Ever Dundas - Goblin

The Idiot got up out of the dirt where he lay next to the crushed spider and I wished he was the one that had his legs pulled off and was all crushed, but he wasn’t, he was alive and telling me how he’d see Tom and tell him I’d pummelled him, and you know what? I didn’t even care.

‘I don’t care,’ I said.

It was true. At that moment, I’d stopped caring about having pretend parents, because the love of my life hated me and thought I was an idiot just like this Idiot in the dirt. I was about to kick him until he was all broken when old Mrs Bellhaven came over and said, ‘I saw it all. That girl is trouble.’

She helped him up and marched him off.

‘Don’t you worry,’ she said. ‘I saw everything.’

I just sank into the dirt with the spider, stupefied, not knowing what was what anymore.

‘My angel,’ I said and stroked the spider corpse, covering it with dirt like it was a grave.

It was then I started reading Revelation like mad. I was all fire and brimstone, I was all little goblin plague and blood.

I learned to swim in the sea.

But not for months yet, and not a word was said to my Revelation angel. Winter was hard. Knee deep in snow and my chores became doubly difficult. We got through the winter with only a couple of deaths, a chicken and an old sheep, and I worked hard at home and at school and Tom was pleased with me, I could tell he was, but I can tell you something for certain – I was glad for spring. Long warm evenings playing with Corporal Pig in the woods and a summer holiday stretching out ahead with no schoolwork, only chores and roaming here and there when I’d done my bit.

In April we had an Easter gathering in the church hall after the service and it was then I realised I’d missed my birthday in March. I was ten-years-old and I hadn’t even noticed, so to mark it I got a hold of a big slice of cake and said, ‘Happy very belated birthday to me myself,’ and I was just minding my own business stuffing cake into my mouth when I heard the words ‘Greedy London rat.’

That’s what the old Snap-dragon called me. I pushed all the cake in, trying to chew, crumbs spilling on the floor.

‘No manners.’

I knew she was right, I knew I couldn’t swallow the cake, I knew I was choking and I knew she had no manners either so I spat the cake on her feet and ran like I had a spitfire up my arse.

That was the day I learned to swim in the sea and became best friends with Angel.

I ran to the back of the church hall, poking my head round the corner to see if the Snap-dragon was following me, but she wasn’t. I knew I’d be in all kinds of trouble later, but right then I didn’t care. It was worth it to see the look on her bloated snooty face.

‘Hey, London Rat.’

I almost jumped right out of my goblin-skin with fright. When I turned round and saw who it was I was so embarrassed that I almost fell over but I stood straight as can be and stared at her with my eyes narrowed, trying to pretend like I was oh-so-cool but inside I was churning, my tummy growling with nerves.

‘Well, that was a disaster,’ is surely what Queen Isabella would have helpfully pointed out and I could just see Amelia nodding in agreement.

‘You really stuck it to that stinking old Mrs Carter, didn’t you?’

She thought I was some kind of hero, spitting that cake at the Snap-dragon. She cocked her head at me.

‘You’ll get a hiding for that, for sure.’

I gawped at her. She was tiny and her hair was as black as the midnight Cornish sky. When it shone in the sun, her hair sparkled like glittering stars.

‘Are you dumb or something?’

I said, ‘Maybe you’re an angel or a Martian.’

Her eyes popped wide and she said, ‘You’re daft.’

I said her name was Angel. She said I was a silly London rat. I said I’m not a rat, I’m a goblin and anyway, you’re a London rat too. She said, ‘Angel is a stupid name.’ I said, ‘But you’re not like some boring old angel all in white on a cloud playing a harp. You’re one of those angels like in Revelation who doesn’t let people away with sins like torturing spiders, an angel who rains fire and blood down on people.’

She looked at me, cocking her head again, narrowing her eyes. She didn’t say anything and I felt uncomfortable, so I just said, for no reason really, just for something to say, ‘“Rats” backwards is “Star”,’ and she shrugged and she said, ‘Goblin-Rat-Star? Let’s go on an adventure.’

‘Angel?’ I said, ‘I was born for adventure,’ like some terrible Hollywood line out of a cowboy film, and I blushed, but I was pleased. She was my friend. We walked through the forest and I said, ‘Where’re we going?’

She looked at me with hooded eyes and said, ‘Stupid Rat, we’re going to the sea.’

I got huffy and said, ‘Well, how would I know?’ though inside I thought I might explode. I was going to the sea with my Angel. What could be better than that?

She said, ‘This is the path to the sea, stupid. How long have you been here? You not been to the sea yet?’

I thought, who you calling stupid, and was about to say ‘Who you calling stupid?’ but I didn’t because I was trying to be all good and nice and not mess things up and I thought I could impress her later with all my stories, all the stories from Pigeon and the bible and the books I’d read and I could scare her with stories of Queen Isabella and her pulsing heart and I thought in my head how we would be on the beach and it would be getting dark and I’d scare her and she’d cuddle into me to stay safe and I liked that thought even though I knew it probably wouldn’t happen because she was some sort of angel of death or war or pestilence and I’m sure they don’t get scared by ghost stories.

I said, ‘I’ve not been to the sea. Tom keeps us working on the farm or hunting in the woods and he wouldn’t take us. But he said we’d be going fishing soon.’

She didn’t say anything. She just hit at the grass with a stick, like she hadn’t even heard me. I was going to tell her how I was good at hunting, ‘I’m a shit-hot shot,’ I was going to say, but I thought it might not impress her if she didn’t like the killing of spiders maybe she wouldn’t like that I shot rabbits but we have to eat and I have to help Tom or I’d be out on my ear but I kept quiet just in case. I was getting all in a tangle in my head and not appreciating the walk at all, my palms all sweaty and my mood turning so that I was frowning like mad and suddenly she turned to me and was about to say something and stopped, seeing me look like I was crazy angry about something, my face all twisted up. I tried to turn all happy but turned contorted and probably looked like I was grimacing. It was exhausting being in love.

‘What’s eating at you?’ she said. ‘Don’t you want to go on an adventure?’

‘I do! I’m just—’

‘I’m not wasting my time on some old misery guts.’

I thought I might just collapse then and there but I thought, Goblin-runt, get out of your bloody head. Stop thinking so much. That’s what David would say. Getting all caught up in tangled thoughts and look how it turns out, all back to front.

So I came out of my head and I said, ‘I’ve never been to the sea. Are there mermaids and pirates? My brother said there was.’

She looked at me, laughed and ran off ahead.

‘Mermaids and pirates!’ she shouted back. ‘Let’s find out!’

I ran after her, yelling a battle cry.

There it was, sparkling in the sun. Angel had already kicked off her shoes and was splashing around. I just gaped. There weren’t any pirates or mermaids, no anyone except us. Cliffs slanted up into the afternoon sun, gulls floated overhead and trundled along the beach, squawking. Angel ran back onto the sand and threw off her clothes. She ran into the oncoming waves and disappeared. I was anxious and jealous. Her head bobbed up and she waved at me.