Talbot Reed - The Willoughby Captains

Bloomfield, if truth must be told, is as disinclined to get up as his fag has been; and Parson has almost to use personal violence before he can create an impression on his lord and master.

“What’s the time?” demands the senior.

“Six — that is, a second or two past,” replies Parson.

“Why didn’t you call me punctually?” asks Bloomfield, digging his nose comfortably into the pillow. “What do you mean by a second or two?”

“It’s only seven past,” says Parson, in an injured tone.

“Very well; go and see if Game’s up.”

Parson skulks off to rouse Game, knowing perfectly well that Bloomfield will be sound asleep again before he is out of the door, which turns out to be the case. After super-human efforts to extract from Game an assurance that he’s getting up that moment, and Parson needn’t wait, the luckless fag returns to find his master snoring like one of the seven sleepers. The same process has to be repeated. Shouts and shakes, and an occasional sly pinch, have no effect. Parson is tempted to leave his graceless lord to his fate, and betake himself to his French verbs; but a dim surmise as to the consequences prevents him. At last he braces himself up for one desperate effort. With a mighty tug he snatches the clothes off the bed, and, dragging with all his might at the arm of the obstinate hero, yells out, “I say, Bloomfield, it’s half-past six, and you wanted to be up at six. Get up!”

The effect of these combined efforts is that Bloomfield sits up in bed, rubbing his eyes, and demands, “Half-past six! Why didn’t you call me at six, you young cad, eh?”

“So I did.”

“Don’t tell crams. If you’d called me at six I should have been up, shouldn’t I?” exclaimed Bloomfield. “I tell you I did call you,” retorts the fag.

“Look here,” says Bloomfield, becoming alarmingly wide-awake, “I don’t want any of your cheek. Go and see if Game’s up, and then see if the boat’s ready. The tub-pair, mind; look sharp!”

“Please, Bloomfield,” says Parson, meekly, “do you mind if I get Parks to cox you? I’ve not looked at my Caesar yet, and I’ve got eight French verbs to do besides for Coates.”

“Do you hear me? Go and see if Game’s up,” replies Bloomfield. “If you choose not to do your work overnight, and get impositions for breaking rules into the bargain, it’s not my lookout, is it?”

“But I only went—” begins the unfortunate Parson.

“I’ll went you with the flat of a bat if you don’t cut,” shouts Bloomfield. Whereat his fag vanishes.

Game, of course, is fast asleep, but on him Parson has no notion of bestowing the pains he had devoted to Bloomfield. Finding the sleeper deaf to all his calls, he adopts the simple expedient of dipping the end of a towel in water and laying it neatly across the victim’s face, shouting in his ear at the same time, “Game, I say, Bloomfield’s waiting for you down at the boats.” Having delivered himself of which, he retreats rather hastily, and only just in time.

The row up the river that morning was rather pleasant than otherwise. When once they were awake the morning had its effect on the spirits of all three boys. Even Parson, sitting lazily in the stern, listening to the Sixth Form gossip of the two rowers, forgot about his Caesar and French verbs, and felt rather glad he had turned out after all.

The chief object of the present expedition was not pleasure by any means as far as Bloomfield and Game were concerned. It was one of a series of training practices in anticipation of the school regatta, which was to come off on the second of June, in which the rival four-oars of the three houses were to compete for the championship of the river. The second of June was far enough ahead at present, but an old hand like Bloomfield knew well that the time was all too short to lick his crew into shape. Parrett’s boat, by all ordinary calculation, ought to win, for they had a specially good lot of men this year; and now Wyndham had left, the schoolhouse boat would be quite an orphan. Bloomfield himself was far away the best oar left in Willoughby, and if he could only get Game to work off a little of his extra fat, and bully Tipper into reaching better forward, and break Ashley of his trick of feathering under water, he had a crew at his back which it would be hard indeed to beat. This morning he was taking Game in hand, and that substantial athlete was beginning to find out that “working off one’s extra fat” in a tub-pair on a warm summer morning is not all sport.

“I wonder if Tipper and Ashley will show, up,” said Bloomfield, who was rowing bow for the sake of keeping a better watch on his pupil. “They promised they would. Ashley, you know — (do keep it up, Game, you’re surely not blowed yet) — Ashley’s about as much too light as you are too fat — (try a little burst round the corner now; keep us well out, young ’un) — but if he’ll only keep his blade square till he’s out of the water — (there you go again! Of course you’re hot; that’s what I brought you out for. How do you suppose you’re to boil down to the proper weight unless you do perspire a bit?) — he’ll make a very decent bow. Ah, there are Porter and Fairbairn in the schoolhouse tub — (you needn’t stop rowing, Game; keep it up, man; show them how you can spurt). I never thought they’d try Porter in their boat. They might as well try Riddell. Just shows how hard-up they must be for men. How are you?” he cried, as the schoolhouse tub went clumsily past, both rowers looking decidedly nervous under the critical eye of the captain of Parrett’s.

Poor Game, who had been kept hard at it for nearly a mile, now fairly struck, and declared he couldn’t keep it up any longer, and as he had really done a very good spell of work, Bloomfield consented to land at the Willows and bathe; after which he and Game would run back, and young Parson might scull home the tub.

Which delightful plan Master Parson by no means jumped at. He had calculated on getting at least a quarter of an hour for his Caesar before morning chapel if they returned as they had come. But now, if he was expected to lug that great heavy boat back by himself, not only would he not get that, but the chances were he would get locked out for chapel altogether, and it would be no excuse that he had had to act as galley-slave for Bloomfield or anybody else.

“Look alive!” cries Bloomfield from the bank, where he is already stripped for his header. “And, by the way, on your way up go round to Chalker’s and tell him only to stick up one set of cricket nets in our court; don’t forget, now. Be quick; you’ve not too much time before chapel.”

Saying which, he takes a running dive from the bank and leaves the luckless Parson to boil over inwardly as he digs his sculls spitefully into the water and begins his homeward journey.

Was life worth living at this rate? If he didn’t tell Chalker about the nets that imbecile old groundsman would be certain to stick up half a dozen sets, and there’d be no end of a row. That was 7:30 striking now, and he had to be in the chapel at five minutes to eight, and Chalker’s hut was a long five minutes from the boat-house. And then those eight French verbs and that Caesar—

It was no use thinking about them, and Parson lashed out with his sculls, caring little if that hulking tub went to the bottom. He’d rather like it, in fact, for he wanted a swim. He hadn’t even had time to tub that morning, and it was certain there’d be no time now till goodness knew when — not till after second school, and then probably he’d be spending a pleasant half-hour in the doctor’s study.

At this point he became aware of another boat making down on him, manned by three juniors, who were making up in noise and splashing what they lacked in style and oarsmanship.