Бетти Смит - Maggie-Now

She walked from one empty room to the other, moaning, How can I live? How can I live alone? There was always someone. And now no one.

Denny knew how it was with his sister and he was anguished for her. And he was the one to conic to her aid.

"I'm not going to tal: e over the never store in Hempstead," he said. "Well, Tessie and I tallied it over.

We want to rent the rooms upstairs from you and dive here."

"Honest, Denny? Honest?" Tears of happiness came to her eyes.

"Tessie is tickled to death at the idea. She says no one can handle Rainy like you can. We could all eat together Tessie doesn't like to cook especially. And we'd all be safe together and. ."

How wonderful! How wo17derf7~1, thought Maggie-Now, to have them here with me! I c07~1d take care of Rainy and I c07~1d cook again: cook for someone else besides myself. . I'd have someone to talk to….

"Are you sure that's what yo7l want, Denny?"

"I would have liked to manage the new place and live out there. Yes, I would! But in the first place, Tessie doesn't want to live so far away. In the second place, you can't stay here alone and starve. And then Tessie says her mother needs her."

"It's the other way around," said Maggie-Now. "Tessie needs her mother or thinks she does."

"Oh, well!" Denny shrugged and smiled.

Maggie-Now took a little time to savor this wonderful idea of Denny's before she gave it up. It Ivould be like a dream come true. Tessie would let me take care of Rainy and it would be like having my own babies. And 1'.l have the brother I love with me. And Tessie! I co7lid teach her how to sew…. And Annie would c0777e over often, and.

Oh, it Ivould be just too wonderf7l1.

She said: "No, Denny! I'm not going to let you do it."

"What? "

"Don't Ibe such a damned fool!" It was the first time he'd ever heard his sister use a curse word. "Now look here! Annie can take care of herself. She's got Albie for the time being. And I'm around if Annie has trouble."

"But what about you. "

"I'll manage. I've always managed. The rooms will be rented again. I'll find something to do. Maybe I'll rent out the whole house or close it up and go to Atlantic City or somewhere to find work. I've never been outside of Brooklyn except twice 1 43'1

when I went to Boston with l\ilama and when I wetlt tic Manhattan with a boy many years ago. Maybe I'd like to see other places."

"You mean you don't want us?" he said, aghast.

"Yes, I do want you and your family. But it's not good for me to want that. And it's not good for you to give it."

"But Jessie wants. .' "Tessie's a wonderful girl. And she's a smart girl, too.

She has one beautiful fault, though. The fault of being very young. Don't ask her what she wants, tell her what you want. Tell her how wonderful she i`; how lucky you are to have her. Tell her you couldn't live without her, and then tell her that you are all going to move out to tile new place because it is the best thin;, for all of you. Hind move out there right away."

Denny got up, put his hands in his pockets, grinned and started to swagger around the room. Then he went to Maggie-Now and gave her a big hug.

"If Tessie makes a fuss, tell her I'm tired of looking after people. I want to live m,N own life for a while. And tell her if she gets out of her mothers way, maybe Mr. Van Clees might have a chance with Annie."

After Denny had left, 1~] aggie-Now sat in the kitchen and wept. What am I going to do? she asked herself. What am I going to do alone here?

She sat by the front wmdow. Maybe I can make believe, she thought, that he left the way he always did in the spring.

And that he'll come back in the fall like always. How I cried, those first years when he left! I'd pra v f or the time when he'd never go away again; when he'd be with me always. But would it have been the same? The man 1 loved was a mall who left me each spring to come back in the winter to make me feel like a bride again. That was the man I loved. If he had stayed with me always, would he have been the same man?

She thought over again the things Claude had told her about his wanderings and his search. What was it he had said about the rightness of being a father once he knew?

And when he had come home this last time, he had known! He had known!

14~7 1 A small ecstasy started to grow. But it faded when she remembered how he had said: "If we were younger. ."

And yet. . And yet! The small ecstasy wouldn't die.

She prayed: Holy Mary, Mother IF God, I beseech thee to let me hope

. . let me hope a little while. .

The clock in the kitchen sounded seven times. The bird in the cage ran a trill. The little Siamese cat jumped off the lounge and made no noise when he landed on the floor. He walked out to the kitchen on silent, velvet feet.

Maggie-Now knew he would jump up on the kitchen table and sit there and lash his tail and fix his sleepy, baleful eyes on the caged canary. She smiled.

Seven o'clock, she thought, and there's still some light in the sky. The days are getting longer and soon spring grill come again.

PAT and Mick Mack had just finished the ample breakfast served to them by the neat and taut widow "Man dear," she said lo Pat, "it's a wonderful day for beating the carpets Just wonderful!" She handed Pat two rattan carpet beaters. "And I'm sure Mr. Mack will be delighted to help you."

Mick Mack carried the carpet out into the yard. Pat followed, carrying the carpet bearers. "Get the damn dusty thing up on the washline," instructed Pat. Mick black started to struggle with the carpet. There was a soft wind blowing.

"Hey, I\Iick Mack!"

"And what is it, Pathrick?"

"You feel that wind? A kin-nooky. . what did the bastid call it? Oh, yeah! Chinook!"

"So long," said Mick \lack.

"Where you going?"

"I just said that means 'so long' in Eskimo. Did you not, yourself, tell me so?"

L 434 "To hell — with the carpet. This is the day. Come on."

They went back into the house. "Listen, O'Crawley," said Par to his wife, "we can't beat your carpet today."

"And why not, man, dear?"

"Because I got to bury me son-in-law."

"But he's been dead three weeks now."

"It's time he was buried then." He grinned in delight when he saw his wife's shocked expression.

"Perhaps Mr. Mack will do the carpet while you're gone?"

"He's got to go with me. I got to have a witness."

Pat carried the urn holding the ashes in a paper bag,

They beat their way by trolley and subway over to Manhattan.

"Where you going to bury him?" asked Mick Mack.

"Off-a some high place where there is wind and birds."

"Off-a the Woolworth Building?"

"You damn fool!" said Pat coldly.

They got on the little boat that would take them to Bedloe's Island. Pat was astonished that they had to pay for the boat ride. "You pay," he instructed Mick Mack. "I

left me money in me other suit."

Mick Mack knew that Pat didn't have another suit, but he paid all the same.

"You going to bury him f tom of T-a the boat? " asked Mick Mack.

"No. From the top of tide Stature of Liberty. We're going to go up in the torch and do it."

"But I'm afraid of heighths," said Mick Mack.

"A fine time to wait and tell me."

"But you didn't tell me we was going here."