Charles Snow - The Light and the Dark

Rosalind swore cheerfully and grinned.

“She’s in Cambridge now, by the way,” I said.

“I knew that.”

“You’d better be careful. If you mean to marry Ralph Udal.”

“Of course I mean to marry him. Why ever do you say such horrid things?” She opened her eyes wide.

“Come off it,” I said, copying Roy’s phrase. It was years since I had been her confidant, but at a stroke we had gone back to the old terms.

“No, I shall marry Ralph, really I shall. Mind you, I’m not really in love with him. I don’t think I shall ever really fall in love again. I’m not sure that I want to. It’s pretty bloody, being too much in love, isn’t it? No, I shall settle down with Ralph all right. You just won’t know me as the vicar’s wife.”

“That’s true,” I said, and Rosalind looked ill-used.

We had just sat down under one of the chestnut trees.

“I shall settle down so that you wouldn’t believe it,” said Rosalind. “But I’m not going to fool myself. After old Roy, other men seem just a tiny little bit dull. It stands to sense that I should want to see the old thing now and again.”

“It’s dangerous,” I said.

“I’m not so bad at covering up my traces when I want to,” said Rosalind, who was only willing to think of practical dangers.

She asked, with a glow of triumph: “Do you think I oughtn’t to have come? The old thing asked me to look him up. When he wrote about me and Ralph. And he did seem rather pleased to see me last night. I really think he was a bit pleased to see me.”

She laid her hand on my arm, and said, half-guiltily, half-provocatively: “Anyway, he asked me to go to a ball with him tonight.”

“Are you going?”

“What do you think? It’s all right, I’ll see that the old gorgon doesn’t find out. I’m not going to have her exploding down in Boscastle. I won’t have Ralph upset. After all,” she grinned at me, “a husband in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

She and Roy had arranged to go to a ball at one of the smaller colleges, where none of us had close friends. I warned her that it was still a risk.

She pursed her lips. “Why do you want to stop us?” she said. “You know it might take the old thing out of himself. He’s going through one of his bad patches, isn’t he? It will do him good to have a night on the tiles.”

I could not prevent myself laughing. Under the chestnut, an expensive lingering scent pervaded the hot afternoon. There was a bead of moisture on her upper lip, but her hair was swept up in a new, a rakish, a startling Empire coiffure. I asked when she had had time to equip herself like the Queen of the May.

“When do you think?” said Rosalind with lurking satisfaction. “I went up to town first thing this morning and told my hairdresser that she’d got to do her damnedest. The idiot knows me, of course, and when she’d finished she said with a soppy smile that she hoped my fiancé would like it. I nearly asked her why she thought I should care what my fiancé thinks of it. It’s what my young man thinks of it that I’m interested in.”

What was going through her head, I wondered, as I walked back across Parker’s Piece? She was reckless, but she was also practical. If need be, she would marry Ralph Udal without much heartbreak and without repining. But need it be? I was ready to bet that, in the last few hours, she had asked herself that question. I should be surprised if she was in a hurry to fix the date of her wedding.

As I was dressing for dinner, Roy threw open my bedroom door. His white tie was accurately tied, his hair smooth, but I was thrown into alarm at the sight of him. His eyes were lit up.

I was frightened, but in a few minutes I discovered that this had been only a minor outrage. It came as a respite. I even laughed from relief when I found how he had broken out. But I felt that he was on the edge of sheer catastrophe. It could not be far away: perhaps only a few hours. His smile was brilliant, but frantic and bitter; his voice was louder than usual, and a laugh rang out with reedy harshness. The laugh made my pulses throb in tense dismay. This fearful excitement must break soon.

Yet his actions that afternoon were like hitting out at random, and would not do much harm. They had been set off by an unexpected provocation. The little book on the heresies, by Vernon Royce and R C E Calvert, had been published at last, early in the summer. Since Lyall’s death, Roy’s reputation had increased sharply in English academic circles, owing to the indefatigable herald-like praise by Colonel Foulkes, who was now quite unhampered. But the heresy book had been received grudgingly and bleakly; most of the academic critics seemed to relish dismissing Royce now that he was dead. That morning Roy had read a few sentences about the book in the Journal of Theological Studies : “…Mr Calvert is becoming recognised as a scholar of great power and penetration. But there is little sign of those qualities in this book’s treatment of a subject which requires the most profound knowledge of the sources and origins of religious belief and its perversions. From internal evidence, it is not overdifficult to attribute most of the insufficiently thought-out chapters to the late Mr Royce, who, in all his writings on comparative religion, never revealed the necessary imagination to picture the religious experience of others nor the patient and detailed scholarship which might have given value to his work in the absence of the imaginative gifts…”

Roy was savagely and fantastically angry. He had sent off letters of which he showed me copies. They were in the Housmanish language of scholarly controversy, bitter, rude, and violent — one to the editor asking why he permitted a man “ignorant, unteachable, stupid, and corrupt” to write in his journal, and one to the reviewer himself. The reviewer was a professor at Oxford, and to him Roy had written: “I have before me your witty review. You are either too old to read: or too venal to see honestly. You attribute some chapters to my collaborator and you have the effrontery to impugn the accuracy of that work, and so malign the reputation of a better man than yourself. I wrote those chapters; I am a scholar; that you failed to see the chapters were precise is enough to unfit you for such tasks as reading proofs. If you are not yet steeped in your love of damaging others you will be so abashed that you will not write scurrilities about Royce again. You should state publicly that you were wrong, and that you stand guilty of incompetence, self-righteousness and malice.”

Roy was maddened that they should still decry Royce. With the desperate clarity which visited him in his worst hours, he saw them gloating comfortably, solidly, stuffed with their own rectitude, feeling a warm comfortable self-important satisfaction that Royce had never come off, could not even come off after his death: he saw them saying in public what a pity it was that Royce was not more gifted, how they wanted so earnestly to praise him, how only duty and conscience obliged them so reluctantly to tell the truth. He saw the gloating on solid good-natured faces.

As we walked through the court to his dinner party, he broke out in a clear, passionate tone: “All men are swine.”

He added, but still without acceptance, charity, or rest: “The only wonder is, the decent things they manage to do now and then. They show a dash of something better, once or twice in their lives. I don’t know how they do it — when I see what we are really like.”

The desks in Roy’s sitting-room had been pushed round the wall, where one noticed afresh their strange shapes and colours. In the middle, the table had been laid for eight — laid with five glasses at each place and a tremendous bowl of orchids in the middle. It was not often Roy indulged in the apolaustic; he used to chuckle even at the subdued, comfortable, opulent display of Arthur Brown’s claret parties; extravagant meals were not in Roy’s style, they contained for him something irresistibly comic, a hint of Trimalchio. But that night he was for once giving one himself. Decanters of burgundy and claret stood chambering in a corner of the room; the cork of a champagne bottle protruded from a bucket; on a small table were spread out plates of fruit, marrons glacés, petits fours, cold savouries for aperitifs and after-tastes.