Juliet Butler - The Less You Know the Sounder You Sleep

I get my breath back and stare at her, feeling sick. I can’t not have him, now I’ve had some of him, I can’t, I can’t! The more I think about what Zinaida said, the more I think it’s a lie. I know it’s a lie. I’ve told Masha that. I’ve told her Zinaida thinks only Healthies should have sex. ‘It’s not some boy, Masha, it’s only Slava, and it’s my needs, and, like I said, there’s two of us down there. You can’t feel it when I touch mine, we’ve tried. It wouldn’t be you, Masha, it would be me. You must let me, you must, you don’t understand how—’

She pushes the fork into my arm. ‘Listen, you. I’m saying this once. I’m not having you Doing It with anyone. Not Peanut. Not anyone. Got it?’

I don’t even nod. I hate her. Why do I always have to do what she says? I hate her. I put my head in my hands. I’ll never talk to her again. She can’t make me not make love to him. She can’t. She can’t!

Can she?

‘The zoo! The zoo! We’re going to the zoo!’ Masha jumps out of bed and starts pulling on our clothes. ‘I want to see the snakes and crocodiles the most – do you think there’ll be crocodiles, Aunty Zoya? Do you?’

The nanny, Aunty Zoya, nods and smiles. ‘Wouldn’t be surprised, Mashinka, there might be bears and tigers too, so you’d better keep your distance.’ She picks Little Lyuda up under her arm to take her down to breakfast and looks back over her shoulder before she goes down the stairs. ‘You’ll make a nice double helping if that lot gets peckish.’

‘Make sure they don’t put you in with the chimps, Mash!’ shouts Little Lyuda as she’s carried down.

We’ve been back in school for three weeks now. Slava stayed in camp until we all left, but Masha watched us like a wolf with two goats, and made sure she never dozed off again. I don’t care. Slava likes me. That’s all that matters. I’ll find a way to get round Masha. I must. I just must. Slava looks at me now in this hot, hungry, secret way. But only when Masha’s not looking. It’s our way of talking without talking. He’s not going to the zoo today and neither’s Little Lyuda or Olessya, because they don’t want anyone on trolleys in case they scare the animals. It’s a travelling zoo, which has camped outside town, and our Director, Semyon Konstantinovich, has come to an arrangement with the zoo’s Director that he’ll close it to the public so we can visit.

We all pile into the bus and everyone’s singing Africa has Gorillas, Africa has Sharks! But I don’t think they’ll have those in this zoo. Svetlana Petrovna, the biology teacher, stands up at the front of the bus when we’re all settled down.

‘Now then, children. Those with crutches, do not poke them through the bars. No feeding the animals. We will alight from the bus and walk in pairs through the gates, quietly and calmly.’

‘Please, please, Svetlana Petrovna!’ Masha’s jumping around like a flea, with her hand up. ‘Can I be paired with Petya? Dasha can go with Olessya.’

‘Very funny, Masha. Sit down. And remember, children, be quiet and orderly. You will be a credit to the school, understood?’ She glares at Masha.

It’s already warm by the time we drive up to the scrubland on the outskirts of town. Everyone wants to be the first to see a giraffe, or even an elephant, but there’s this high wooden fence all round it, so we can’t see in at all. When the bus door opens, we can smell a strong, stinky African smell, which makes the girls all scream like mad.

There’s a couple of boys from town hanging around when we get off the bus, and they stare at us like all their dreams have come true as we line up, waiting to go in. As we all file in through the gates, I can see the boys legging it back to town, whooping.

The zoo Director is waiting for us inside. I can tell he’s nervous but when he sees Masha and me, he almost topples over backwards. He’s thin, with a long scraggly neck and has a crumpled suit on.

‘This is Anahit Tigranovich. Say thank you, children.’

‘Thank you, Anahit Tigranovich,’ we all chirp, like parrots, but he just backs away as if we’ve bitten him.

‘Come along then, first we’ll see the wolves, shall we?’ says Svetlana Petrovna quickly, and we all run off after her. The wolves are thin as anything with their ribs sticking out and they’re pacing up and down their little cage, like that’s all they’ve been doing for hundreds of years. There’s even a groove in the cement floor where they walk, and their fur’s sticking out in tufts.

‘The Big Bad Wolf will come one day – to grab little Masha and take her away,’ chants Big Boris in Masha’s ear. Mummy used to sing us that when we were little. It wasn’t scary when she sang it. It’s a lullaby. Masha goes to bite him on the arm.

‘Come along, come along,’ says Svetlana Petrovna, ‘no playing around. On to the snakes.’

‘Oooh snakes – healthy!’ shouts Masha. ‘I want to hold one – can I hold one?’

‘Certainly not. They’re behind glass and probably poisonous…’ Svetlana Petrovna glances around to see where the Director is, but he’s gone. Good, he’s creepy. We spend ages pressing our noses against the glass, looking at the lazy snakes staring at us with their unblinking eyes, until one of the girls says she thinks they’re just stuffed and not real, so we all start dancing around to see if they’ll move. But they don’t.

‘That’s quite enough of that. Next is the monkey cage.’

‘Put Masha in with them!’ laughs Big Boris when we get to their cage, and see them all sitting on the branches staring out through the bars, but not looking at us. I know that, because I looked into their eyes really carefully. They’re looking beyond us, as if there’s something out there. But there isn’t. It must be more fun for them outside their cage, back in the jungle. Maybe that’s what they’re looking for. The jungle.

‘She’d cheer them up!’ Boris says. ‘Throw Mashinka in! Go on, go on!’ Masha laughs and grabs the bars, rattling them, but the monkeys still don’t move.

‘Are there lelephants?’ asks one of the younger boys. ‘I want to see a lelephant.’

‘I don’t believe there are, Dima, but look, here are some zebras.’

‘Those stripes are painted on, they’re painted!’ says Masha. ‘Look’ – she licks her finger – ‘I’ll get in and wipe them off.’

‘Stop right there, my little beauty, and behave. Silence!’

We all stop talking, and it’s then we hear it. A shouting coming from the entrance. The Director is standing by the wolf cage, wiping his forehead with a handkerchief and one of the zoo staff is saying ‘…hundreds of them… more than we’ve had all week… make a fortune…’

Svetlana Petrovna can hear too. She strides up to him. ‘I forbid you to let anyone in.’

‘Sorry, comrade, have to make a living, can’t be a parasite on the State…’

He goes off to the gates then and opens them. Him and the zoo man can’t take money off everyone fast enough as they all come in and run towards us in a big wave, surrounding us with their stinky breath and sweat and fat bodies, pushing us back against the zebra pen. I want to be sick, I can’t breathe. There’s loads of them, spitting at us and shouting in their stupid loud voices, saying stuff like: There’s the mutant, there it is! It’s not a girl with two heads, it’s a boy, they’ve mutated further, should be killed… aaakh!… Svetlana Petrovna is somewhere behind them, but Big Boris pushes in front of us, so we’re right behind his back, pressing into him and holding on to him, round his waist. He’s shoving them back. I can hear Svetlana Petrovna’s voice somewhere in the distance saying over and over again, ‘Comrades! Look at the animals! Comrades, please, please, look at the animals!’ We’re going to be crushed to death, Masha and me, it’s the end, I can’t breathe, being squished against the pen. But then suddenly Masha pushes out from behind Boris, and steps right out in front of him. She starts screaming at them, waving her arms, shoving them back herself with her two arms and yelling, ‘ You’re the fucking mutants! Moodaki, Blyadi! Who asked you to come and insult us? Get the fuck away from us!’ They all stop shouting like she’s cast a spell over them. They take a step right back, when she starts in yelling at them like that, waving her arms all over the place. Then Svetlana Petrovna pushes through to us and the driver’s come from somewhere too, and is shielding us all as they both herd us back to the bus with Masha still yelling her head off, swearing like crazy. ‘Go home to your stinking holes in the ground! Us? Killed? I’ll see the fucking lot of you dead and buried before I think of dying. And you know what? Know what? I’ll come and dance on every one of your yobinny graves…’ Svetlana Petrovna’s trying madly to shush her, but she won’t stop until we’re on the bus and the door’s closed behind us all. I’m crying and trembling and all the little kids are bawling too, but Masha just starts thumping her fists on the window and keeps swearing until Svetlana Petrovna pushes her down hard into her seat and we drive off.