost unconscious of his movements and sat beside her.

Dodo leaned towards him, slipped her arms round his shoulders and without a word offered him her mouth. At once they were welded together in a long kiss until the sound of the raindrops seemed to echo the throbbing of their desire for each other.

After a while Laszlo pushed her gently away, shook himself, got up and went to sit down on a chair a little way away. It was as if he were fleeing from the passion within him. Then, very softly, he said‚ ‘We shouldn’t … we shouldn’t!’

Dodo looked at him, smiling. ‘Why not? You know I love you. I’ve loved you for ages, for ever. I’ve always loved you. I’m yours if you’ll have me. Why don’t you marry me? I’d be happy to be your wife! You’ll see how happy we’d both be!’

‘But that’s impossible!’ said Gyeroffy‚ though there was no conviction in his voice, only slight protest against the unexpected.

‘Why impossible? There’s nothing to stop us. We’re both free. We can do as we please. Isn’t it enough that I ask you?’ and she repeated softly‚ sweetly‚ ‘Well, isn’t it?’

As Dodo said this she presented a charming picture sitting on the edge of the bed leaning forwards towards him her light raw-silk dress emphasizing the contours of her body, her round breasts, her smooth round neck. Her lips were reddened from their kiss and her eyes were beseeching. Laszlo’s first impulse was to jump up and take her in his arms; but the impulse lasted only a fraction of a second before something stopped him, though not before he had started to move towards her.

In the last few weeks more and more writs had been served on him, writs for the payment of long-standing debts. The bailiffs had been twice to the house and maybe they had even now fixed a date for selling all his belongings. Laszlo never understood these things. Azbej arranged everything for him, postponements, arrangements for amortizations — how and with what Laszlo had no idea. All he knew was that he was submerged in debt and that any day might find him thrown out onto the street.

It was the sudden memory of this, the consciousness of his bankruptcy‚ which had stopped him. He looked at Dodo from where he sat and in his distress answered her‚ ‘I, I have nothing, only debts. Even now this place may not be mine. I’m a beggar.’

If at this moment Dodo had taken him in his arms, pressed her young body to his and had said she didn’t care, or that it didn’t matter, or even if she had said nothing but just pressed her mouth to his without another word, then perhaps all would have been well and their fate would have taken a different turn. It was one of those moments in life when destiny is determined by a single word and what happens thereafter can never be reversed. But Dodo, alas, did not choose either of the ways that would have ensured her happiness. Quite unconsciously it was she herself who undid everything that up until now she had planned with such care and success. She said‚ ‘What does that matter? I know all that already. Everything can be arranged. I’m quite rich enough to take care of all that!’

From where she sat, facing the window, Dodo could not see how Laszlo’s face crumbled as she spoke.

At those few short words all Laszlo’s recent past surged back into his mind. At that moment he was faced with everything that had happened to him. It was all there in front of him. There stood his former mistress, the lovely Fanny Beredy, who had loved him and without his knowledge pawned her famous rope of pearls to settle his gambling debts. He could think of nothing but his shame when he had found this out, a shame that had been with him for months until he had freed himself by redeeming the pearls, leaving his new debts unpaid, an action which he had known would lead to his being thrown out of the Casino Club. There too stood the phantom of Lieutenant Wickwitz, his handsome face contorted with mocking laughter, whom Laszlo when drunk had insulted by accusing him of living off rich women, when all the time he had known that he himself was guilty of the same sin. The Austrian officer had been disgraced and had fled abroad but he, Laszlo, he had sat in judgement over this scoundrel and over himself, over all men who lived off women. Never! Never! Never again would anyone be able to accuse him of that! Never! Never! Never!

Laszlo jumped up and backed behind his chair using it as a barricade between them. He flung out an arm, pointing to the door, ‘Go away! Never! Never that!’ and his voice was filled with menace as he shouted; ‘Go! Go! Go!’

Pale as death Dodo got up. Then the blood rushed to her face. Picking up the motoring cap that had fallen to the floor, she ran out of the room.