Carolyne Aarsen - The Baby Promise

“I’m okay,” Beth insisted. “I’m probably still in the denial stage of grief.”

“Maybe you are. I still think you need to talk about Jim.”

Beth pressed her lips together, holding back the words that at times demanded to be spoken.

Beth had learned the hard way that words didn’t change things. Would Shellie believe her if she told the truth about Jim? Would his parents? Dear Bob and Ellen Carruthers whose eyes would drift to her stomach whenever they came to visit, as if to reassure themselves that part of their son lived on in the child that Beth carried.

The child she would take away from them.

Beth knew she could never tell them about Jim. Part of her reluctance was knowing nothing would be gained by taking those memories away from them.

The other was her own shame. She had taken Jim back twice and he had cheated on her a third time. She didn’t want anyone to know that.

Thank goodness Nick would be gone by the time she got off work. At least she wouldn’t have to face him and hear his stories about how much Jim missed her.

Beth pulled a few more cards out of her briefcase. “I thought if you carried these, people would be interested in finding out how to make them, so I was thinking we could maybe have a Saturday craft class.” She slid two cards toward Shellie. “This one,” she said, lifting up an intricate card. “I’d love to do a video tutorial on this one. For a potential blog.”

As she laid out her plans she could almost feel Shellie’s impatience with her reticence washing over her.

“Beth, honey, we have talked about this before. I don’t think people would come to the classes. I don’t want to do a blog and I highly doubt video tutorials are going to make any difference for us. You’re reaching too far.”

Ever since Beth started working for Crafty Corners, she had plans and dreams for the store well beyond Shellie’s. Her boss had taken the store over from her mother when it was just a hobby store and seemed content to keep the store what it was—a small craft store that sold products for local crafters.

She wasn’t sure herself why she bothered trying to persuade Shellie to change the focus of the store when she was leaving. It was just that Beth knew the place had so much potential and it bothered her to see it go to waste.

When Shellie guessed Beth wasn’t saying anything more, she turned back to the cards. “I guess I could sell these,” Shellie said, picking up some of the Valentine’s cards. “And you can stick around for a bit this morning because you’re here already, but I want to see you leaving here at noon.”

Beth put the rest of her cards back in her briefcase and set it on the ground. “I’ll sort out the new inventory,” she said, stifling a sigh. She trudged to the back room where the new shipment of supplies had come in, a gentle hope extinguished. She didn’t know what she really wanted. For Shellie to be ecstatic about what she had created? For her to be excited?

Because if she had seen any encouragement from her boss, Beth might believe in herself a bit more. Might believe there was a way she could channel her passion for cards and paper crafts into something that could augment her widow’s pension. She poured so much of herself into her craft. The cards had started as a way of putting feelings she couldn’t express into words, into pictures, into colors and patterns. Her family may not have listened to her, but they did pay attention to her cards.

She gave cards to teachers, to friends, to her family and slowly it became the one constant in her life. The one constant as she followed Jim from one army post to another all over Canada.

Beth had fought the move back to the Carrutherses’ ranch, but Jim had been adamant. He wanted her around his family before he shipped out to Afghanistan.

In retrospect, Beth was sure Jim had ulterior motives for the move, but at the time she agreed with it to keep peace.

Mostly she agreed to move because the move didn’t affect the plans she had been slowly putting into place.

She was leaving him, moving away and starting out on her own. She had made this decision a week after he shipped out and a week after she found out Jim had cheated on her—again. But she couldn’t leave while he was overseas. So she waited until his return so she could tell him to his face.

But Jim didn’t come back and she was unexpectedly pregnant and all that lay ahead of her was the uncertainty of motherhood as a widow.

As Beth finished sorting the paper, a feeling of self-pity loomed, like a huge black hole ready to draw her in. A hole she could not edge toward because there was no one to pull her back.

She was alone. She had to be strong for herself and the baby.

Her hands slowed as she stared out the window of the shop, watching the wind toss the snow around the streets of Cochrane. It was winter now, but spring was coming. That was a promise she knew would be kept.

The air felt brisk and cool and the snow crunched under her boots as Beth trudged up the driveway. She was glad she had gone for a walk when she had come home from work. The fresh air cleared the cobwebs of worry and concern from her head.

As she walked closer to the yard she heard the sound of a tractor. She glanced at her watch, then frowned.

Bob usually did the chores in the morning. Not at three in the afternoon. She didn’t see his truck when she came home so she had assumed he and Ellen were gone. She shoved her hands in the hoodie she had pulled on over her sweater before she left her house and walked toward the sound, wondering what was going on.

As she approached the corrals where the cows were housed for the winter, she saw the tractor dropping a bale of hay in the feeder along the fence. The tractor turned and faced her, then stopped.

And Nick jumped out of the cab.

She hurried toward him as he vaulted over the fence, running, calling her name.

“What’s going on?” she asked. “Why are you feeding the cows?”

Nick slapped his gloves together, a concerned expression on his face. “I had to bring Bob to the hospital this morning—”

“What happened?” Beth stared at him, blood roaring in her ears as she wavered on her feet. Not again, please, Lord, not again.

Nick reached out and caught her by the arm, steadying her. “It’s not life-threatening. He was repairing the front-end loader and it came loose and fell on him.”

Beth clutched her stomach against a sudden pain. “Are you sure he’s okay?”

“He broke his leg, but the doctors set it and Ellen is with him right now.”

Beth pressed her hand to her heart, then took a long, slow breath.

Nick frowned, moving closer. “Are you okay? You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine. I’m just…it’s just…” She couldn’t fit her emotions into the uncertainty of words. “You’re sure he’s okay?”

“Yeah. I tried to call you.”

“I left my cell phone at home.”

“I came back to do the chores, which didn’t get done this morning, so that’s why I’m still around.”

He sounded a bit defensive, as if unsure of her reaction.

“How long will it take for him to recuperate?” Beth asked.

Nick hunched his shoulders against a sudden gust of wind, then shifted as if to shield her from it. “I don’t know. The doctor said he’d be in the hospital for a few days and then lots of physio. He broke his femur, so while not life-threatening like I said, it’s still serious.”

Beth swayed again, then realized that Nick was still holding her arm. She pulled away. “I should go to see him.”

Nick shook his head. “He told me to tell you to stay home. He doesn’t want you driving.”

“That’s silly. I have to go see him.” She turned to go back to the house when Nick caught her by the arm again.