Philippa Gregory - The Queen's Fool

I did not wait for dawn. As soon as I heard the court settle to their dinner, I put on my dark green livery, my new riding boots, my cape and my cap. I took my little knapsack from my box and put in it the missal the queen had once given me, and the wages I had from the Exchequer, in their little purse. I owned nothing else, not even after three years of service at court — I had not lined my pockets as I could have done.

I crept down the side stairs and hesitated at the entrance to the great hall. I could hear the familiar sound of the household at dinner, the buzz of conversation and the occasional shout of laughter, the higher voices of the women seated at the far end of the hall, the scrape of knife on trencher, the clink of bottle on cup. They were the sounds of my life for the past three years, I could not believe that this was no longer my home, my haven. I could not believe that this was increasingly the most dangerous place for me to be.

I closed my eyes for a moment, longing for the gift of Sight, that I might know what I should do for my own safety. But it was not the Sight that decided me, it was my oldest fear. Someone had burned something in the kitchen and the scent of scorched meat suddenly blew into the hall with a running servant. For a moment I was not at the queen’s dinner hall, smelling roasted meat, I was in the town square of Aragon, and the scent of a burning woman was making the air stink as she screamed in horror at the sight of her own blackening legs.

I turned on my heel and dashed out of the door, careless of who saw me. I headed for the river, as my quickest and least noticeable route into the city. I went down to the landing stage and waited for a boat to come by.

I had forgotten the fears of Mary’s court, now that the Spanish were openly hated and Mary had lost the love of her people. There were four soldiers on the landing stage and another dozen of them on guard along the riverbank. I had to smile and pretend I was sneaking out for a secret meeting with a lover.

“But what’s your fancy?” one of the young soldiers jeered. “Dressed like a boy but a voice like a maid? How d’you choose, my pet? What sort of a thing d’you like?”

I was spared having to find an answer by a boat swinging across the current and bringing a group of London citizens to court.

“Are we too late? Is she still dining?” a fat woman at the front of the boat demanded as they helped her on to the landing stage.

“She’s still dining,” I said.

“Under the canopy of state and all?” she specified.

“As she should be,” I confirmed.

She smiled with satisfaction. “I’ve never seen it before, though I’ve often promised myself the pleasure of seeing her,” she said. “Do we just walk in?”

“There is the entrance to the great hall,” I directed her. “There are soldiers on the door but they will let you and your family pass. May I take your boat? I want to go to the city.”

She waved the boatman away. “But come back for us,” she said to him.

I stepped into the rocking boat and waited till we were out of earshot before directing him to the steps at The Fleet. I did not want the court guards to know where I was going.

Once again I came down the road to our shop at a reluctant dawdle. I wanted to see that the place was untouched before I approached it. Suddenly, I came to an abrupt standstill. To my horror, as I turned the corner I could see that it had been broken and entered. The door was thrown wide open, the dark entrance was lit with a flickering light as two men, three men moved about inside. Outside waited a great wagon with two horses. The men were taking away great barrels of goods, I recognized the packed manuscripts that we had stored away when my father left, and I knew they would be evidence enough to hang me twice over.

I shrank back into a dark doorway and pulled my cap down low over my face. If they had found the barrels of manuscripts then they would also have found the boxes of forbidden books. We would be named as purveyors of heresy. There would be a price on our heads. I had better turn and head back for the river and get myself on a ship to Calais as soon as I could, for my father and I were baked meats if we were found in London.

I was just about to slide backward into the alley when one of the shadows inside the shop came out with a big box and loaded it into the back of the wagon. I paused, waiting for him to go back into the shop and leave the street clear for me to make my escape when something about him made me pause. Something about the profile was familiar, the scholar’s bend of the shoulders, the thinness of his frame below his worn cape.

I felt my heart thud with hope and fear but I did not step out until I was sure. Then the two other men came out, carrying a well-wrapped piece of the printing press. The man in front was our next-door neighbor, and the man carrying the other end was my betrothed, Daniel. At once I realized that they were packing up the shop and we were not yet discovered.

“Father! My father!” I cried out softly, and sprang from the dark doorway into the shadowy street.

His head jerked up at the sound of my voice and his arms opened wide. I was in his embrace in a moment, feeling his warm strong arms wrapped around me, hugging me as if he would never let me go again.

“Hannah, my daughter, my girl,” he said, kissing the top of my head. “Hannah, my daughter, mi querida!”

I looked up into his face, worn and older than I remembered, and saw him too tracing my features. We both spoke at once:

“I got your letter, are you in danger?”

“Father, are you well? I am so glad…”

We laughed. “Tell me first,” he said. “Are you in danger? We have come for you.”

I shook my head. “Thank God,” I said. “They arrested me for heresy, but I was released.”

At my words, he glanced quickly around. I thought anyone in England would have known him for a Jew now, that furtive ever-guilty glance of the People with no home and no welcome among strangers.

Daniel crossed the cobbled street, strode over the drain and came to an abrupt halt before us.

“Hannah,” he said awkwardly.

I did not know what to reply. The last time we had met I had freed him from his betrothal to me with a burst of venom, and he had kissed me as if he wanted to bite me. Then he had written the most passionate letter imaginable and we were engaged to marry once more. I had summoned him to save me, by rights he should have something more from me than a downturned face and a mumbled: “Hello, Daniel.”

“Hello,” he said, equally inadequate.

“Let’s go into the shop,” my father said, casting another cautious glance up and down the street. He led me over the threshold and shut the door behind us. “We were packing up here and then Daniel was going to fetch you. Why are you here?”

“I was running away from court,” I said. “I didn’t dare wait for you to come. I was coming to you.”

“Why?” Daniel asked. “What has happened?”

“They are arresting men for plotting to overthrow the queen,” I said. “Cardinal Pole is making the inquiry and I am afraid of him. I thought he would discover where I had come from, or…” I broke off.

Daniel’s glance at me was acute. “Were you involved in the plot?” he asked abruptly.

“No,” I said. “Not really.”

At his hard skeptical look I flushed red.

“I was involved enough,” I admitted.

“Thank God we are here then,” he said. “Have you dined?”

“I’m not hungry,” I said. “I can help to pack.”

“Good, for we have a ship that leaves on the one o’clock tide.”

I slipped off the printer’s stool and set to work with Daniel, my father, and our next-door neighbor, carrying the boxes and barrels and pieces of the press to the wagon. The horses stood still and quiet. One woman threw up her window and asked us what we were doing and our neighbor went and told her that at last the shop was to be let and the old bookseller’s rubbish was being cleared away.