George Saunders: Lincoln in the Bardo

It is quite amazing, the boy said.

Stop, Mr. Vollman said. Please stop. For the good of all.

Dead, the boy said. Everyone, we are dead!

roger bevins iii

Suddenly, from behind us, there occurred, like lightning-cracks, three rapid-fire repetitions of the familiar, yet always bone-chilling, firesound associated with the matterlightblooming phenomenon.

hans vollman

I did not dare to look around to see who had gone.

roger bevins iii

Dead! the lad shouted, almost joyfully, strutting into the middle of the room. Dead, dead, dead!

That word.

That terrible word.

hans vollman

Purdy, Bark, and Ella Blow were flailing within a window casement, like trapped birds, weakened and compromised by the lad’s reckless pronouncements.

roger bevins iii

Verna Blow stood below, pleading with her mother to come down.

hans vollman

Now look, Mr. Vollman said to the boy. You are wrong. If what you say is true — who is it that is saying it?

Who is hearing it? I said.

Who is speaking to you now? said Mr. Vollman.

To whom do we speak? I said.

roger bevins iii

But he would not be silenced.

hans vollman

Tore away years of work and toil with each thoughtless phrase.

roger bevins iii

Father said it, he said. Said I am dead. Why would he say that, if it weren’t true? I just now heard him say it. I heard him, that is, remembering having said it.

We had no answer for this.

hans vollman

It did not, indeed, seem to us (knowing him as we now knew him) that Mr. Lincoln would lie about such a momentous thing.

I have to say, it gave me pause.

In my early days here, I only now recalled, I had, yes, for a brief period, understood myself to be—

roger bevins iii

But then you saw the truth. Saw that you moved around, and spoke, and thought, and that, therefore, must be merely sick, with some previously unknown malady, and could not possibly be—

hans vollman

It gave me pause.

roger bevins iii

I was good, the lad said. Or tried to be. I want to do good now. And go where I should. Where I should have gone in the first place. Father will not return here. And none of us will ever be allowed back to that previous place.

hans vollman

He was hopping with joy now, like a toddler too full of water.

Look, join me, he said. Everyone! Why stay? There’s nothing to it. We’re done. Don’t you see?

roger bevins iii

Purdy, Bark, and Ella Blow, within the window casement, went, in a triply blinding blast of the matterlightblooming phenomenon.

hans vollman

Followed quickly by Verna Blow, there below, unwilling to endure (as she had been made to endure, for so long, in that previous place) an existence without her mother.

roger bevins iii

I knew it! the lad shouted. I knew something was off with me!

hans vollman

His flesh seemed thin as parchment; tremors ran through his body.

roger bevins iii

His form (as sometimes happens to those about to go) began flickering between the various selves he had been in that previous place: purple newborn, squalling naked infant, jelly-faced toddler, feverish boy on sick-bed.

hans vollman

Then, with no change in size at all (i.e., while still child-sized), he displayed his various future -forms (forms he had, alas, never succeeded in attaining):

Nervous young man in wedding-coat;

Naked husband, wet-groined with recent pleasure;

Young father leaping out of bed to light a candle at a child’s cry;

Grieving widower, hair gone white;

Bent ancient fellow with an ear trumpet, athwart a stump, swatting at flies.

roger bevins iii

All the while seeming quite innocent of these alterations.

hans vollman

Oh, it was nice, he said sadly. So nice there. But we can’t go back. To how we were. All we can do is what we should.

roger bevins iii

Then, drawing a deep breath, closing his eyes—

hans vollman

He went.

roger bevins iii

The lad went.

hans vollman

Never before had Mr. Vollman or I been so proximate to the matterlightblooming phenomenon and its familiar, but always bone-chilling, firesound.

roger bevins iii

The resulting explosion knocked us off our feet.

hans vollman

Squinting up from the floor, we caught a brief last glimpse of the pale baby-face, a pair of anticipation-fisted hands, an arched little back.

roger bevins iii

And he was gone.

hans vollman

His little gray suit lingering behind for the briefest instant.

roger bevins iii

I am Willie I am Willie I am even yet

Am not

Willie

Not willie but somehow

Less

More

All is Allowed now All is allowed me now All is allowed lightlightlight me now

Getting up out of bed and going down to the party, allowed

Candy bees, allowed

Chunks of cake, allowed!

Punch (even rum punch), allowed!

Let that band play louder!

Swinging from the chandelier, allowed; floating up to ceiling, allowed; going to window to have a look out, allowed allowed allowed!

Flying out window, allowed, allowed (the entire laughing party of guests happily joining behind me, urging me to please, yes, fly away) (saying oh, he feels much better now, he does not seem sick at all!)!

Whatever that former fellow (willie) had, must now be given back (is given back gladly) as it never was mine (never his) and therefore is not being taken away, not at all!

As I (who was of willie but is no longer (merely) of willie) return

To such beauty.

willie lincoln

There in his seat, Mr. Lincoln startled.

roger bevins iii

Like a schoolboy jolting suddenly awake in class.

hans vollman

Looked around.

roger bevins iii

Momentarily unsure, it seemed, of where he was.

hans vollman

Then got to his feet and made for the door.

roger bevins iii

The lad’s departure having set him free.

hans vollman

So quickly did he move that he passed through us before we could step aside.

roger bevins iii

And again, briefly, we knew him.

hans vollman

His boy was gone; his boy was no more.

hans vollman

His boy was nowhere; his boy was everywhere.

roger bevins iii

There was nothing here for him now.

hans vollman

His boy was no more here than anyplace else, that is. There was nothing special, anymore, about this place.

roger bevins iii

His continued presence here was wrong; was wallowing.

hans vollman

His having come here at all a detour and a weakness.

roger bevins iii

His mind was freshly inclined toward sorrow; toward the fact that the world was full of sorrow; that everyone labored under some burden of sorrow; that all were suffering; that whatever way one took in this world, one must try to remember that all were suffering (none content; all wronged, neglected, overlooked, misunderstood), and therefore one must do what one could to lighten the load of those with whom one came into contact; that his current state of sorrow was not uniquely his, not at all, but, rather, its like had been felt, would yet be felt, by scores of others, in all times, in every time, and must not be prolonged or exaggerated, because, in this state, he could be of no help to anyone and, given that his position in the world situated him to be either of great help or great harm, it would not do to stay low, if he could help it.

hans vollman

All were in sorrow, or had been, or soon would be.

roger bevins iii

It was the nature of things.