George Fenn - Lady Maude's Mania

“Oh, this is dreadful,” panted her ladyship. “My dear young friend, I should have been too happy to give my consent, but dear Maude is as good as engaged to Mr Melton.”

“The doose she is,” said Sir Grantley, dropping his glass and looking blankly at his companion.

“Oh, yes,” exclaimed her ladyship, applying her scent bottle to her delicate nostrils. “I thought you must have seen it.”

“Humph! doosid provoking, don’t you know,” said Sir Grantley, calmly. “Made up my mind at last, and now too late.”

“I am so – so – sorry,” sighed her ladyship.

“Can’t be helped. I did mean to propose the week before last, but had to see my doctor. Melton, eh? Doosid poor, isn’t he?”

“Oh, really, Sir Grantley, I know nothing about Mr Melton’s prospects, but he is a Mowbray Melton, and a wealthy cousin is childless, and not likely to many.”

“What, Dick Mowbray? Married last week.”

“Mr Melton’s cousin?”

“To be sure he did, Lady Barmouth; and besides, Charley Melton is one of the younger branch. Poor as Job.”

He made as if to rise, but her ladyship laid her hand upon his arm.

“Stop a moment,” she exclaimed. “This is a serious matter, Sir Grantley, and it must be cleared up.”

“Don’t say a word about it, please,” he replied, with some trepidation.

“I shall not say a word,” replied her ladyship; “but you are under a mistake, Sir Grantley. Mr Melton has a handsome private income.”

“Where from?” replied the baronet. “His father has not a rap.”

“Then he has magnificent expectations.”

“Did he tell you this?” said Sir Grantley, screwing his glass very tightly into his eye.

“N-no,” said her ladyship. “There, I will be frank with you, Sir Grantley. You are a gentleman, and I can trust you.”

“I hope so,” he replied, stiffly.

“The fact is,” said her ladyship, “seeing that there was a growing intimacy between my daughter and Mr Melton, who is the son of an old Eton schoolfellow of Lord Barmouth, I made some inquiries.”

“Yas?” said Sir Grantley.

“And I understood Lord Barmouth to say that he would be a most eligible parti for our dearest child.”

“Oh, indeed,” said Sir Grantley, carefully examining the sit of one leg of his trousers.

Lady Barmouth stared at the speaker, and then shut her scent bottle with a loud snap.

“If she has deceived me – tricked me over this,” thought her ladyship, “I will never forgive her.”

“But has Mr Melton professed this to you?” said Sir Grantley, staring at the change which had come over his proposed mother-in-law. For the sweet smile was gone, and her thin lips were drawn tightly over her teeth: not a dimple was to be seen, and a couple of dark marks came beneath her eyes.

“No,” she said, shortly; and there was a great deal of acidity in her tone. “I must say he has not. But I must inquire into this. I trusted implicitly in what my husband, who knew his father intimately, had said. Will you join the croquet party, Sir Grantley?” she continued, forcing back her sweetest smile.

“Yas, oh yas, with pleasure. Charmed,” said Sir Grantley; and they rose and walked towards the croquet lawn.

“Dear Sir Grantley,” said her ladyship, speaking once more with her accustomed sweetness, “this is a private matter between ourselves. You will not let it influence your visit?”

“Not at all.”

“I mean, you will not let it shorten your stay?”

“Oh, no – not at all,” he replied. “Charmed to stay, I’m sure. Shan’t break my heart, don’t you know. Try to bear the disappointment.”

Five minutes later her ladyship had left Sir Grantley on the lawn, and gone off in the direction of Lord Barmouth, who saw her coming and beat a retreat, but her ladyship cut him off and met him face to face.

“Tryphie,” said Tom to his little cousin, “there’s a row cooking.”

“Yes,” she replied, sending her ball with straight aim through a hoop. “I saw it coming. I hope it is nothing about Maude; she seems so happy.”

“Hang me if I don’t think it is,” said Tom. “I’m going off directly, for the old girl’s started to wig the governor, I’m certain. I shall go and back him up after giving my mallet to Wilters. Don’t make me madly jealous.”

“Why not?” she replied, mischievously.

“And be careful not to hit his legs,” said Tom. “They’d break like reeds. – Wilters, will you take my mallet? I want to go.”

“Charmed, I’m shaw,” said Sir Grantley, bowing, and being thus introduced to the game, while Tom lit a cigarette and slipped away.

Meanwhile Lady Barmouth had captured her husband as he was moving off, followed closely by Charley Melton’s ugly dog, which no sooner saw her than he lowered his tail, dropped his head, and walked under a clump of Portugal laurel out of the way.

“Barmouth,” said her ladyship, taking him into custody, like a plump social policeman, “I want to speak to you.”

“Certainly, my dear,” he said, mildly. “What is it?”

“About this Mr Charles Melton. What income has he?”

“Well, my dear,” said the old gentleman, “I don’t believe he has any beyond a little allowance from his father, who is very poor.”

“And his expectations,” said her ladyship, sharply. “He has great expectations, has he not?”

“I – I – I don’t think he has, my love,” said the old man; “but he’s a doosed fine, manly young fellow, and I like him very much indeed.”

“But you told me that he had great prospects.”

“No, my dear, you said you had heard that he had. I remember it quite well.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Barmouth,” exclaimed her ladyship. “Listen to me.”

“Yes, my dear,” he said, looking at her nervously, and then stooping to rub his leg, an act she stopped by giving his hand a smart slap.

“How can you be so offensive,” she cried, in a low angry voice; “it is quite disgusting. Listen to me.”

“Yes, my dear.”

“I went to see Lady Merritty about this matter, and Lady Rigby.”

“About my gout, my dear?”

“Do you wish to make me angry, Barmouth?”

“No, my dear.”

“I went to see her about this young man – this Melton, and Lady Merritty told me she believed he had most brilliant expectations. But I’ll be even with her for this. Oh, it was too bad!”

“What’s the matter?” said Tom, joining them.

“Matter!” cried the irate woman. “Why, evidently to gratify some old spite, that wretched woman, Lady Merritty, has been palming off upon us this Mr Melton as a millionaire, and on the strength of it all I have encouraged him here, and only just now refused an offer made by Sir Grantley Wilters. A beggar! An upstart!”

“Bravo, mother!” cried Tom, enthusiastically. “So he is, a contemptible, weak-kneed, supercilious beggar. I hate him.”

“Hate him?” said her ladyship. “Why, you always made him your greatest friend.”

“What, old Wilters?” cried Tom.

“Stuff! This Melton,” retorted her ladyship.

“Bah!” exclaimed Tom. “I meant that thin weedy humbug, Wilters.”

“And I meant that wretched impostor, Melton,” cried her ladyship, angrily.

“Look here, mother,” cried Tom. “Charley Melton is my friend, and he is here at your invitation. Let me tell you this: if you insult him, if I don’t go bang out on the croquet lawn and kick Wilters. Damme, that I will.”

“He’s a brave dashing young fellow, my son Tom,” said his lordship to himself. “I wish I dared – ”

“Barmouth,” moaned her ladyship, “help me to the house. My son, to whom I should look for support, turns upon his own mother. Alas, that I should live to see such a day!”