Robin Wasserman - Lust

“Kaia, what the fuck…?”

“What? You didn’t enjoy that? You didn’t want that?” she challenged him.

“Can you please lower your voice?” he whispered frantically. He peered around the edge of the locker-the room had pretty much emptied out, but a few swimmers still lingered, hoping for some excitement.

“Can you get out of here, guys?” he called out. “Come on, help me out here!”

He turned back to Kaia.

“What are you trying to do to me?” he asked in a low and urgent voice. He suddenly looked down and, realizing his chest was still bare, quickly pulled on a T-shirt, the thin white cotton clinging to his wet body. “It’s going to get back to Beth that you came looking for me here. She’ll freak.”

“To be honest, Adam, I don’t really care,” Kaia explained patiently. “And I’m not sure why you do, either.”

“Kaia, I’m in love with her,” he shouted in frustration. “You know that.You said you understood. That the whole thing, that other thing, was a mistake, that-”

“Forget what I said,” she cut in. Now she knew she’d done the right thing, shucking the good girl act and coming after him hard and fast. Being soft and subtle, giving him time to think and regret before he acted, would never have worked. She needed him to stop thinking and start acting . And for that, he needed to know exactly what was on the table-exactly what he would be passing up.

“It wasn’t a mistake,” she informed him. “When we were in that motel, I wanted you. Just like I want you now.” She placed a hand on the waistband of his jeans, then let it slide slowly downward. “And you can’t tell me you don’t want me, too.”

He shoved her away. Hard. She slammed into the lockers behind her with a crash. The shock of impact was mirrored on his face when he saw how hard he’d pushed her. But he shook it off, letting anger sweep over him again-and she was glad of it. Finally, some real, deep emotion breaking through that placid surface. Some passion. Kaia knew what that meant-it was only a matter of time. She couldn’t suppress the smile.

He saw the look on her face and shook his head violently, backing away.

“Forget it, Kaia,” he snapped, stuffing his belongings into his backpack as quickly as he could. “It doesn’t matter what you want, or what you think I want. It can’t happen. It won’t happen.”

It was the second time in an hour that Kaia had heard those words. This was getting old-but once again, Kaia was certain: He may have sai d no. But he meant soon.

Adam slammed through the door of the locker room, with Kaia close behind him. This whole situation was maddening. Okay-flattering, too, but also completely out of control. Kaia was out of control. And word was sure to get back to Beth and-

Uh-oh.

Looks like word wouldn’t have to.

Beth was standing in the hall outside the locker room, facing the door, so Adam got a good look at her face as he walked out-the tentative smile when she saw him, twisted into a grimace of disgust a moment later as Kaia emerged, the front of her shirt still soaking wet from when she’d pressed herself up against Adam’s bare and dripping chest.

“See you later, Adam!” Kaia said pleasantly, as the couple stared at each other in silence. She smiled sweetly at Beth, then turned back to him. “Thanks so much for your help in there.” And she strode away down the hall.

Adam stopped in the doorway, as if half considering a retreat back into the locker room. Maybe if he went inside, came out again, the world would give him a do-over, and he and Beth could start afresh.

Unfortunately, Beth didn’t look like she was much in the mood for fresh starts. She stood a few feet away, pressed against the brick wall as if she needed it for support. Her hands were clasped in front of her, in a loose and relaxed pose betrayed by the tension in her frozen face. She wore a light gray, short-sleeved sweater that he’d never seen before. It was the soft color of mist, the same gray that flecked her clear blue eyes. Her eyes, he noticed, were glassy, unshed tears pooling at the lids. She looked very angry-and very beautiful.

“Beth,” he finally said. “Uh, what are you doing here?”

“I came to find you,” she said mechanically, staring off in the direction Kaia had gone. “I was going to apologize. One of the guys told me you were still in there. So I waited.”

Thanks a lot, guys, Adam thought. That was some team loyalty for you.

“I’m glad you did,” he said hesitantly, taking a step toward her and gently grasping her hand. “I wanted to talk to you, too.”

The contact seemed to shake her out of her state of shock-she whipped her hand away.

“I said I was going to apologize,” she corrected him. “Past tense. That was before I… interrupted you.” She looked away. “I guess you weren’t expecting to see me here.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.” She swiped a hand quickly across her eyes and finally met his gaze. Her lower lip was trembling-and she looked at him as if he were a mysteriously familiar stranger, someone she’d once known, long ago. “God, Adam, in public? In the locker room? What were you thinking? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about!” he protested. The best defense, after all, was a good offense. Not that he had anything to be defensive about. He hadn’t done anything-was it his fault that Kaia kept chasing after him? Wasn’t the point that he kept turning her away? Didn’t that, in fact, make him a better boyfriend? What more did she want from him?

“What do you think happened in there?” he snapped, losing his patience. “You think I threw her down and did her? Right there on the floor in front of half the swim team? Do you even want to know what really happened? Maybe you’d rather just assume the worst.” He heard the words coming out as if someone else had spoken them-surely it hadn’t been him. Surely he wouldn’t say something so hurtful to someone he loved. Surely he wasn’t that kind of guy.

“What’s the point in asking if you’re just going to lie to me?” Beth asked, furiously blinking back tears.“! see the way you look at her-I know you think she can give you what you want. Fine-go get it.” She whirled around, as if to leave, but he grabbed her arm and tugged her back around. She wasn’t walking away, not this time. All of this, the constant fights over nothing, the tears, the silent treatment, it had to end. They had to actually deal with this-which meant she was, for once, going to have to stick around.

“I’m so sick of you making everything about sex,” he spit out, totally exasperated. How many times could they have the same conversation?

“Me? What about you? You-”

“No, you ,” he argued. “This is not about sex, or Kaia, and you know it.” And he tried to force the image of her clinging to his wet body, of her lips on his, of her arms wrapped around him, out of his head. “This is about you . About you not trusting me. Not trusting us.”

Beth’s face softened, and for a moment Adam thought he’d gotten through to her. Then she shook her head.

“No. No!” She flung his arm off and pushed him away. “You can’t turn this around on me-this is about you acting like a jerk.This is about you skulking around in a boys’ locker room with another girl. This is about you wanting-” Her voice broke. “Wanting what you can’t have and acting like its all my fault.”

“Beth…”

“Of course I don’t trust us,” she said dully, sounding suddenly exhausted. “Right now, us sucks.”