Даниэла Стил - The Affair

When Nadia woke up in the morning, she found her mother in the kitchen, having breakfast with the girls. She had made French toast for them, which reminded Nadia of her childhood. Her mother used to make French toast or pancakes for them on Sunday mornings.

They went for a long walk along the Seine after breakfast. Rose loved digging through the bookstalls and finding old books in French. Then they went back to the apartment. She was leaving that night to go back to New York. It had been a short visit but a good one, and had given Nadia relief and perspective. She didn’t feel so alone now. She knew her mother had to get back to work, and was grateful Rose had made the effort to come for the weekend.

Sylvie and Laure were sorry to see her leave when she said goodbye to them and promised to come back soon. She was just hugging Nadia when they heard a key in the lock, and Nicolas let himself into the apartment. He looked startled to see them standing there, as though he wanted to back out the moment he saw Rose. She stood looking at him with her piercing blue eyes, as though he were an intruder and didn’t belong there.

“Oh…I thought you’d be gone by now,” he said, which only made it worse. He had assumed she’d leave in the morning to get to New York at a decent hour. But she was taking the latest flight she could, not to lose a moment with her daughter.

“I’m taking a late flight,” she said coolly. “Were you trying to avoid me?” she asked, and he felt like a truant schoolboy facing the headmaster. He had never found her frightening, as he did now. They’d had some good times together, but he knew that was impossible under the circumstances. He was The Enemy now.

“I didn’t want to intrude on you and Nadia. She said you were leaving today. I just came by to say good night to the girls.” He had a deep tan, and it was obvious he’d been in the sun all weekend.

“Do you always let yourself in without ringing the bell now?” Rose said coolly, implying that he no longer lived there. The girls had thrown their arms around him as soon as they saw him, and Nadia looked uncomfortable at the exchange. She was afraid of what her mother would say.

“I live here,” he said quietly.

“Really?” Rose responded, as though that was a ridiculous answer. “I think that’s very generous of your wife.” A muscle tightened in his jaw, but he didn’t respond to his mother-in-law. Sylvie and Laure gave their grandmother a last hug and bounded off to their room then.

“I’ll come back later,” Nicolas said directly to his wife, not wanting to engage with her mother, and assuming he’d be welcome.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Nadia said since the girls were out of earshot. He hesitated for a moment, looked at both women and then nodded.

“New rules now that your mother has been here?” he asked, irritated.

“Reality,” Nadia answered.

“I’ll call you, then,” he said tersely, and was about to leave when Rose’s clipped British words stopped him.

“I’m disappointed in you, Nicolas. I thought you were a better man than this. All the gutter nonsense, tabloid press, a young starlet. It reads like a trashy novel, while you trample everyone’s heart in your path.”

He turned to gaze at her full on then. There was no way he could ignore what she had said, or the look in her eyes that went with it.

“I didn’t intend for it to happen this way, or at all actually,” he said facing her. His tone was honest, not aggressive.

“It didn’t ‘happen.’ You did it. You and that girl created this mess, and now everyone is going to pay the price for it, even your children.” He had no answer to that, and he knew she was right, which made it worse. “There are going to be casualties. It’s inevitable. There already are,” she said, glancing at her daughter, who held her breath watching the exchange and hoping it didn’t get worse before it ended. But she didn’t try to stop it and her mother hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true. Rose turned to Nadia then, gave her another hug, and ignored her son-in-law, as though he was no longer worthy of her notice. She would have liked to say much harsher things to him but didn’t want to do it in front of her daughter. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” she said to Nadia.

“Thank you again for coming, Mom. It was wonderful,” she said. Rose picked up her bag and walked past Nicolas with a last wilting look, opened the door, and left, as he stood there for a moment, shaken by her words. The contempt in her eyes had tied his stomach in a knot.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize she’d still be here. I want to talk to you about the summer.”

“Why didn’t you call me? She’s right. You shouldn’t just show up. Are you planning to stay here tonight?” He shook his head. He had thought of it, but he didn’t want to now. And Nadia was looking at him differently than she had before her mother had been there. “Maybe it’s time for you to get an apartment,” Nadia said in a low voice so the girls didn’t hear her. She and Nicolas were still standing in the entrance hall, and she didn’t seem as though she wanted him to come in.

“You won’t be in town. I can stay here if I need to while you’re at the château. And I hope to have things worked out, or at least some kind of plan, by the end of the summer.” Nadia didn’t comment. She didn’t want to argue with him. The baby was due in October. And her mother had almost convinced her to see a lawyer, just to get some advice. “I’m not coming to the château for the first two weeks in July. I’m going to visit friends in the South of France. That will give you some time alone with the girls.” He said it as though he were doing her a favor, and she could guess where he would be, and with whom. The paparazzi all over the Riviera would out them quickly anyway. There were no secrets in that part of the world, not for people as recognizable and well known as he and Pascale were. They were everybody’s prime prey now, and favorite topic of conversation.

“Why don’t we take turns at the château this summer? That makes more sense than our being there together,” Nadia said coldly. She felt braver now since her mother’s visit. Rose’s strength was contagious. It was just what Nadia needed. Before her mother came, she had felt defeated, now she didn’t. Her mother was her strongest ally.

“And how will you explain that to Sylvie and Laure?” Nicolas answered.

“That we’re taking a break from each other? Or would you rather tell them about Pascale and the baby and make a clean breast of it?” Nadia said tartly.

“You sound just like your mother,” he said with an angry expression. “We can think of something to tell them. They don’t need to know the whole story yet.”

“You’ll have to tell them before the baby comes,” she said in a whisper, “or the press will do it for you.”

“Not if we’re back together,” he said with a pleading look, which she ignored. Talking to him made her feel crazy. She felt sane now after her mother’s visit and didn’t want to spoil it.

“Thank you for letting me know about July. I think you’d better go now,” she said, and he slowly walked toward the door, and then turned to look at her, still standing there, watching to make sure he left.

“Don’t believe everything you read in the papers, Nadia. A lot of it is just garbage.”

“They seem to be writing about you pretty accurately these days. And my mother’s right. It’s pure trailer trash. You’re not writing a novel. This is real life. Our life.” He couldn’t think of a response so he walked out the door and closed it quietly behind him. As he rode down in the elevator, he felt faintly schizophrenic, but at least he had told her that he wouldn’t be at the château in July. He had promised Pascale he’d tell her. He had just rented a house for the summer in Ramatuelle, with Pascale, so she could be there as much as she wanted, and he would join her off and on. It was close to Saint-Tropez, and the paparazzi wouldn’t find them there as quickly. They had rented a secluded villa over the weekend, and Pascale was thrilled. It was what she had wanted, and he gave in to her, to appease her, since he hadn’t left Nadia yet. He felt relieved when he drove away, but he was still smarting from Rose’s words. She hadn’t missed her mark and had struck him to the core with every single one. And worse, he knew she was right. She was always smart and fair and honest, and so was her daughter. He realized that Nadia was being very decent under the circumstances, more than he deserved.