Alfred Lewis - Sandburrs and Others

The panther was sprawled flat like a rug, staring at me with green eyes. I had broken his back, as Bob said. As I brought the Winchester to my face, his gaze gave way. He turned his head as if to hide it between his shoulder and the wall. I was too near to talk of missing, even in the dim light, and the next instant he was hiccoughing with a bullet in his brain. Six and one-half feet from nose to tip was the measurement; whereof the tail, which these creatures grow foolishly long, furnished almost one-half.

It was clear and cold and dry – excellent weather, indeed, for a snowless Christmas. Everywhere one witnessed evidences of the season. One met more gay clothes than usual, with less of anxiety and an increase of smiling peace in the faces. Each window had its wreath of glistening green, whereof the red ribbon bow, that set off the garland, seemed than common a deeper and more ardent red. Or was the elevation in the faces, and the greenness of the wreaths, and the vivid sort of the ribbon, due to impressions, impalpable yet positive, of Christmas everywhere?

All about was Christmas. Even our Baxter Street doggery had attempted something in the nature of a bowl of dark, suspicious drink, to which the barkeeper – he was a careless man of his nomenclature, this barkeeper – gave the name of “apple toddy.” Apple toddy it might have been.

When Chucky came in, an uncertain shuffle which was company to his rather solid tread showed he was not alone. I looked up. Our acquaintance, Mollie Matches, expert pickpocket, – now helpless and broken, all his one time jauntiness of successful crime gone, – was with him.

“It was lonesome over be me joint,” vouchsafed Chucky, “wit’ me Bundle chased over to do her reg’lar anyooal confession to d’ priest, see! an’ so I fought youse wouldn’t mind an’ I bring Mollie along. Me old pal is still a bit shaky as to his hooks,” remarked Chucky, as he surveyed his tremulous companion, “an’ a sip of d’ booze wouldn’t do him no harm. It ain’t age; Mollie’s only come sixty spaces; it’s that Hum-min’ Boid about which I tells youse, that’s knocked his noive.”

Drinks were ordered; whiskey strong and straight for Matches. No; I’ve no apology for buying these folk drink. “Drink,” observed Johnson to the worthy Boswell, “drink, for one thing, makes a man pleased with himself, which is no small matter.” Heaven knows! my shady companions, for the reason announced by the sagacious doctor, needed something of the sort. Besides, I never molest my fellows in their drinking. I’ve slight personal use for breweries, distilleries, or wine presses; and gin mills in any form or phase woo me not; yet I would have nothing of interference with the cups of other men. In such behalf, I feel not unlike that fat, well-living bishop of Westminster who refused to sign a memorial to Parliament craving strict laws in behalf of total abstinence. “No,” said that sound priest, stoutly, “I will sign no such petition to Parliament. I want no such law. I would rather see Englishmen free than sober.”

It took five deep draughts of liquor, ardently raw, to put Matches in half control of his hands. What with the chill of the day, and what with the torn condition of his nerves, they shook like the oft-named aspen.

“Them don’t remind a guy,” said Matches, as he held up his quivering fingers, “of a day, twenty-five years ago, when I was d’ pick of d’ swell mob, an ‘d’ steadiest grafter that ever ringed a watch or weeded a leather! It would be safe for d’ Chief to take me mug out of d’ gallery now, an’ rub d’ name of Mollie Matches off d’ books. Me day is done, an’ I’ll graft no more.”

There was plaintiveness in the man’s tones as if he were mourning some virtue, departed with his age and weakness. Clearly Matches, off his guard and normal, found no peculiar fault with his past.

“How came you to be a thief?” I asked Matches bluntly. I had counted the sixth drink down his throat, which meant that he wouldn’t be sensitive.

“It’s too far off to say,” retorted Matches. “I can’t t’row back to d’ time when I wasn’t a crook. Do youse want to know d’ foist trick I loined? Well, it wasn’t t’ree blocks from here, over be d’ Bowery. I couldn’t be more’n five. There was a fakir, sellin’ soap. There was spec’ments of d’ long green all over his stand, wit’ cakes of soap on ‘em, to draw d’ suckers. Standin’ be me side was a kid; Danny d’ Face dey called him. He was bigger than me, an’ so I falls to his tips, see!”

“‘When you see him toin round,’ said Danny d’ Face, ‘swipe a bill, an’ chase yourself up d’ alley wit’ it.’

“Danny goes behint, an’ does a sneak on d’ fakir’s leg wit’ a pin. Of course, he toins an’ cuts loose a bluff at Danny, who’s ducked out of reach. As he toins, up goes me small mit, an’ d’ nex’ secont I’m sprintin’ up d’ alley wit ‘d’ swag.

“Nit; d’ mug wit’ d’ soap don’t chase. He never even makes a holler; I don’t t’ink he caught on. But Danny cuts in after me, an ‘d’ minute he sees we ain’t bein’ followed, or piped, he gives me d’ foot, t’rows me in a heap, an’ grabs off d’ bill. I don’t get a smell of it. An ‘d’ toad skin’s a fiver at that!

“D’ foist real graft I recalls,” continued Matches, as he took a meditative sip of the grog, “I’m goin’ along wit’ an old fat skirt, called Mother Worden, to Barnum’s Museum down be Ann Street an’ Broadway. Mebbe I’m seven or eight then. Mother Worden used to make up for d’ respectable, see! an’ our togs was out of sight. There was no flies on us when me an’ Mother Worden went fort’ to graft. What was d’ racket? Pickin’ women’s pockets. Mother Worden would go to d’ museum, or wherever there was a crush, an’ lead me about be me mit. She’d steer me up to some loidy, an’ let on she’s lookin’ at whatever d’ other party has her lamps on. Meanwhile, I’m shoved in between d’ brace of ‘em, an’ that’s me cue to dip in wit’ me free hook an’ toin out d’ loidy’s pocket, see! An’ say! it was a peach of a play; an’ a winner. We used to take in funerals, an’ theaytres, an’ wherever there was a gang. Me an’ Mother Worden was d’ whole t’ing; there was nobody’s bit to split out; just us. We was d’ complete woiks.

“Now an’ then there was a squeal. Once in a while I’d bungle me stunt, an’ d’ loidy I was friskin’ would tumble an’ raise d’ yell. But Mother Worden always ‘pologised, an’ acted like she’s shocked, an’ cuffed me an’ t’umped me, see! an’ so she’d woik us free. I stood for d’ t’umpin’, an’ never knocked. Mother Worden always told me that if we was lagged, d’ p’lice guys would croak me. An’ as d’ wallopin’s she gives me was d’ real t’ing, – bein’ she was hot under d’ collar for me failin’ down wit’ me graft, – d’ folks used to believe her, an’ look on me fin in their pocket, that way, as d’ caper of a kid. Oh, d’ old woman Worden was dead flossy in her day, an’ stood d’ acid all right, all right, every time.

“But like it always toins out, she finds her finish. One day she makes a side-play on her own account, somethin’ in d’ shopliftin’ line, I t’ink; an’ she’s pinched, an’ takes six mont’s on d’ Island. I never sees her ag’in; at which I don’t break no record for weeps. She’s a boid, was Mother Worden; an’ dead tough at that. She don’t give me none d’ best of it when I’m wit’ her, an’ I’m glad, in a kid fashion, when she gets put away.

“That’s d’ start I gets. Some other time I’ll unfold to youse how I takes me name of Mollie Matches. Youse can hock your socks! I’ve seen d’ hot end of many an alley! I never chases be Trinity buryin’ ground, but I t’inks of a day when I pitched coppers on one of d’ tombstones, heads or tails, for a saw-buck, wit’ a party grown, before I was old enough an’ fly enough to count d’ dough we was tossin’ for. But we’ll pass all that up to-night. It’s gettin’ late an’ I’ll just put me frame outside another hooker an’ then I’ll hunt me bunk. I can’t set up, an’ booze an’ gab like I onct could; I ain’t neither d’ owl nor d’ tank I was.”