Ever Dundas - Goblin

‘Sir Knight Stevie, Saviour of the Realm, Preventer of Rat Plague and Capturer of Fat German Bastards.’

He puffed out his skinny chest.

‘I salute thee,’ I said.

They both stood to attention.

‘I salute thee,’ they chorused.

‘But first we’ll leave Ruby at old Mrs Summers’ house.’

‘I thought you were going to bury her.’

‘I’m going to leave her on Mrs Summers’ step so she sees what the Nazis have done to her Ruby.’

I went into Mrs Summers’ garden, Mac and Stevie keeping Devil outside the gate so he wouldn’t make a fuss. I laid her down on the top step and said a short lizard prayer.

‘We’ll get those Nazi bastards,’ I said to Ruby. ‘I promise.’

I joined Mac, Devil and Stevie and we raised our sticks and ran for the worksite, yelling. On the way I saw my neighbour Miss Campbell in her garden with her dog Betty. I ran up to her gate.

‘Keep her safe, Miss Campbell!’ I yelled. ‘There’s Nazis killing the pets. You keep Betty safe.’

Miss Campbell looked startled as we ran by. The streets were emptying as the blackout darkness approached. By the time we reached our den we were tired out and the fat German bastard was gone. The fire had been extinguished and most of the animals had been thrown into a pit. Stevie looked sick.

‘I thought it was a story,’ he said. ‘I thought Ruby had been hit by a car or something.’

‘We told you the Germans had come,’ I said, and he nodded, looking up at me like he was just a little frightened kid. And he was. That’s all he was, all we should have been.

‘Come on, we’ll hunt the fat German bastard, we’ll hunt him down.’

I persuaded Stevie but I was deflated. I wanted to be back home, curled up on my bed, watching David smoke, listening to his records. I knew the fat German bastard must have gone and we should be gone too but I turned it into a game, another adventure story.

‘C’mon, Stevie.’

We heard voices coming from beyond the animal pit, behind a mound of rubble.

‘The Nazis,’ I said. ‘They’re still here.’

Stevie fidgeted, looking over to the worksite exit, barely visible as the sky darkened.

‘Creep,’ I said. ‘We’ll creep and sneak! Like spies, we’ll sneak up on the Nazis and we’ll capture them.’

Mac nodded, clasping his stick.

‘Ssssshhh!’ I said to Devil. ‘We’re being spies.’

He got down on his belly, mimicking us.

I knew Stevie wouldn’t come, so I said, ‘Stevie, you be lookout, okay? You just stay right here and you be lookout.’

He nodded, and we hunched down flat, creeping along the ground, Devil huffing by my side. We crept past the animal pit and round the mound and there they were, five Nazis.

I raised the camera and we fell like Alice down the rabbit hole tumbling in the darkness hail thee O lizards in the darkness in the depths hail thee who art in the darkness. In a moment, in a second, with a click, it was over.

Edinburgh, 16 July 2011

The phone rings and rings and rings and there’s Queen Isabella but she isn’t there she’s in London you’re in London not here not here in this room all shadows and dim orange light. I search the whole house on my hands and knees checking under beds in cupboards no whisky no whisky here or there and I lie on the floor watching spectre-Monsta, kerlumpscratch, kerlumpscratch, pretty monsta dead thing but you’re not here you’re in London buried dug up tagged and filed. You’re not here, Monsta, you’re evidence. I spy with my little eye in the darkness in the depths red wine buried in a cupboard and I feed myself one glass two and three. Back to my desk and here I sit and here I say I’m sorry Devil I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.

London, 6 September 1939

I was trying to stem the blood flow and I needed to get away.

As I’d clicked the shutter there was a loud bang and I fell back as if slugged, unsure what I’d seen, unsure what had happened. Devil barked furiously and there were two bangs one after the other, a strangled whine on the final blast. I scrambled up and saw Devil on the ground. I thought it was the sound that had sent him flat and was about to call him and run when I saw he was leaking red. I heard yells and the sound of rubble scattering, but the muddy light made it difficult to see and all I knew was that I needed to get Devil somewhere safe.

I hoisted him into my arms, holding him tight to my chest and I floated like the Martians, with ease and precision. The rubble was no obstacle. I knew my way through this land in the darkness. I knew it better than anyone. It was Devil who had given me our way out the day we played Frankenstein’s monsta, Martians and Nazis with Mac and Stevie. He’d disappeared, following the rat as I lay impaled on that spike.

I found the spike and I twisted round, falling on my arse and sliding feet first through the hole I’d seen Devil disappear into that day.

You saved us, I said. You’ve saved us both. It’ll all be alright.

I laid him down and pulled off my shirt, my hand gliding across his body, sliding through the blood. I tied the shirt around him, laying my hand across it, willing the bleeding to stop. I could feel his faint heartbeat. We were in the darkness, our protection, our realm, the kingdom of the lizards. Hail thee O lizards hail thee in thy kingdom down below.

You can’t leave me, Devil.

The heartbeat stopped and I laid my head on his chest. I felt the blood on my skin, still warm; it soaked into my hair. I lay there until his body was cold. I held onto his paw and stroked the pads.

Hail thee O lizards carry upon thy river thy servant, hail thee O lizards carry upon thy river thy servant. In repetition I fell into sleep and woke into a pointless rage. It was useless, I was useless. Everything was gone from me.

I held him in one arm, hooked around his neck, his body flopping like Ruby. I was taking him to Kensal Green Cemetery. We broke out into the early morning light, bloodied monsters from below. I didn’t look at him, I just held him to my chest. I didn’t look to where the Nazis had been. I didn’t need to see anything more, for everything was gone from me, everything was to be buried, disappeared.

I found him a corner in the cemetery. It caught the sun in the afternoon. He used to sit there until the heat was too much and we’d clamber over the wall and he’d cool off in the canal.

I dug a hole. I kissed his head, nuzzling in behind his ear. He didn’t smell of anything anymore. I placed him in the hole and showered him with pennies and sweets and ma’s old lipsticks, treasures and gifts for the lizards below. I emptied out the treasure box and put the camera inside, placing it next to Devil. I covered him with earth, saying my lizard prayers. I lit candles. I cried for hours and fell asleep on the grave.

I woke up, pulled David’s bear out from amongst the discarded treasures and cut its head off. I cut off its stubby arms and legs. I cut the head off the shrew Pigeon had given me and I carefully sewed it on to the bear body. It was squint and too small for the body but it was done and my sewing was good. I rummaged through the rest of the treasures and found the dried worms and the crow foot. I sewed the worms into both arm sockets and attached the crow foot into one of the leg sockets with wire and thread. I found a doll’s leg for the other side of the body. With wire and thread I sat hunched, attaching pigeon wings to its back. The wings were joined by part of the spine, each wing still beautiful with perfect feathers. When I finished I inspected my creation and wrapped it in bandages.

The day had gone. My belly was growling. I chewed on sweets and walked deep into the cemetery, finding apples and berries. I held the bundle, looking for the perfect spot. I found a grand gravestone, sheltered by trees, and I knelt, lighting two candles at the base. I laid the bundle down and began to dig.