V Alexander - The Taster

I could hardly look at Karl that evening after tasting. We took a walk to get away from our tiny room. The camp was quiet, deathly still. The energy that usually lingered in the Wolf’s Lair air had disappeared. No one talked except in whispers. There were no smiles at the dinner table. When Karl and I looked at each other, we knew a hurt, a loss greater than we could ever have imagined, was about to rip us apart.

“He must know by now,” Karl whispered as we walked on the path near the railroad car siding. Hitler’s ornate train sat on the rails, dark, silent. He slammed his hand into his palm. “Von Stauffenberg must know Hitler’s alive. Surely he heard the radio address. If he’s initiated the coup, he and the others will be rounded up like cattle.” Karl’s voice contorted in agony. “It will only be a matter of time before the Gestapo comes for me. Things could not have gone worse. The conference room was destroyed by the blast. No one should have lived. Brandt, Korten, Schmundt, the stenographer, all dead. But Hitler survived. Perhaps providence is on his side.”

I wanted to crumple at his feet or, better yet, pretend that none of this was happening. Perhaps it was all a bad dream and Karl would awaken me with a kiss. If I drifted away I no longer had to face the truth. In order to pull myself back, I had to face the fear needling me. I had to be strong for Karl’s sake.

“Do you think they will come for me?” I asked.

“I’ve kept your name out of it. No one knows. Von Stauffenberg met you the day I was going to…” He was afraid to speak the words. “He was intrigued by your courage, but I made him swear never to involve you in the plot. I can only pray he keeps his word.”

“Then I believe I’m safe.”

“But I’m not.”

“Karl…” I could go no further and I collapsed against him. He remained strong and firm. He never moved while I cried against him. I could not cry out for fear of raising an alarm, although I wanted to shriek to the heavens.

“Hush,” he said. “It’ll be all right.” He stroked my hair. “But you know I must leave tonight.”

I looked into his eyes.

“I will find you,” he said. “I will search every city in Germany if I have to. Go about your work, protect your father and, if I’m right—our baby.”

I sobbed against his chest.

“We’ve said our vows and we have our rings,” he said. “One day we’ll meet again. I promise.”

He took me by the hand and led me back to our room. We turned off the light and lay next to each other on the bed, holding and caressing each other until blessed sleep took away my fears.

A few hours later, my nerves startled me awake and I shot up in bed. The room was as dark as a cave and I could see nothing but dim shapes. I ran my hands over the sheets and found the bed empty. Karl had vanished like a whisper. I switched on the lamp. Nothing was taken from our room; it was as if he were already dead. His clothes hung in the closet; his toiletries still sat on the shelf. A note lay at the foot of the bed. It read: I love you.

I held it to my chest and sobbed until the night dragged me away again.

Aknock awakened me from a fitful sleep.

Karl had been gone for less than four hours.

I opened the door to find the Colonel staring at me. His uniform was bedraggled and a cigarette hung from his parched lips. He looked as if he had been up most of the night. I fought back the fear that jumped inside me. Karl had warned me to be strong.

I suspected the Gestapo and SS were already rounding up suspects in the bombing plot. Perhaps Karl had been far enough down on the list they hadn’t gotten to him until now.

The Colonel sat stiffly in a chair and smoked his cigarette while I sat on the bed in my dressing gown.

“Where is he?” he asked.

I looked him in the eye and said, “I don’t know.”

He tapped his fingers against his thigh and smirked. “You know where he is—you must. You will tell me or—” He broke off his sentence, as if a fresh way to torture me had come into his mind.

“Or what?” I asked casually. I was not afraid because the Colonel, with his first question, confirmed that Karl had escaped the Wolf’s Lair. Then I remembered my father in Berlin and Karl’s prediction of a child. I had only been thinking of myself. A spike of fear shot down my back. I wondered whether the Colonel sensed my discomfort.

He puffed on his cigarette and blew the smoke toward me. “You put on a brave face, but you must be terrified.” He paused and looked at me as no man had ever looked at me before, with eyes that bored through my skin to my soul. His gaze was unearthly, chilling in its feverish intensity. “You will be more terrified once you see the severity of your circumstances, because I control your fate.” His mouth distorted the words so they became powerful and cruel.

“Would you have me tortured? Killed? The woman who saved the Führer from being poisoned?”

He laughed, assured and confident. “You can only play that hand so long, Frau Weber. The cards become torn and dirty. The Führer tends to forget good deeds when you are a traitor to the Reich.” He leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs. “You’re a very attractive woman. No wonder Captain Weber was taken by you. But you’re different. I can’t put my finger on it, but I will.”

“I’ve done nothing wrong. I don’t know where my husband is, but I’m sure he would never be involved in a plot against the Führer.”

“I’m not so certain. We have reports that numerous officers were involved in this vile assassination attempt. Von Stauffenberg and several others have already been executed, unfortunately against the Führer’s orders.”

I suppressed a gasp. “I met the Colonel once. He seemed a loyal man.”

“He was anything but. The Wehrmacht is filled with traitors. You only have to ask the Führer his opinion about the fools who are aiding the enemy, filling our soldiers with lies and sabotaging the war effort. We have idiots for generals. But, in time, all the traitors will be eradicated. That is my job. I can tell you these things because your words against me will never be heard.”

I got up from the bed. “I have work to do. Cook is expecting me.”

“You are no longer a taster until we get to the bottom of this treasonous mystery. I’m removing you from the Wolf’s Lair.”

I stared at him and said harshly, “I want to speak to Cook. In fact, I demand to speak to the Führer. He blessed my union with Karl. He won’t stand for such an action against me.”

The Colonel puffed on his cigarette and then crushed it out on the floor. “The Führer has given me full rein in this investigation. He and the cook know where you’ll be going. They agree it’s for the best.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“It makes no difference what you believe. Be ready in one hour. Pack a few things—only the necessities. Don’t try to sneak anything out. My men will check your bag.” He rose from the chair and bowed slightly. “Oh, another matter. Give me your papers and your Party pin. You won’t be needing them anymore.”

He was taking the two items that ensured my security in the Reich—both given to me on orders from Hitler. I took them from their place on the desk and handed them to him.

The Colonel saluted and said, “Heil Hitler.” I watched as he closed the door and wondered what was going to happen. An armed SS man stood outside the door blocking any way I had of getting out.

An hour later, I was escorted out of headquarters by two men, who walked beside me holding my arms. They whisked me away so secretively no one saw me when they put me in a car. Shortly, I was on a train at Rastenburg Station accompanied by members of Hitler’s security forces. My importance as a prisoner was assured, at least in the Colonel’s eyes. I had no idea where I was going. I was allowed to take one suitcase and a coat. That was all. Any personal possessions I cared about, photographs of my family and those taken at my wedding were left behind. I assumed they would be destroyed. I hid the stuffed monkey my father had given me as a child under my bed. If the photographs and other personal items were lost, there would be little on earth to confirm my existence. It would be easy for the Gestapo or the SS to eliminate me without a trace.