Robin Wasserman: Envy

The screen was tiny, the resolution poor, but he could make out Beth’s hair, her face, the mole on her left shoulder blade. He could see her kissing Kane, rubbing his bare chest, letting him lick her neck and-he flipped the phone shut. Hanging up on Kaia, shutting out the nightmarish pictures. He’d known it was true, yes, but to see it?

The images were seared into his brain. He smashed his fist into the ground, a volcano of rage erupting within him. He slammed the phone into the ground as hard as he could and stomped on it, imagining it was Kane’s neck he was crushing beneath his heavy boot.

“Adam, are you okay?” Harper asked tentatively, emerging from behind the trees.

“Go away, Harper,” he said in a strangled voice. No one should see him like this.

“Adam?”

“I just need some time alone, okay? I just-please, Harper, go.”

She nodded and backed away.

“You know where to find me when you need me,” she promised.

Promises-what were they worth to him anymore? Adam sank onto the ground and laid his head in his hands. Was this his fault? Had he started it, sleeping with Kaia in the first place?

No.

A cold certainty filled him, a righteous rage-this was no one-time thing, no harmless fling. This was Beth, his Beth, so innocent, so trustworthy- supposedly -and Kane, his best friend, his bro, his loyal and true ally. This was an affair, a dirty, scummy, poisonous affair between two heartless traitors who’d betrayed him and everything he thought was real.

He wanted to scream.

He wanted to hit something, someone.

He wanted to cry.

But instead, he just sat there on the cold ground, immobile, silent.

It was all over now, all of it. There was nothing left.

When it became clear Adam had hung up on her, Kaia snapped the phone shut with a satisfied grin. He could deny it all he wanted, but she knew he’d believed her the moment the words were out of her mouth. He’d believed it before she even picked up the phone. The pictures were just gravy-but they’d definitely sealed the deal.

“Kaia, I’m getting bored in here. Why don’t you come back to bed?” the languid, British voice called to her from the bedroom-where the handsome British man who owned it lay sprawled across his silk sheets, waiting for her.

“Be right there!” she called. “And I’ve got a surprise for you.”

She stopped in the small kitchen and pulled a can of whipped cream and a jar of chocolate syrup out of the fridge. Powell always said he didn’t like surprises, but this one would be too sweet to resist. She gave herself a quick once-over in the hallway mirror and then, turning off her phone and laying it on the counter, headed down the hall to begin her night for real.

I’ve done my part now , she thought, sending a telepathic message out toward Kane and Harper, who were about to reap the benefits of a carefully laid plan. Your turn-just don’t screw it up.

Eventually, the anger had seeped out of him.

Or rather, the anger was still there, like acid, burning a hole deep inside of him, but all his energy had washed away, and he felt slow, heavy, weighed down by a deep sadness. And he knew then that he didn’t want to be alone.

He walked back toward the Pit to find Harper-but she found him first. She was sitting on the ground by the side of the trail. Waiting for him.

“You’re always there when I need you,” he marveled, his voice breaking midway through the sentence.

“Oh, Adam,” Harper moaned. “Kaia told me-I’m so sorry, I-”

“Please, stop,” he said quietly. “Let’s not-just stop.”

A tear trickled down his face and she caught it with her fingertip as it rolled down his cheek, then pulled him into a hug. He leaned against her, crying silently in her arms, deeply ashamed, and knowing that there was no one, no one in the world he would allow to see him like this. No one but Harper. He leaned against her, and she held him up. Like always.

“I broke your cell phone,” he murmured into her hair.

“I don’t care about that,” she said, pulling back and looking him in the eye. “I care about you.” She gently pressed her hand against his cheek. “Let’s take a walk,” she suggested. “I think you need some air.”

She put an arm around him and led him down the forest trail and away from the pit. They walked in silence, past the silhouetted trees and shadows cast by looming rock formations. The night was bright, the moonlight filtering in through a canopy of leaves. At the edge of the woods they turned to make sure the Grace bus and van were still there, silently waiting in the parking lot. Then they walked along the perimeter of the woods, listening to the whispering wind and the distant howling of a coyote.

Adam, lost in a world of his own thoughts and regrets, noticed none of it.

Finally, Harper led them over to a square, flat rock that lay tucked between a cluster of saplings.

“Just like our rock,” she said, scrambling up onto it and pulling him after her. They lay back on the cool granite and stared up at the sky-and she was right, it did feel for a moment like they were back home, in the backyard, a million years ago, when it had been just the two of them and everything had been so simple.

His mind dipped through the past, skidding across memories of long-ago days. So many moments that had brought him to this one. And Harper-he turned his head to look at her and realized she was staring at him, eyes awash in love and sympathy-Harper had been there for almost all of them. She was the one constant in his life. His father gone, his mother useless, his girlfriend and his best friend-

No, there was only Harper. Loyal. True. Just thinking about her, just lying there so close to her made the anger subside, made the world seem almost bearable, made the red tide of pain and betrayal recede.

She reached over and took his hand, squeezing it gently, and he squeezed back, then shifted onto his side and looked at her. For the first time, really looked at her. And realized what he’d been missing. Slowly, wordlessly, he sat up, pulled her up beside him, then tipped her chin up, closed his eyes, and melted into her.

The moment their lips met, it was as if he’d been waiting forever to hold her in his arms, and he drank her in hungrily, urgently, needing the contact, the pressure of her arms around him, her lips on his, their bodies entwined. He didn’t need Beth, he thought angrily. And he would prove it.

Time stretched-and it felt like they’d been on the rock, folded into each others’ arms, forever, would be forever-

And then Harper pushed him away.

“I can’t, Adam,” she whispered.

“Harper-” He reached out for her.

“No, not like this,” she protested, sitting up and drawing away from him.

“Is it too fast? Is it-”

“It’s too soon, Adam,” she said tenderly. “You’re hurt. You’re angry.” She brushed his hair out of his face and kissed him on the cheek. “When we do this… if we do this… I don’t want it to be because you want to get revenge on Beth.”

“I’d never use you, Harper,” he protested.

“I know that-don’t you think I know that? But I think… I think we should wait. Until you know what you really want.”

I want you. That’s what he wanted to say. But the words choked in his throat because he knew she was right. And she didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve that.

He lay back on the rock again, sighing.

“I’m so fucked up, Harper,” he admitted. “How did things get so fucked up? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I just don’t know.”

She kissed him softly on the lips and then lay back beside him, taking his hand.