Ivy Compton-Burnett - Men and Wives

“Quite, in that case,” said Rachel. “Why did you have them, Harriet?”

“The servants can keep anything like that for themselves in future,” said Godfrey.

“Then we shall be quite free from anxiety,” said Rachel. “Nothing marked ‘poisonous’ within reach of the family.”

“I admit I am in sympathy with your attitude,” said Geraldine, chuckling in guilty fellow-feeling. “I fear I am a thorough-going conservative at heart.”

“Well, we will not stay,” said Agatha. “We shall carry away much easier minds than we brought with us.”

“It is too kind of you, Mrs. Calkin,” said Godfrey. “We appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts. We are unlike ourselves this morning, but we shall not forget it.”

“I am sure you must be,” said Agatha kindly, as she shook hands.

“You should protest that they are not. That is not at all the way to respond,” said her sister.

Agatha stood with an aspect of practised patience.

“Are you coming in to see us this afternoon?” she said to Gregory.

“Yes, do, my dear,” said Harriet, as Gregory glanced in her direction. “I shall be glad for you to have a change from me.”

“Then I will come to tea, if I may,” said Gregory.

“Harriet, I cannot understand why you feel that Matthew and Jermyn should not give themselves to creative work,” said Rachel. “Think what they will accomplish in their lives, when they can do so much in a few minutes!”

“I am not going to feel it any longer. I will be simply thankful for them and for their gifts.”

“You must have been thankful for those just now,” said Rachel. “I should have been, in your place. I was in my own. But they must not stay and see you losing your personality before their eyes. And, Godfrey, don’t stand there, brooding over Geraldine. You should keep your mind on wholesome things. And here is another inquirer coming to probe for the truth! Of course it is well worth probing for. I wonder if people would inquire for me, if I took a tablet from the wrong bottle — do remember it was that — or if they would think it natural to pass away at my age, or a mercy, or a happy release, or all for the best, or anything else that excuses survivors from grief. It is Ernest Bellamy! I should love to have him inquire for me, if any illness now might not be my last. I hope he did not see me looking out of the window, and being reminded of the dream of my youth. He must get so apt at recognising that expression.”

“Now this is the sight of all sights I would choose to see!” said Bellamy in a grave, vibrating tone. “Fate deals with me this morning as I would choose.”

“We are indebted to you, Rector,” said Godfrey. “My poor wife gave us a terrible fright, and herself into the bargain. She didn’t get out of it herself. She took what was really a sleeping tablet, that had got into a bottle marked ‘dangerous’, and we had some minutes before Dufferin arrived to put us out of our misery. Every moment of that time is imprinted on my brain, and will go down to the grave with me.”

“I hope you are as ashamed of yourself as you ought to be,” said Bellamy to Harriet.

“Yes, I am. I caused great suffering.”

“To yourself as well as to others.”

“Yes. She can feel that nobody went through what she did,” said Rachel.

“Oh, I don’t know about that, Rachel,” said Godfrey.

“This is not a case where two people can be one flesh,” said Matthew. “Mother has earned the doubtful distinction of suffering in utter loneliness.”

“Matthew, would you rather have your mother harmed than yourself?” said his father in a tone high from incredulity.

“Of course he would,” said Rachel. “That is the weak point about suicide, that no one feels the worst has happened.”

“Well, well, we are not given the choice,” said Godfrey.

“There would be very little gained by it,” said Matthew.

“I wonder what we should think of anyone who rated himself below anyone else. Just as a matter of theory, I mean,” said Godfrey, having disposed of the subject otherwise with advantage.

“It could never be a matter of anything else,” said Matthew.

“Well, well, I have seen some fine things in my life,” said Godfrey, his eyelids flickering.

“Can you tell us of a single one?” said Rachel.

“Oh, well, they are hardly things one speaks about.”

“If they happened, you would never speak of anything else,” said Griselda.

“Feelings can be too deep for words,” said Godfrey.

“We must never talk again about those we had when Mother’s moment came,” said Jermyn.

“I think I have said least about mine,” said Rachel. “Take Mr. Bellamy out to see the horses, Godfrey. There is no need to show any more solicitude for Harriet. Nothing really happened to her at all. A hostess always has a parting gossip with a guest, and she can simply do her duty. Now, Harriet, this is not a thing you can really be apathetic about.”

“It is not much of a matter,” said Harriet.

“It was a matter of life and death.”

“Only my life or death. I made too much of it.”

“You did, if that was your view. We got the impression that you felt quite definitely.”

“I did at the moment, just at the moment,” said Harriet in a dreamy tone.

“My dear, had you any excuse for putting yourself in the limelight, when you should have been throwing up your guests? You owe it to me to explain.”

“I will perhaps tell Gregory some time,” said Harriet, “but perhaps I shall not tell him.”

Rachel looked at her in silence.

“Do you like the idea of Griselda’s marrying Ernest Bellamy?”

“I must not dislike what my dear ones do. I have found I must not.”

“No, that is true love,” said Rachel.

“I am not sure,” said Harriet, raising melancholy eyes.

“I am,” said Rachel. “It is so untrue that we can love the sinner and hate the sin.”

Harriet smiled.

“But I find it hard to wish my girl to marry a man who has divorced his wife,” she said.

“Why, what better way could there be of dealing with her? It is as far as possible removed from Percy’s way, which is the worst.”

“She would only be living in the town; and Antony is a friend of ours. Griselda would often have to meet her.”

“Only in the flesh,” said Rachel. “That puts a woman at a disadvantage compared with oils, and the town is a fair distance compared with the dining-room.”

“Well, I must let things go as they will. I have found I have not the strength for guidance.”

“Harriet, things deserve a little spirit, that are worth committing suicide about. I begin to see there was no excuse for what you did.”

“There was not. I hope I may be forgiven.”

“I hardly see how you can be.”

“I cannot forgive myself.”

“Well, then you can understand it.”

“God is good. He tempers judgment with mercy.”

“Then perhaps it hardly matters. But it is difficult not to feel only judgment. God may be different, but I can’t have mercy on a friend who keeps everything selfishly to herself.”

“You don’t know how little I want it all for myself.”

“How can I, when you won’t give a word of it away?”

“If I could make you understand, I would not.”

“I really have cause for complaint,” said Rachel. “Here is Percy come to fetch me! Camilla is sitting in the carriage with him, and he is letting Johnson drive, to give all his attention to her. No doubt she has come to inquire. She doesn’t know how little good it is. What a primitive quality it is, that power over men! I do respect Camilla for it, and I rather respect Percy for responding to it. If I had had it, do you suppose I should have been a second wife? Camilla, I should be proud of you, if I were your mother.”