Gail Martin - The Firefighter's New Family

“Then you understand, but the difference is you did when you talked about your envy.”

“I know, and it surprised me.” She worked to get her thoughts in order. No more comments that would upset him. “I don’t talk about personal things unless it’s with someone I’m close to. Neely, for example.” But she’d talked with him. Air drained from her lungs. She gathered her wits. “But you can’t shut me up when it comes to Joey.”

“Sometimes it hurts.”

Ashley longed to know why. Her eyes searched his. “Take a chance. Tell me about Kaylee.”

A grin stole to his face. “She’s the sweetest little girl in the world. Her mother has had problems that I couldn’t help with. I suppose that bothers me more than I admit. Gina—Kaylee’s mother—needed someone available twenty-four hours a day. My job doesn’t allow that. She had my thoughts and prayers but not my physical presence. I couldn’t—”

“Couldn’t, not because you didn’t want to. You couldn’t be there because you had a community that needed you available and alert. You were in a can’t-win situation.”

He released a sigh and leaned back against the cushion. “You really do understand.”

Adam had been in the same spot. He’d wanted to be with her and Joey, but he’d had a job to do. He’d needed focus and devotion to the military. She understood. Liking it was another thing. She managed a pleasant look and a nod.

“I don’t want to talk about Gina, and when I think of Kaylee, her mother comes to mind. I’m still confused.” He looked away. “So I don’t say much about her, but Kaylee’s another story. Maybe you could meet her one day.” His face brightened for the first time.

“I’d love to meet her. Our neighborhood doesn’t have many children living nearby, so maybe she and Joey could—”

“I thought about that.”

She studied his face. “Joey’s younger and she might—”

“Joey’s bright and verbal. Age doesn’t mean a thing in his case. And anyway, she’ll love to have someone to play with—” he chuckled ‟—although a girl would be her preference.” He looked heavenward. “Her preference now. When she’s older, she’ll probably like boys more than I want her to.”

Ashley couldn’t help but laugh.

Devon stood and smiled. “On that pleasant note, I’d better get to the school or I’ll be late.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out his car keys. “If I can be of any help, Ashley, let me know. I’m right down the street. I know your first couple of days will be a learning curve for you, but you’re a strong woman. I saw that the day I met you. You can do it.” He took a step toward her, then faltered and stepped away. “Tomorrow will be here before you know it.”

He gave a wave and strode through the door. In the hallway, he paused and waved again.

Before she could respond, he was gone.

An empty feeling swept over her. Concern followed. Devon caused a rush of emotion she hadn’t felt in a long time. When Erik appeared in her life, he’d become a novelty, a test run, of being with a man who wasn’t Adam. Once again her determination had taken over, and she had wanted to prove to herself and others that she could date and find the man of her dreams. But that dream ended in a nightmare.

Then she faced reality. She needed to think clearly. Why get involved with someone who could never be that special person. Friendship sounded great, but could she monitor the desire to feel complete and whole again. Would she rush a relationship into something else like romance and thoughts of marriage?

Concern rattled her spine. She’d already compared Devon to Adam’s wonderful qualities. Comparisons triggered danger, not because of the attributes they shared, but after losing Adam, she wanted a man with a safe job, a business career, anything behind a desk—nine-to-five hours, occasional overtime maybe—but a man who came home from work at night. Not one who lived with danger every moment.

She wanted friendships, someone she could bond with and care about, but without getting romantically involved. Devon’s full life didn’t leave room for romance, either. Kaylee, his broken marriage, a demanding career. Maybe that could provide a buffer between them.

Her concern lightened. Having someone close who liked Joey and her would be nice. Their kids could play together. Giving it a chance made sense.

But could they remain just friends? The answer shivered down her back. If she perceived the friendship deepening to more than a platonic relationship, she knew what she had to do.

She’d say goodbye.

Chapter Four

Devon gazed out the window toward Ashley’s house for the third time that morning. He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. He turned away, amazed at his preoccupation with her arrival home from the hospital. He’d done everything he could. He’d purchased the milk, overseen the window repair and called Neely to let her know the cost of the tree removal. Jon had dropped off the money so he could pay the guy. The house was ready.

“Kaylee?” He listened but heard no response. “Are you hungry? Ready for lunch?” His gaze drifted back to the window when he heard a car passing on the street. A red truck. He shook his head. “Kaylee?”

His concern changed from the window to his daughter. He headed down the hall to the staircase and called again. This time he heard a clump. In a moment, Kaylee appeared at the head of the stairs.

“What?”

“That’s my question. What are you doing?”

She shrugged.

The shrug was accompanied by a guilty look, and instead of asking, he climbed the stairs and took a few steps from the landing. “Are you hungry?”

She nodded and slipped past him, her foot on the first stair.

Devon reached out and put his arm around her shoulder. “Hold on.”

She stood in place without looking at him.

His mind flew from one possibility to the other. “What were you doing?”

“Nothing.”

Nothing didn’t cause her reaction. “Show me?” His worst thought was playing with matches. She’d never done that, and he only had a couple boxes in the house for lighting candles.

She dragged along beside him, and when he stepped into the room, he stopped inside the door. His fear washed away, replaced by sadness. A photo album lay open on the floor, an album he knew held memories of happier days. Gina’s pregnancy and early pictures of Kaylee. “You’re looking at old pictures.”

He knew she’d gotten them from a bookshelf in his bedroom, and he ventured her guilt was being in his room without asking. Reprimanding her wasn’t his priority. His greatest concern was the awareness that their separated lives today bothered her as much as it did him. She wasn’t even five, and he hadn’t considered how much the divorce may have affected her.

Devon picked up the album and set it on her bed, then lifted her and placed her beside it. He joined her and opened the cover. “Did you enjoy the pictures?”

She nodded and looked at him for the first time, almost as if she was surprised he hadn’t been upset with her. When she looked back at the album, she turned a couple of pages and pointed. “Was that me?”

Her finger rested on the photo of Gina with her belly protruding beneath a light green blouse.

He chuckled. “It sure was. You arrived about a month later, and let us know you were happy to be in the world.”

“I did?” Her gaze shot to his. “Did I talk?”

“Nope. You let out a howl. A happy howl.”

Kaylee giggled and turned a few more pages. “And this was me when I was a baby.”

Devon lowered his gaze to the row of photographs, close-ups of Kaylee encircled in a pink blanket, Kaylee in his arms and one in her mother’s arms. Those days wrapped around him with good memories that had faded into despair as time passed.