Даниэла Стил - The Affair

They rented a sailboat big enough for all of them on one of the days. Ben, Olivia, and Harley were expert sailors, and so was Will after years of sailing camp. They went from one day to the next, doing fun things and having lively conversations. They truly enjoyed each other’s company and it showed. The children were caught up in the warm family atmosphere too.

Whenever Nicolas called the girls, he told them to give everyone his love. He had been thinking about them a lot, and missing them. He was getting tired of Pascale’s jet-set life with endless hangers-on in Saint-Tropez. They were all along for a free ride, and he hadn’t had a serious conversation all summer. He was eager to get back to work in Paris, although he had no place to stay now, or to write, if Nadia was serious about his getting his own apartment. Pascale was going to stay in Brittany with her mother until the baby was born, and for a month or two after, until she recovered. She had given up her Paris apartment, so he was camping at a friend’s. He was beginning to think he had to get an apartment of his own after all. He had nowhere to stay long-term, and he could no longer count on Nadia letting him stay at their apartment.

On the last day of the vacation, Olivia was watching Will play an intense game of chess with his father, and she leaned over and whispered to her sisters.

“Ever since I told you guys, I feel like I should tell Harley. I hate to be so dishonest with him. Sooner or later, the lie will corrode our relationship,” she said pensively, and both her sisters looked horrified.

“Don’t you dare tell him,” Venetia whispered back. “Harley is much too straightlaced and old school to understand it. You’ll break his heart.”

“What if he leaves you?” Nadia added, frightened for her sister.

“He wouldn’t. He has too big a heart, and he loves Will too much to do that.”

“I don’t think he’d abandon Will, but he might leave you for lying to him. Harley is pretty rigid,” Venetia whispered to Olivia. “You can’t tell him after all this time. And what would you gain from it? What difference does it make now?”

“It’s a matter of integrity,” Olivia insisted.

“You should have thought of that fifteen years ago,” Venetia said, sounding very definite. “Why would you tell him now?”

“After I told you, I realized how wrong it was not to have told him sooner.”

“But you didn’t, so just forget about it now,” Nadia insisted.

“What if he finds out one day after I die? He’d hate me forever,” Olivia said to both of them.

“He’s twenty-one years older than you are. That’s not going to happen,” Venetia said practically.

“It could,” Olivia said. It had weighed on her heavily since the Fourth of July, and she thought about it all the time now. Venetia and Nadia did everything they could to convince her to just put it behind her and forget about it. Her window of opportunity was long past.

—

It was with genuine regret that they said goodbye when the week ended. Venetia and Olivia and their families flew back to New York together. And late on Sunday afternoon, Nadia drove Sylvie and Laure back to Paris in the rented van that seemed so empty now, without the six cousins talking and laughing, the three sisters chatting, and the two men in earnest conversation about a variety of topics. Ben had liked Harley more than ever, with more time to explore the different facets of him. He could see why Olivia loved him. He was an extremely intelligent, very well-balanced man, with deep knowledge of many fields of interest.

Sylvie and Laure fell asleep on the drive back to the city, and Nadia drove in silence, thinking about how much she loved her sisters and how lucky she was to have them. And she loved both of her brothers-in-law, and Athena’s long-term boyfriend, Joe. The three men couldn’t have been more different, just as she and her sisters were, and their children. They all had distinct personalities and diverse interests. She woke the girls up when she got home, and they helped her carry the bags in, and get them up to the apartment in the elevator. The housekeeper had left food in the refrigerator, but they only wanted a snack for dinner. They ate cheese, cold meats, and fruit they’d brought home from the château.

For the next several days, Nadia had a lot to do to get the girls ready for school. Nicolas had texted her that he wanted to see them and asked when he could come to the apartment. She was grateful for the break they’d taken, being away from each other. Her heart didn’t ache quite so acutely. She had started enjoying life again, after their trip to the States, and her family’s visit to the château.

Nicolas showed up faithfully the next afternoon, after Nadia had chased around with the children all day, doing errands, buying notebooks and school supplies, and new backpacks to put them in. They found pink ones that the girls loved. They showed the backpacks to their father as soon as he walked in, and he assured them they were terrific. Nadia smiled when she saw him with them. Sometimes for an instant she forgot the chasm that had opened between them.

“Did you have fun with your sisters?” he asked Nadia when he saw her.

“Lots. Thank you for the use of the château. They love it there.” She was trying to keep her distance.

“Are you serious about my getting my own apartment?” he asked her when the kids were out of earshot. Pascale had made a big fuss about wanting to live with him, and instead she was going to be with her mother in Brittany for a few months. She’d had a temporary furnished rental apartment in Paris she didn’t like, and it was going to be too small for her and the baby, so she had given it up.

“Yes, I am serious,” Nadia answered him. “I don’t think it’s healthy for us to live together, or for you to stay here a few nights a week. If you have your own life, you should have your own place. It’s misleading and confusing for them and for us if you stay here.” Now that they knew about Pascale and the baby, she felt more comfortable asking him to move out.

He nodded reluctantly. He was in no position to argue with her. “I’ll call a realtor tomorrow. Are you still going to see the lawyer?” he asked her cautiously.

“Yes, I am. I think he’s back from vacation next week. I just want to establish some ground rules for both of us to follow.” They had actually been managing well without them, but he dropped by whenever he wanted, without warning. Lately, he had been calling first, but not always. He still felt as though he lived with them.

“I’ll be in Brittany for a couple of weeks in October,” he said, and they both knew why, although he didn’t say it. He was going to be there for his son’s birth. But it didn’t sound as though he would be seeing him regularly, if Pascale was planning to leave him with her mother. That way she wouldn’t have to hire a nanny or worry about him. She joked about it and said she had never liked babysitting when she was younger, which shocked Nicolas. And yet she had wanted the baby, like a doll to play with when it suited her.

Thinking about it made Nadia realize how difficult it would be to go back to him, if she had wanted to. They would always have his son as a reminder of his affair with Pascale, even if they were no longer together. The child would be a living reminder of the hearts that had been broken when he came into the world. She felt sorry for the baby, with an absentee mother and a father who had another family he felt closer to. She wondered if Nicolas would fall in love with him, as he had with their girls. He had been crazy about them when they were born. Maybe he would with this one too, since he was a boy.

“Where are you staying now?” she asked Nicolas before he left, since she knew that Pascale was still in Ramatuelle.