Lucy Montgomery: Emily of New Moon

Ellen stepped 'down as if to take the child's hand. The power of motion returned to Emily — she must scream if Ellen even touched her NOW. With one sudden, sharp, bitter little cry she avoided Ellen's hand, darted through the door and fled up the dark staircase.

Ellen shook her head and waddled back to her kitchen. "Anyhow, I've done MY duty," she reflected. "He'd have just kept saying 'time enough' and put it off till he was dead and then there'd have been no managing her. She'll have time now to get used to it, and she'll brace up in a day or two. I will say for her she's got spunk — which is lucky, from all I've heard of the Murrays. They won't find it easy to overcrow HER. She's got a streak of their pride, too, and that'll help her through. I wish I dared send some of the Murrays word that he's dying, but I don't dast go that far.

There's no telling what HE'D do. Well, I've stuck on here to the last and I ain't sorry. Not many women would 'a' done it, living as they do here. It's a shame the way that child's been brought up — never even sent to school. Well, I've told him often enough what I've thought of it — it ain't on MY conscience, that's one comfort. Here, you Sal-thing, you git out! Where's Mike, too?”

Ellen could not find Mike for the very good reason that he was upstairs with Emily, held tightly in her arms, as she sat in the darkness on her little cot-bed. Amid her agony and desolation there was a certain comfort in the feel of his soft fur and round velvety head.

Emily was not crying; she stared straight into the darkness, trying to face the awful thing Ellen had told her. She did not doubt it — something told her it was true. Why couldn't she die, too? She couldn't go on living without Father.

"If I was God I wouldn't let things like this happen," she said.

She felt it was very wicked of her to say such a thing — Ellen had told her once that it was the wickest thing any one could do to find fault with God. But she didn't care. Perhaps if she were wicked enough God would strike her dead and then she and Father could keep on being together.

But nothing happened — only Mike got tired of being held so tightly and squirmed away. She was all alone now, with this terrible burning pain that seemed all over her and yet was not of the body.

She could never get rid of it. She couldn't help it by writing about it in the old yellow account-book. She had written there about her Sunday-school teacher going away, and of being hungry when she went to bed, and Ellen telling her she must be half-crazy to talk of Wind Women and flashes; and after she had written down all about them these things hadn't hurt her any more. But this couldn't be written about. She could not even go to Father for comfort, as she had gone when she burned her hand so badly, picking up the red-hot poker by mistake. Father had held her in his arms all that night and told her stories and helped her to bear the pain. But Father, so Ellen had said, was going to die in a week or two. Emily felt as if Ellen had told her this years and years ago.

It surely couldn't be less than an hour since she had been playing with the Wind Woman in the barrens and looking at the new moon in the pinky-green sky.

"The flash will never come again — it can't," she thought.

But Emily had inherited certain things from her fine old ancestors — the power to fight — to suffer, — to pity — to love very deeply — to rejoice — to endure. These things were all in her and looked out at you through her purplish-grey eyes. Her heritage of endurance came to her aid now and bore her up. She must not let Father know what Ellen had told her — it might hurt him. She must keep it all to herself and LOVE Father, oh, so much, in the little while she could yet have him. She heard him cough in the room below: she must be in bed when he came up; she undressed as swiftly as her cold fingers permitted and crept into the little cot-bed which stood across the open window. The voices of the gentle spring night called to her all unheeded — unheard the Wind Woman whistled by the eaves. For the fairies dwell only in the kingdom of Happiness; having no souls they cannot enter the kingdom of Sorrow.

She lay there cold and tearless and motionless when her father came into the room. How very slowly he walked — how very slowly he took off his clothes. How was it she had never noticed these things before? But he was not coughing at all. Oh, what if Ellen were mistaken? — what if — a wild hope shot through her aching heart. She gave a little gasp.

Douglas Starr came over to her bed. She felt his dear nearness as he sat down on the chair beside her, in his old red dressing-gown.

Oh, how she loved him! There was no other Father like him in all the world — there never could have been — so tender, so understanding, so wonderful! They had always been such chums — they had loved each other so much — it couldn't be that they were to be separated.

"Winkums, are you asleep?”

"No," whispered Emily.

"Are you sleepy, small dear?”

"No — no — not sleepy.”

Douglas Starr took her hand and held it tightly.

"Then we'll have our talk, honey. I can't sleep either. I want to tell you something.”

"Oh — I know it — I know it!" burst out Emily. "Oh, Father, I know it! Ellen told me.”

Douglas Starr was silent for a moment. Then he said under his breath, "The old fool — the FAT old fool!" — as if Ellen's fatness was an added aggravation of her folly. Again, for the last time, Emily hoped. Perhaps it was all a dreadful mistake — just some more of Ellen's fat foolishness.

"It — it isn't true, is it, Father?" she whispered.

"Emily, child," said her father, "I can't lift you up — I haven't the strength — but climb up and sit on my knee — in the old way.”

Emily slipped out of bed and got on her father's knee. He wrapped the old dressing-gown about her and held her close with his face against hers.

"Dear little child — little beloved Emilykin, it is quite true," he said. "I meant to tell you myself to-night. And now the old absurdity of an Ellen has told you — brutally I suppose — and hurt you dreadfully. She has the brain of a hen and the sensibility of a cow. May jackals sit on her grandmother's grave! I wouldn't have hurt you, dear.”

Emily fought something down that wanted to choke her.

"Father, I can't — I can't bear it.”

"Yes, you can and will. You will live because there is something for you to do, I think. You have my gift — along with something I never had. You will succeed where I failed, Emily. I haven't been able to do much for you, sweetheart, but I've done what I could.

I've taught you something, I think — in spite of Ellen Greene.

Emily, do you remember your mother?”

"Just a little — here and there — like lovely bits of dreams.”

"You were only four when she died. I've never talked much to you about her — I couldn't. But I'm going to tell you all about her to- night. It doesn't hurt me to talk of her now — I'll see her so soon again. You don't look like her, Emily — only when you smile. For the rest, you're like your namesake, my mother. When you were born I wanted to call you Juliet, too. But your mother wouldn't. She said if we called you Juliet then I'd soon take to calling her 'Mother' to distinguish between you, and she couldn't endure THAT.

She said her Aunt Nancy had once said to her, 'The first time your husband calls you "Mother" the romance of life is over.' So we called you after my mother — HER maiden name was Emily Byrd. Your mother thought Emily the prettiest name in the world — it was quaint and arch and delightful, she said. Emily, your mother was the sweetest woman ever made.”

His voice trembled and Emily snuggled close.