David Fleming - The Saturday Boy

“I’m sorry your friend is such a jerk, sweetie.”

“Me too.”

It was weird, though, because that afternoon at his house Budgie wasn’t a jerk at all. Actually, it was just like it used to be. We played video games and drew some pictures for the Strong Guy and Fast Guy comic we were going to make. We even talked about plans for the castle. Budgie thought there should be piranhas in the moat and I thought crocodiles would be better so we invented a creature called a piranhadile and figured we’d stock the moat with a few of those bad boys.

We started up Derek and Budgie’s Secret Secret Club again and made up a tricky new handshake that took five minutes to do. Then we hung a blanket from the top bunk so it made a fort of the bottom one. We got inside and held the new club’s first official meeting where Budgie told me that one time he peed himself at school and tried to hide it by splashing water on his pants and telling everyone the water fountain was broken and had squirted him. I told him about the play and how I had to embrace Violet and how it actually wasn’t as bad as I had thought it was going to be. I had been hanging on to that one and it felt good to finally tell someone. We sat quiet for a minute.

“So are you boyfriend and girlfriend?” Budgie finally asked.

“No. I don’t know. I don’t think so. Maybe.”

“Do you think you’ll get married?”

“Probably. Yeah.”

“Y’wanna know something else weird?” I asked.

“Sure,” said Budgie.

“On Fridays her hair smells like apples.”

“What does it smell like on other days?”

“I don’t know. Not apples.”

“I don’t know what’s weirder,” Budgie said. “The fact that her hair only smells like apples on Fridays or that you’ve taken the time to figure that out.”

We talked about other stuff too for a while—the land-speed capabilities of zombies as affected by stage of decay, for example—and by the time Mom came to pick me up I didn’t want to leave.

“Mrs. Lamb, can Derek sleep over?”

“Yeah, Mom, can I?”

“Some other time.”

“But—”

“What would you sleep in? You don’t even have a toothbrush.”

“I’ll use my finger! Please?”

“Yeah, and he can borrow some of my pajamas,” said Budgie.

“It’s not a good idea,” Mom said. “Not tonight. Not on such short notice. I’m sure Budgie’s mom—”

“She doesn’t care,” said Budgie.

“I suppose it would be okay,” said Budgie’s mom.

“You’re so nice to offer, Helen, but I don’t want to impose any more than I already have. Another time, maybe?”

Budgie’s mom just stood there with her arms crossed looking at us. She was kinda smiling but not really.

“Of course.”

“Derek, say thank you,” Mom said.

“What about tomorrow night?” said Budgie.

“Yeah, tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow’s a school night,” said my mom and Budgie’s mom at the same time.

“Jinx!” said me and Budgie.

“Double jinx!” we said again.

“Derek, say thank you to Mrs. Pratt.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Pratt,” I said. “Bye, Budgie.”

“Yeah, bye,” he said. Then he turned around and went back upstairs.

“Thanks again for looking after Derek,” Mom said. “If there’s anything you need, if we could ever… you know.”

“Of course,” said Budgie’s mom. “Careful on the walk, now. Some of the stones are loose.”

We had leftover spaghetti for dinner that night, which was totally fine with me even though there wasn’t any garlic bread left and we had to have regular bread instead. After dinner I went up to my room and bounced around for a little while, pretending I was Fast Guy fighting crime. Then I drew a picture of the castle me and Budgie were going to build and the moat with a piranhadile in it. The castle was big and had towers that had these little windows you could shoot arrows out of. There was also a roller coaster and a half-pipe for skateboarding. I didn’t know how to skateboard and neither did Budgie but I figured by the time we got the castle built we probably would have learned.

I was putting the final touches on the castle when Mom came in. She stood behind me for a minute, looking over my shoulder at the drawing. I had to say it was pretty cool. I’d outdone myself with this one.

“Piranhagator?”

“Piranha dile. ”

“Silly me,” she said. “Hey, do you have any interest in bathing tonight?”

“Why, am I stinky?”

“You’ve been worse,” she said. “What are those?”

“Bumper cars.”

“Very nice, Piggy. I think you’ve outdone yourself here.”

“That’s what I thought!”

“You know what, though, I need for you to get your pajamas on and get ready for bed, okay? And if you’re not going to shower you should at least wash your face. And really brush your teeth. Chewing on the toothbrush doesn’t count.”

“But the toothpaste stings my tongue!”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Yes, it does!”

“Derek, I don’t know what to tell you,” Mom said. “Life can sting sometimes.”

“Like a bee?”

“Yes.”

“Or a jellyfish?”

“Yes, like a jellyfish.”

“A box jellyfish or a man o’ war?”

“What’s the difference?”

“Well, a box jellyfish is deadlier even though they both have poison tentacles. And the man o’ war goes with the current and kinda floats but the box jellyfish can actually swim a little.”

Mom looked at me and blinked a couple times. Her eyes seemed greener than normal. I smiled and nodded.

“Just brush your teeth, wise guy,” she said. “And hop to, okay? It’s almost bedtime.”

“Can I finish the drawing?”

“Jammies and teeth first.”

“But Mom—”

“Let me finish,” she said. “Get into your pajamas and brush your teeth now and you can stay up an extra half-hour to finish the drawing or read or whatever, sound good?”

“Can I watch TV?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’d rather you used your brain.”

I told her I’d been using my brain all day. I told her it was impossible to build forts, draw comics and castles, and create piranhadiles without it and that it might actually appreciate a rest. She said I made a great point and that she was proud of me for being so articulate. I wasn’t sure what that meant but I didn’t want to say anything. Sometimes if you do something good by accident it’s best if you just pretend you meant to do it all along. You can always go back and figure out what it was later on.

“So can I stay up?”

“Aren’t you tired from playing with Budgie all afternoon?”

“No.”

“Pajamas and teeth first,” said Mom. “Then it’s okay.”

I said thanks and gave her a big hug and then put on my pajamas and brushed my teeth and ran downstairs and turned on the TV just as Zeroman was starting. It was the one where Dr. Mayhem collects all these artifacts from all over the world that create a doomsday device when put together. There’s this awesome part where Zeroman fights some sharks but can’t use his knife or speargun because if he cuts the sharks it would start a feeding frenzy so he has to use underwater kung fu instead.

During the commercials I tried to remember the word Mom used when she said was proud of me. If I could remember that, I could figure out what it meant and then be like that all the time and get to stay up and watch TV. I was still trying to remember the word a half-hour later as I got into bed and a half-hour after that when I finally fell asleep.